- Member Since 24th Sep, 2015
- offline last seen Aug 7th, 2019
NotanImportantPony
May the Sun illuminate your path and the Moon guard your dreams. Let the Love grow strong and the Magic roam free.
NotanImportantPony
Joined 24th Sep, 2015 ·
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Consider not blatantly stealing lines from a song, and also consider using commas.
Having read the rest of the story, I can see literally zero reason for the protagonist's attitude towards Celestia in the letter. It sounded like he was neutral, and more on the side of Celestia. There is no turning point in his thinking, no definitive line that showed his attitude changing. At the very end, he seems to be disgusted by the desk for no discernible reason. This isn't even a smear-fic, it's just...pure nothingness, with bland prose, poor grammar, confusing plot, and too-fast pacing.