A short tail of love and lighthouses, seas and sea ponies.
Placed First in the June 2016 Write-Off Event: In Over Your Head
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 2nd Nov, 2014
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
The Cyan Recluse
I'm reclusive. It's right there in the name.
The Cyan Recluse
Joined 2nd Nov, 2014 ·
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Well this was a nice little surprise.
I like it. Another!
I asumed the warning was meant to prevent the keeper from being seduced/hypnotized by the seamares, who would prefer the lighthouse inactive so the passing ships would crash against the rocks (in folklore, mermaids cause shipwreck to eat the sailors).
This was very good. I liked the unconventional way you strung it together, and I also liked how open-ended it was. It might have been a bit more interesting if you had deleted the last two lines to really open up the possibility space, but that would definitely make it darker than you intended so I can definitely see why you went the way you did.
While I can't speak for everyone, I can at least confirm that I meet this qualification.
This a very nicely done story. I liked the limited dialog and the focus on what Beacon Heart was thinking and feeling. I loved the ending and how you didn't explain too much. For me, that leaves it to my imagination and I rather like that sometimes. One never knows where love will be found or where it will take them. It's nice to know they had a 'happily ever after'.
7418371
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it!
7418710
Well, while I do have a backlog of stories from the Write Off that I have yet to polish and post here, I'm afraid that none of them are romance. And given the rate at which I've gotten around to publishing them here, it might be a little while I'm afraid.
If you want a proper length sea pony romance story, then I will point you at The One Who Got Away. I (re)read this not long before the write off, which is why when I thought "Hey, I'll try to write a love story!" it was immediately followed by "With Seaponies!"
7418899
Yeah, the original mermaid myths are rather grim... But this is Equestria! Where magic, friendship, and rainbows can turn the most hardened of villains into friends! Or, erm... stone. Or banish you to the moon... You know what? Never mind.
7418958
Yeah, even with those last two lines, lots of people read it as rather grim-dark. It was supposed to be a happy, uplifting love story dang it! This must be why they tell you to write what you know...
7420288
Yeah, when writing in this format you have to leave a lot of it up to the reader's imagination. This story was written for a mini-fic contest, meaning 400-750 words. I actually had to extend the original to meet FiMFiction's requirements. With only 750 words, you really have to be stingy with the details if you want to tell an entire story. No three page long descriptions of individual's Cutie Marks, that's for sure!
This was incredibly sweet. The lack of dialogue is a tough restriction, but your descriptions, and the little details* really sell this for me.
*I particularly love this passage:
I blame the popular siren folklore that saw a resurgence amongst this particular fandom when the only canon G4 seaponies are horrific, unrepentant flesh-eating monsters.
A nice, short little thing that does romantic atmosphere very well, but also accidentally does unsettling horror very well on top of that if you jump to certain conclusions early on.
I loved this! Also, thanks for the note at the end. Preexisting cultural context merits the addendum
I remember this one when I read it for the writeoff. Still a nice after all these times. :3
Badlands yo.
Weird. How did I never get around to reading this until I saw your RCL feature? In any case, as lovely as I remember from the Writeoff, of not more so. Thank you for it.
I swear to god I didn't know this existed when I made that EP of mine. It's awesome. So much more than I could do in those few words.
Shhooooo bedoo shoo shoo bedooo
To quote Peter Paul and Mary:
Oh, me father was the keeper of the eddystone light
And he slept with a mermaid one fine night
From this union there came three
A porpoise and a porgy and the other was me!
No i got it, but how did he become a seapony? He get a trinket from Cadence?
Wow - you managed to generate a comprehensive story in very few words. Well done!
Aaand you zip STRAIGHT into my Glass Case bookshelf!
Sea Foam totally drowned him. That's what seaponies do!
This was very sweet, and works well showing the progression of the romance. I don't think it ever suffered for having no dialogue, either.
8348081
To quote Great Big Sea:
♫ 'Cause her hair was green as seaweed,
Her skin was blue and pale.
Her face, it was a work of art,
I love that girl with all my heart.
But I only like the upper part;
I did not like the tail... ♪
Full(er) review here, but in brief: an impressive illustration that you can write a romance in a thousand words and not have it seem hopelessly rushed. Have a fave.
I'm a former lighthouse keeper, and I very much approve of this story. I especially appreciated the little details, such as the trinkets from the sea, the crushing loneliness, and the fact that you have to make your own fun and take conversation where you can get it. Nice work.
To be fair, you did sort of end the story at the part where Beacon jumped into the ocean. Between that, the added context of the siren myth, and the 'Watch out for the seaponies' message, you did end things just a bit vague. It's almost enough to make a reader overlook the lack of a Dark tag (almost).