Penumbra
Chapter 3: The Dance.
Vinyl needed a plan. Totally needed a plan. Really, really bucking needed a plan right now. If she wasn’t panicking, she’d be pointing out to herself she should have had one before she decided to murder the princess.
Okay, okay. Shut up, self. I need to figure out what I need right now. Vinyl glanced over at Pinkie, who was still moaning in pain and not entirely coherent. First thing, I need to make sure Pinks is alright.
“Pinks, do you know your font size?”
“Um… 46,” the normally chipper pony mumbled.
“Buck…” Vinyl cursed. Just over the flux safety limit. Pinks was gonna need some medical attention.
Glancing back the way they’d come, Vinyl tried to figure out what to do. She couldn’t just leave Pinkie here, but she couldn’t take the earth pony with her. They needed somewhere close by so Vinyl could sit her down and make sure she was okay. The hospital was an obvious choice, but given the recent murder of royalty, Vinyl thought it would be prudent not to show her face in someplace that would make her sit through a waiting room and sign a bunch of paperwork.
“Pinks, is there anywhere we can go that’s private?” Vinyl asked, leading Pinkie though town in a direction. She didn’t know which one, but she knew it wasn’t taking her toward the princess she ended, so that was a boon.
“Sugar… Corner,” Pinkie mumbled.
“What? Come on Pinks, you know this town better than I do. Where’s somewhere close that I can take you?”
“Library,” Pinkie murmured, leaning against Vinyl heavily. “Golden Oaks…”
The library? Come on! Vinyl rolled her eyes. Pinkie obviously wasn’t gonna be much help. Leading her through town, Vinyl paused when she saw the library that Pinkie had mentioned.
Glancing around, Vinyl sighed. No one was around and the place looked empty, so fine. It’d have to do. Pulling up to the door, she laid Pinkie on the ground. She levitated a paper clip and a bobby pin out of her bags and began working at the lock. With a click it opened, and Vinyl pulled Pinkie up and entered into the building, dragging Pinkie with her.
She closed the door behind her and laid Pinkie down on the floor. After a look around the building, Vinyl confirmed to herself that no one was in the library. With that done, she settled down to take care of Pinkie.
Reaching into her saddlebag, Vinyl retrieved some basic enchantment creation tools. With her ridiculously tiny font, she sort of had to rely on such tools to get by as a unicorn. Now if only Vinyl knew a thing about healing magic. Pinkie wasn’t in a desperate situation, but still, it certainly wouldn’t be wise to leave her in this state without any kind of magical care.
“Remember Vinyl, remember. What do you do when somepony overdoses?” she tapped a hoof against her head. “Recovery position, uh… call the cops… um… Clear airways… Buck!” she spat. This was useless! She didn’t know anything that would help Pinkie recover.
Standing up and pacing, Vinyl tried to figure out anything she could do to help Pinkie out. After a moment, an idea came to her. How about a sleeping spell? She plopped down on her haunches, and Vinyl set about creating one with the tools she had. Her mind focused on the task at hand, she felt her panic subside as she was swept up in the complex task of making a permanent spell vessel. It wasn’t a very good one, resulting in a sleep that was probably a bit restless, but it’d do.
She laid the copper wire circlet that was the enchanted item over Pinkie’s head with her telekinesis. By the goddess this was quick and dirty enchanting. Still, it did its job, and in a second, Pinkie’s breathing levelled out and her pained murmuring stopped.
She was asleep. Good. That was good... right?
There was nothing more Vinyl could do to help her, so she stood up and began pacing. What now? What now? What to do now?
Information. She needed information on the… stony thingies… The Elements, that’s what Mal had called them. Right before Vinyl murdered- Woah! Not the time to be thinking of that. Practical stuff now, emotional baggage later.
Vinyl turned and took the orbs out of her saddlebag with her mouth. She didn’t want to use her telekinesis too much more tonight if she could help it. Having arrayed them in front of her, Vinyl began to gently probe them with her magic. Nope, nothing. They just felt like rocks, but… There was a magical effect present. Another pony’s magic…
Vinyl channelled a tiny bit of magic into her sunglasses, causing them to glow purple. She didn’t have the power to just channel magic into her eyes like some unicorns could, so she made do with a permanent enchantment on her sunglasses. It was a good thing that the crack in the lens hadn’t severed any of the microfiber ley lines. Those things were a pain to set.
With magic augmenting her vision, Vinyl noticed a very simple spell linking the five orbs. It appeared to be fairly small-scale, so Vinyl decided to risk mana burn and charged the spell with a little from her own font.
A dim… aura surrounded all the orbs, each with their own colour. The auras all drifted off and formed a thin line pointing in various directions. Vinyl scratched an itch above her ear with her hoof as she pondered what the auras could mean. She noticed that one of the orbs had a blue aura and a connection linking it to… Pinkie?
…What? Standing up, Vinyl trotted over to the sleeping pony, and rolled the stone along in front of her with a hoof. She propped the stone against Pinkie and waited for… Something to happen. Nope, nothing. Unless you counted Pinkie hugging the stone in her sleep and a smile appearing on her face.
The Elements. That’s what Malus had called them, right? So these Elements had the mystical power of being some kinda substitute teddy bear? That really didn’t seem like something worth killing-
No, bad thoughts, bad thoughts. There’s still stuff to learn here.
Clinging desperately to the hope that she hadn’t murdered somepony in cold blood for no reason at all, Vinyl began to browse the shelves. The Elements. The Elements… Probably under E.
Vinyl’s mastery of cataloguing was not tested, and soon she found a book called ‘The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide’. It wasn’t the only book with ‘The Elements’ in its title, but the other ones were ‘The Elements of a Good Essay,’ and ‘The Elemental Approach to Investigation’ by some pony named Sherclop. With the book in her mouth, Vinyl trotted over to the couch and lay down. She opened it and began to read.
---
Luna didn’t move; she just lay there, still and unresponsive as she was rolled into a body bag. She didn’t make a sound or react in any way as the zip was drawn and the brown unicorn in golden armour levitated her up onto the gurney.
Penumbra swallowed, unable to say anything. It was still night time, and she knew all the ponies had expected her to raise the sun hours ago, but…
Luna was dead. It just… didn’t seem possible. Twilight had been friends with her, the humorously out-of-touch and endearingly old-fashioned alicorn. By the goddesses, Penumbra could still feel the pain she’d felt as her skin burst and her muscles rippled after Luna’s surprise attack, but she didn’t care. Luna was a friend. She didn’t remember anything, and Penumbra had never expected Luna to lash out at her like she had, but she was a friend.
“We’ll have the autopsy complete by tomorrow, your highness,” a brown doctor in a white coat told her.
“No.”
He hesitated. “Your highness?”
“Luna was an alicorn and a goddess.” And a friend. “She will be buried next to Celestia in the Canterlot grounds, and she will have full respects. A statue of her will be commissioned to match her sister’s, and she will be buried in a coffin. No autopsy, or her body being desecrated any further.”
“Yes, your highness.” The doctor bowed, though he sounded hesitant and confused.
Penumbra sighed as she thought about Luna. How long had it been since she last really talked with her? It was only towards the end of her first lifetime that they became close friends. She hadn’t known her at all during the second and she’d lived to twenty nine then… So twenty nine years on top of the two decades as an alicorn… forty nine years, since she’d really last known Luna. It was funny; technically not a second had passed since their first introduction, but to Penumbra it had been forty nine years, almost two lifetimes…
“Princess.” She shook her head to clear it, and wrapped a tendril around the royal guard that had approached her.
“Yes?” she asked him.
He rose out of his bow. “I’ve surveyed the scene, and it matches Malus’ recount of the event. Nightmare Moon did attack Spike, though Spike was knocked unconscious and doesn’t remember her defending him. Everypony fled once the fight started, but there is significant magical damage to the site, so her claim that Nightmare Moon was the first to attack appears true.”
“She was the Element of Honesty,” Penumbra muttered.
“Princess?”
“Nothing, continue.”
“We found the crime scene largely clear of residual magic, and it appears as though a flux crystal was destabilised. Which would certainly account for some of Malus’ blood residue. All in all, the scene is accounted for, and only one thing seems unusual.”
“That is?”
“There are a few patches of ground in the area that appear broken by magic. It is unusual that Nightmare Moon would try to manipulate the earth with telekinesis, when she has more effective and efficient combat magics available.”
That was unusual, but no great concern. “Anything else?”
“No, but we will need to interview Malus about the DJ.”
“The DJ?” Penumbra asked, feeling confused.
“Yes, the DJ,” repeated the royal guard. He must have seen the frown on Penumbra’s face because he continued, “In the original note that Malus had Spike send, she said that the DJ had stolen the Elements.”
Penumbra felt her stomach drop. The DJ… DJ P0N-3 had stolen the Elements… The Elements of Harmony. The most powerful magical artifacts in Equestria had been stolen by the DJ she had chosen.
The same DJ, who Pinkie had told her was a party animal and a wild drinker. A pony, whose name had been infamously connected to, and the face of, the party hard and drink harder culture of Twilight’s generation.
It was this pony who now possessed the Elements of Harmony.
Penumbra grit her jaw as she summoned her magic.
---
Malus was having trouble sleeping as she rolled around in her bed. She just had too much on her mind to really get any sleep. Her thoughts kept going to that strange memory illusion thing that the Elements of Harmony had caused her to have.
That memory had felt so familiar. It had felt like it was right. Mal had never been at… ease with the world around her. Some part of her had always felt like something was just… off. But that memory actually made her feel-
Penumbra slammed into the reality of her room with a vicious crack. Malus only just rolled out of bed in time as Penumbra flung it aside with her magic, stalking towards Mal angrily. Her mane was billowing out and moving rapidly, the pink streak in her hair writhing like an angry snake.
“The Elements of Harmony. The. Elements. Of. Harmony. Were stolen from you, by a DJ. DJ P0N-3.” Mal bumped into the wall behind her. “They were taken from right in front of you, by a unicorn DJ.”
Mal didn’t answer as she felt herself get raised by magic and pinned to the wall.
“The Elements of Harmony are the single most powerful artifact in Equestria. There is no source of natural magic in existence that has more power than them. Each individual one of them has enough power to reshape the earth. They are tied directly to destiny itself, and you lost them to a DJ.”
“…” Mal decided silence was prudent.
“Did you give them away to her?” Penumbra asked after a moment. “How could she have taken them from you! You’re Malus! You killed Chrysalis and Blueblood, your name is a byword for death in Manehattan. Ponies everywhere fear you, and you somehow lost the Elements, mere hours after you killed a living goddess. A goddess. How?! How could you have possibly been overcome?”
Silence filled the room for a minute, before Penumbra released her hold on Malus and turned away.
Mal dropped to the ground and rubbed her legs where Penumbra had held them. They were probably going to bruise.
“Say something. Defend yourself. Do anything, other than stay silent.”
After a moment Malus shrugged. “Sorry.”
Silence filled the room. It stayed that way for almost a minute, and Mal shifted uncomfortably.
Penumbra’s shoulders drooped, and her mane seemed to shimmer less. The snake in her hair slumped. “These last twenty years have been a stay in Tartarus.” Penumbra sighed. “Wars that were never supposed to have happened… Blueblood, the changelings… Manehattan.” She sighed again. “The constant stream of mismatches and stillborn foals, the gryphon nation is collapsing in civil war and the violence will inevitably cross over to us. This is not the way it was supposed to be.”
To Mal, it didn’t seem like there was any response she was supposed to give to that. She watched as her hat floated off of its hanger and drifted over to land on her head. Why Penumbra would put it on her head was beyond her, but she decided against asking.
“How did Celestia do it? How did she manage to make a perfect world? Was it trial and error? Did she take millennia to get it right?” Her ears turned around as if hoping Malus would answer.
Mal shrugged.
Penumbra snorted. “Of course you don’t know.” She turned back to face Mal. “I’m going to make this world perfect. I’m going to recreate the paradise she perfected, even if it takes me centuries. I’ll do it alone if I have to, but I will do it. At the moment, I’m finding it hard to believe that you or Spectra have a place in a perfect world.”
She let that hang in the air for a moment.
“Find the DJ, bring me back the Elements. Start today. The sun will rise in a moment, and you always were an early riser. Do you understand me?”
Mal nodded.
“Good. Any questions?”
Mal paused. “Who’s Applejack?”
Penumbra stiffened. “… Where did you hear that name?” she asked, her voice getting low.
Mal adjusted the hat on her head. “You shouted it at me… Was he my father?”
Penumbra seemed caught off guard by that, and the snake in her hair stiffened. “No… Applejack was… a very dear friend of mine. Sometimes you remind me of her…”
“What happened to her?”
Penumbra didn’t answer. “Get started today, Malus. I want the Elements back in our hooves. I’ve had enough of trusting destiny.”
There was another flash of magic, and she was gone.
Mal sighed as she surveyed her damaged room. The sun started to rise as she set about cleaning the mess. Yes, there were servants to deal with it, but she was never one to allow others to do her work for her. Once the mess was as clean as she could make it, Mal picked up her ruined coat and stepped outside. The coat was a mess of damaged leather and bloody patches. She’d need a new one.
Malus took the time to toss her coat in a dustbin as she passed and made her way to the royal guard barracks. Every pony that saw her immediately turned around and headed another way, except for the royal guard who took the time to nod respectfully.
The palace was a flurry of activity, and Malus suspected that she was the cause of it. More than a few attendants were glancing at her fearfully. Apparently killing a living goddess spreads your name pretty quick.
It wasn’t long till she was at the barracks. “Princess.” The guard standing at the door bowed as he said her name. “Can I help you?”
“Carriage to Ponyville,” Malus answered him.
“Yes princess,” he told her. “When would-”
“Now,” she cut him off.
“Yes, princess. Most of our flying carriages are in use, but we can have one ready in the hour. Would you like us to hitch it in the courtyard?”
Mal nodded. “Tell me when it’s ready.”
He bowed once more as she turned away and walked towards a different section of the castle. As she walked away, Mal heard murmurs of “Godhunter.” She snorted at the idea. Anypony who went and hunted a god deserved what they got when they found themselves in a lot of pain.
The trot to the royal tailor took no longer than her walk to the barracks did. In general, the royal palace commissioned its outfits from several more expensive and higher class shops in and around Canterlot, but when it came to simple repairs, most of the work came through here. Personally, Mal didn’t like the place. The unicorn that ran it rubbed her the wrong way.
The stallion behind the bench turned to her as she entered. “Princess Malus.” Stitch gave his false smile that never touched his eye as she walked towards him. “It’s a pleasure to serve you.” No it wasn’t. He wanted her to go away. “How can I help you?”
“You can’t,” she answered curtly. “Blood Eyes in?”
He tried to convince her he was happy about his dismissal with another smile, before he bowed and turned away. “Blood-”
“Yeah, I heard her.” The gryphoness, interrupted him and stepped out of the room. “Fuck off, Stitch.” She jerked her thumb away.
Stitches eye twitched, but he turned away. “Excuse me, princess.”
After he’d left, Blood Eyes turned to Malus with a smile, and this one was real. “What can The Royal Hunter do for you?”
Malus actually liked Blood Eyes. The albino gryphon had never once tried to suck up to Mal, or pander to her, or offer her false words of encouragement. No, the first time Mal had approached her, the gryphon told her to ‘fuck off,’ without any hesitation. Malus had been surprised, but shrugged and came back later.
Sometimes Mal wondered what her story was. She’d only been working in the palace for about a year now, but her skill with leather and animal skin had made her useful to both Spectra and Malus. She certainly cut a striking image. An albino gryphon who was larger than most males of her species and who covered her eyes with a thin black cloth? Yeah, that drew a bit of attention. Though with a name like Blood Eyes and being white as snow, no one really wondered what her eyes looked like. Despite the cloth, she always walked with a predatory grace, and knew exactly what she was doing at all times, never fumbling or knocking anything over. It was probably thin enough for her to see through it easily.
“My coat,” Malus stated in answer to her question.
“Yeah, you’re not wearing it.” Blood Eyes smirked and waved a claw at Mal’s bare back. “Lose it?”
“Damaged. Need a new one.”
“Damaged?” she repeated. “Dude, I worked that leather for like a week. It was manticore skin, how’d you damage that?”
Malus just shrugged.
Blood Eyes tilted her head upwards slightly. Mal got the impression she just rolled her eyes. “Well I don’t have any leather on me at the moment, none that’s good enough for a new coat anyway. You okay with waiting a few days?”
Malus nodded.
“Alright. I’ll go hunting tonight and see what I can bring back. Probably won’t be anything as nice as manticore skin. Ugh… the shit I do for you ponies.” Mal turned to leave when Blood Eyes spoke again. “Hey, now that you’re old cloak’s damaged, want to try for a new design?”
Stopping to look back over at her, Malus tilted her head.
“I mean, do you want me to make the exact same cloak as last time, or would you rather something a little new and different?”
Mal just shook her head.
“Dude, don’t be lame. Come to the back with me and I’ll show you what I mean.” She tilted her head towards the door that led to the tailor’s work area. “Stitch made your coat, and that guy has no idea what looks badass or not. Come back here with me and I can get you something that’ll make you look like a freaking godhunter.”
Mal thought about it for a second before she shrugged and jumped over the bench. If Blood Eyes was surprised by the unprincess-like behaviour, she didn’t show it. They stepped through the door, and the gryphon led the way to her own work room. She didn’t actually tan the leather here, just cut and shaped it. There was a little fridge in the corner, and Blood Eyes opened it up.
She looked around for a minute before she took out a tray of ice, and a plate of left over fish, which she dumped on the table. Next, she stopped at a cabinet in the corner before she came back with a bottle and two glasses.
“Applejack?” she asked.
Malus blinked in surprise. “What did you just say?”
“I said do you want some applejack?” the gryphon held up a bottle that had ‘applejack’ written across the front.
Malus shook her head. Huh.
“Alright then. I got some other stuff too, like whiskey or whatever. I got some thirty year old scotch, that stuff’s a real rarity.”
Malus blinked at the faint pressure behind her temples and nodded after a second. “Whiskey.”
“Nice.” A bottle of whiskey landed on the table. “I like to mix that with some vodka and a dash of rainbow from time to time.”
Mal put a hoof to her head. “What did you just say?” She scrunched her face up as a headache cut her mind sharply.
“Yeah it’s weird right? Who’d think that some rainbow’d make it taste nicer?” She looked at Mal and noticed her face. “Dude, you okay?”
Mal nodded, though the frown stayed on her face.
Blood Eyes shrugged and turned away. “There was this drink I liked.” She snapped her fingers. “Shit, what was that called? Uh… it was a real pinky colour.” Mal felt her headache grow a bit sharper. “They only sold it at this club in Dice, you know down in Neighvada?” she glanced at Mal who didn’t respond. “I think it was called Flutterbi’s or something.”
Mal scrunched her eyes up and fell to her haunches. “Stop that.”
“Stop what?” Blood Eyes turned to her. “What am I doing?”
“…Nothing?” Mal said, feeling confused. The pain in her skull was making thinking hard.
Blood Eyes shook her head in confusion and turned away before she stopped. “Oh! I remember what the drink’s called. Yeah, it’s the Twilight Sparkler.”
Mal crossed the distance between them in an instant and had the gryphon pinned to the wall. “What did you just say?!”
Blood Eyes seemed surprised. “Dude, calm down.”
The throbbing in Mal’s head was like someone had put her brain on an anvil and the blacksmith had set to work. “What was… that?”
“Uh… a drink I liked?”
After a second, Malus stepped away and let Blood Eyes fall to all fours.
“You alright dude?” the gryphon asked, concern in her voice. “Sure you don’t want some applejack?”
The pain between Mal’s ears cleared away. “Applejack…” she repeated.
“Yeah, it’s a nice enough drink.” Blood Eyes said as she put all her drinks away. “Why, does it mean anything to you?”
“…” Mal was about to not answer when… she spoke. “I’m looking for somepony named Applejack.” Mal paused and blinked in surprise. Why did she say that?
“Really?” Blood Eyes shrugged. “Sounds like an Apple family name to me.”
Mal glanced over at her and raised an eyebrow.
“Yeah. Big earth pony family, spread all over Equestria. They used to be huge, but they got hit pretty hard by the event, and since then they’ve had terrible stillborn and mismatch rates. If you’re looking for an Applejack, then I’d start there.”
Mal nodded after second.
“There’s Apple family in Ponyville, which isn’t too far from Canterlot. Maybe you could start there?”
Malus just looked at her.
“Oh, shit. Weren’t we here for a coat? Sorry, I got sidetracked.” Blood Eyes shook her head and turned away. “What Stitch had for you was basically just a big leather coat, but in the Canterlot style, or as close as he could get it. What I’m thinking, is something a bit more like this…” she reached into a cupboard and took out a big heavy leather coat. “This isn’t the real one, just something I had brought in from Appleoosa, but this is what a real duster looks like. I’m thinking I make your next coat look like this, but with better materials and such. You know, get that real badass look going.”
Mal ran her hoof over the garb. After a while she shrugged. “Fine.”
Blood Eyes snorted. “Dude, ‘fine’? Come on… This is gonna be so awesome when you wear it.”
Mal just shrugged again and turned away to walk outside. After a second, she heard the sound of Blood Eyes padding after her, muttering about why she even bothered.
Mal stopped, one hoof raised in the air, when she saw Spectra standing on the other side of the desk. They both stared at each other for a second until Spectra’s eye hardened and her mouth twisted into a sneer.
“What are you doing here?” she asked with a vicious voice.
Mal glanced over her shoulder at Blood Eyes.
After a second’s silence, the gryphon spoke. “She’s here to get a new coat. Her old one was shredded apparently.”
Spectra snorted. “What’s the matter? Too shy to speak for yourself now?”
Mal didn’t answer that; she just hopped over the counter and went to step past Spectra out the door. The pegasus stepped in front of her though, her gaze set in a challenging glare. Malus levelly returned the look.
They were staring at each other for a second before Blood Eyes broke in. “Kiss!”
Both Spectra and Malus balked and turned to her.
The gryphon burst into laughter. “Oh, Celestia. The looks on your faces.” She chuckled and wiped an imaginary tear from her covered eye. “Priceless. Oh mare, how wrong would that be if you two did?”
Spectra and Mal glanced at each other, before Spectra stepped forward and slapped her ruined vest on the bench. “I need this fixed.”
Blood Eyes picked it up and chuckled. “Both of you come to me with ruined coats? What, you tear them from each other’s backs or something?”
Spectra snorted. “As if. Me and her? It’d be a pity fuck if anything else.”
Blood Eyes chuckled. “I dunno, I can think of a few that might try to bag a princess.” She turned the coat around in her hands. “Yeah, this thing’s gone. You’re gonna need a new one. Oh! Yeah, I was just talking to Mal about her new coat. Why don’t you come in back and I’ll see if I can get you something cool too.”
“Whatever.” Spectra said and hopped over the desk with a flap of her wings. The two disappeared through the door.
Sighing, Malus turned and made her way to the courtyard.
---
Slowly, Vinyl opened the door a crack and peeked at the sleeping form on her couch. In the darkness of her apartment, her shades burned with magic as they augmented her sight. They let off a faintly purple glow as Vinyl pumped the tiniest trickle of magic into them.
Thanks to magical sight, she could see everything clearly. The breeze moving the curtains, the cello balanced against the wall, her old fashioned record player sitting on the black glass shelves. The coffee table with the double page art book of her album covers. All of this was visible to her, but instead her eyes stayed on the one thing in the room that really mattered.
The grey earth pony with the black mane, and the rising and falling of her chest. The adorable way she kicked a forehoof now and then, as if playing some ghostly instrument. The little smile that flicked across her lips now and then. She was sprawled on her back, her head no longer resting on the pillow, with her forelegs pointing into the air. She looked so damn beautiful; normally it might have made Vinyl jealous.
Vinyl watched this all for about a minute until a very important thought entered her head.
“What the buck am I doing?” she muttered to herself and pulled away, closing the door. “What the heck was that? Watching somepony sleep.”
She shook her head in disgust as she wandered into her bathroom. She closed the door and flicked the lights on, cutting the stream of magic to her sunglasses and leaving them lying on the sink.
She hadn’t left her bedroom to watch Octavia sleep. She’d just opened the door to check up on her while heading to the bathroom for business. Once business was taken care of, she flushed the toilet and went to the sink to put the purple shades back on. She paused as she did so, catching her reflection in the mirror.
Her eyes were baggy like they always were, and her magenta irises were surrounded by bloodshot veins. Her blue hair was the same spikey mess it always was, looking like she’d just rolled out of bed, even if in this case that was what had just happened.
“Looking good, Vinyl.” She snorted to herself sarcastically, and put her sunglasses back on.
“Yeah that’s better… What are you doing?” she asked herself. “Inviting Octavia to sleep on your couch?”
The glasses were slipped off, and Vinyl shrugged at her reflection. “She’s a friend right? Why can’t I help a friend that got kicked out of her apartment cause she couldn’t pay rent?”
The shades covered her eyes again. “Nothing’s wrong with it, but that’s not why you’re doing it.”
The glasses came off and Vinyl blushed. “That’s bullshit. Octavia’s just a friend.”
“Mhmm,” her reflection answered her, and Vinyl didn’t need to be able to see her own eyes to know that was sarcastic. “So, when you met Octavia, the first thing in your head was, ‘Damn. I dig that chick’s cello’? You weren’t staring at her flank at all?”
“No I wasn’t.” Vinyl answered indignantly, her eyes flashing with anger. “We weren’t even friends when we first met.”
The glasses went back on. “How did you become friends?”
Vinyl shrugged. “I dunno… how does anypony become friends?”
“You became friends with her because you made time for her. You were the one who drew her in, Vinyl. Not her.”
“Does that matter?” Vinyl took the sunglasses off. “We’re friends now; that’s it.”
They reflected the light as they covered her eyes again. “It matters, because you have a tiny one bedroom apartment, and you agreed to let her stay here for as long as she needs. It matters, because you were just watching her sleep. It matters, because when you were using the movable showerhead earlier, it was-”
“Woah!” Vinyl interrupted herself. “That’s getting kinda private, don’t you think?”
“Vinyl… I’m you.” She shook her head in disbelief.
“Oh… Right.” Vinyl muttered as she stared at her reflection.
The shades covered her eyes again. “The point is, Octavia’s straight. Whereas I’m… not gay… but not reeling in just the stallions… and I might just like mares a little… bit more… and Con Mane is totally not as hot as Daring Do- Whatever! The point is you want things from this mare, and those things aren’t going to happen. Stop pulling her closer, stop leading yourself on, and for the love of Celestia, stop talking to yourself in the mirror. Kay?”
Vinyl took the shades off and stared at her reflection for a second. She turned away from it, and slid the glasses back over her face. Reaching one hoof forward-
O
Vinyl sat up and stared around the room, her eyes adjusting to the sunlight streaming in. She rubbed a hoof against her eye and wondered why she was in a library. She yawned and reached for her shades, only to find them gone. Glancing around the room, her eyes widened when she saw Pinkie lying on the floor unconscious.
“Oh shit!” Vinyl swore and jumped to her hooves, her memories returning to her. “I fell asleep!” She glared at the book she’d been using as a pillow. “Celestia damn it all. I’m never reading again!” She blinked in surprise when she noticed four of the stone balls at the base of the couch.
Staring at them, Vinyl felt confusion rise in her. They were all clustered around her sunglasses, and they’d been touching her hoof as it dangled over the couch.
“I didn’t leave any of you there,” she stated flatly. When they didn’t answer her, she scowled and reached for her sunglasses with her hoof. As she picked them up, all of the orbs rolled in to touch her.
Find magic! The voice slammed into her head, driving her to the ground. As she looked up, she saw the ethereal figures of four ponies standing before her. You have brought laughter. They all spoke as one. Bring us harmony. Balance WILL be restored.
Vinyl scrambled to her hooves and backed away, eyes wide with fear. She stared, gaping, as the ethereal ponies seemingly blew away in the wind. Which was weird, cause there was no bucking breeze in the library! Oh, nice Vinyl! Because that’s what was weird about that!
Vinyl shook her head to clear it. “What the buck was that?” Not even bothering with preserving her magic, Vinyl telekinetically snatched up her sunglasses. “Oh shit-shit-shit-shit! Now’s not the time to be going crazy.”
She spotted the bathroom and ran into it before turning the taps on and splashing water over her face. Her sunglasses stopped her from clearing her eyes, so she put them on the rim of the sink and wet her face again. With her hooves, she snatched up the towel and dried her face.
“Fuck me dead.” Vinyl paused and blinked. “‘Fuck’?” She looked at herself in the mirror. “I never say that…”
After a moment, she blinked and rolled her eyes. Of all the things to worry about now… She checked her reflection again. Yep, red eyes. Not magenta, red. Just more proof that those dreams were insane and didn’t mean a damn thing. She slid the sunglasses back onto her face before turning away.
“No,” she said commandingly, and stopped to look back at the mirror. Vinyl was staring back at her with the sunglasses covering her eyes. “No,” she ordered. “You killed a pony, Vinyl. You killed Princess Malus, so you’re going to stop, talk to me, and explain to yourself why the fuck you did that.”
Vinyl swallowed and turned back to the mirror, her glasses sliding off her face almost subconsciously.
“Now’s not the time. I need to get out of Ponyville before-”
“‘Not the time’?” she interrupted herself. “I fell asleep Vinyl, and you haven’t been found yet. Yes, I need to move soon, but I can take five minutes to deal with my shit.”
“But-”
“But what?” Vinyl cut in as she put her glasses on. “But nothing. I’m doing this right now.” She paused and glared. “I’m not letting me get out of this.”
Her heart beating nervously, Vinyl sat down and slipped off her glasses. “Alright.”
“Good. Now, tell yourself. Why. did. you. kill. Malus?” She punctuated each pause with a hoof jab.
“I-I-I panicked?” she answered herself hesitantly. “I didn’t think?”
“Yeah, that’s possible.” Vinyl shrugged as the glasses returned to her face. “But I don’t think that’s really it. I don’t really panic very often, do I? I mean, I was a foal when Manehattan was overrun, but I kept calm then. Nah. Tell me, what reason would I have to kill The Princess?”
She slipped them off. “Uh… for the stone ball things? The Element of Harmony?”
“Now I’m getting somewhere.” Vinyl tapped a hoof to her chin as her glasses covered her eyes again. “Maybe.” She shrugged. “That could be it, but then why would you want the Elements in the first place?”
“I…I don’t know.” She glanced over her shoulder at the stones. “I just had to have them. I mean… I don’t know, I just couldn’t leave them behind.”
“Why couldn’t you?” Vinyl leaned forward, the reflection of her sunglasses reflecting her face. “Why did you have to kill Malus for them?”
“I…I… Shit. I don’t know.” She turned back to her reflection and her bare red eyes widened fearfully. “I don’t know why I did that.”
Vinyl leaned back and an eyebrow rose from beneath her sunglasses. “Really? You really, really don’t know…”
She gulped and nodded.
“Shit…” Vinyl sat back… “Well, that’s not good.” She sat there in silence for almost a minute before she continued. “Alright, then… what about these dreams and all this weird magic crap?”
“Huh?” She stared at herself, confused.
“Well, just five seconds ago four ghost ponies screamed at you to bring magic and balance or whatever.”
“Well, I thought that was just me being crazy…”
“You’re not crazy Vinyl.”
“Well… I am talking to myself in a mirror.”
Vinyl smirked and adjusted her sunglasses. “Fair point. No, this is just what you do to deal with your emotions. I have issues yeah, but talking to myself in the mirror isn't one of them.”
“Alright…”
“Anyway, the point is this. I’m not crazy enough to dream up some mare named Octavia, or ghost ponies, or shift those orbs or my shades from one end of the room to the other while I’m asleep. That shit happened by itself. There’s some magic going on here, and it has to do with Nightmare Moon and Malus. I’ve gotten myself mixed up in something, so now I have to consider my options. I don’t know why I killed Mal, so that raises the question. Did those orbs make me do it? Are they possessing me or influencing me?”
The shades slipped off her face and she turned around. “They could be…”
“Alright then, that raises the question… If they’re messing with my head, and they are the Elements of Harmony, the things that banished Nightmare to the moon, what do they want with me?”
Vinyl paused and thought about it. “Well… one of them lead me to Pinkie, and the others are all pointing in different directions… so I guess they’ll all take me to other ponies too.”
“Okay, and what will happen if you take all the Elements to all the different ponies they ask?”
“Uh… I dunno. We all get superpowers and team up to fight evil?”
Vinyl snorted. “Doubt it. The Elements represent Honesty, Loyalty, Kindness, Generosity and Laughter, right? Well I’m none of those things.”
“What do you mean? I can be loyal!” Vinyl shouted indignantly.
“Please. I oh-so loyally ditched Lyra.”
“Yeah well… Generosity?”
“When was the last time I gave anything away?”
“…I can be kind.”
“When it suits me, and I’m not even gonna joke about honesty. I lie about… heck, name something we don’t lie about? I mean, I was faking my ID when I was fourteen.”
“Well what about Laughter then? That’s not too out there.”
“No it’s not, but come on… Pinkie remember? If the Elements wanted her, there’s no way she’s not Laughter.”
“Wall what about the sixth one? The mystery…”
“I’ve only got five elements, remember? No… What’s happening here is I’m a dupe. A drug mule. The Elements want me to run them to whoever they actually belong to. That’s it. I was conveniently nearby when Malus and Nightmare were having their grudge match.”
“Yeah… Okay. That makes sense, I guess.”
“Now, I don’t know what will happen if we try to leave them behind, but either way we’re on the run from the law. I say we hold onto them for now, and use them as bargaining tools. Try to ransom them off for a pardon or whatever.”
Vinyl snorted as she took her glasses off.
She put them back on. “What? What’s so funny.”
“Nothing just… I’m never getting another gig again, am I?”
Vinyl went to put her glasses on again when a knock sounded at the door and startled her. She fumbled her magic and dropped her sunglasses. They fell down and skittered across the floor under a cupboard.
“Crap.” Vinyl bent down to pick them up when someone knocked on the library door again.
With a final despairing sigh, Vinyl ran out to the main room and threw all the Elements in her saddlebag. After another second, she threw Pinkie’s wire frame circlet in as well. She looked around the room before she threw the bag into the bathroom and pulled the door shut.
“Will you open up please? I can hear you in there.” The voice of a mare in her twenties rang out through the wood of the door.
Vinyl glanced around desperately for a hiding place or something before the voice called out again.
“Please open the door.”
She grit her jaw and silently prayed to Penumbra that the guards wouldn’t have spread her appearance already, or figured out that she was the one that killed Malus.
“Yeah, sorry I’m coming,” she said as she crossed the floor and opened the door. “What can I…” trailing off, Vinyl found herself looking at the purple chest of somepony. A very tall somepony. Vinyl’s neck craned up until she found herself staring into the eyes of none other than Princess Penumbra. Or actually, to be correct, her lack of eyes.
“Hello,” she smiled politely as her astral mane blew against the wind. “May I come in?”
I'm sorry people. I really am. I wanted this chapter out sooner than it is, and even now it's not ready. I'm gonna hate myself for publishing this later. I didn't want it to end on a cliff hanger but... Crap. I'm really sorry guys for the three or four months its taken me to write a short and disappointing chapter. If you guys hate it too much I'll take it down, and I'll post it up proper later.
The main reason this took so long to write is that I'm lazy, and bone idle. But! There is another fic I'm working on in collaboration with another author that is taking up most of my attention. We've been writing it in large amounts, and very fast. Once it's completed I can promise more frequent (and not pidly sized) updates on this.
If you care you can find that story here.
The other thing is I'm working on is another story called A Long Journey. I know it's humanized, but there are no OC's in it, and I'm seriously happy with the way the way it's turning out.
Anyway, again so sorry for the infrequent updates and how bloody piddly this chapter is. I'm gonna just post it now and hate myself later. I'm so freaking sorry guys.
Thanks to OrphiusOlyandra and AlicornPriest for pre reading. You guys are great. (except you Orphius)
I got some other stuff too, like whisky or whatever. There's supposed to be an E in whiskey.
I have a feeling this is going to en bad for Twilight.
I actually liked this chapter!
Crazy Vinyl Scratch!
Though that cliffhanger... Not to nag, but I hope the next chapter doesn't take a few months.
1731719
Well, I wouldn't say that this chapter was piddly. It may not have been the Thanksgiving sized thing the last chapter was but this wasn't piddly. The cliffhanger was nice and it seems to make Twilight into the "kindest tyrant". She somewhat throttles Malus earlier but has the decency to knock instead blast the door open or even teleport in at the end. All this serves to do is make me enjoy reading this story more, break my normal reading cycle, and keep me thinking of different theories for how things have/are going down. Keep up the good work.
I have pierced the veil of the future of this fanfic, and beheld only, oblivion.
But still hope remains. And though justice demand that she DIE for her crimes, only she can prevent the destruction of all that we know.
Nice! So do we get more updates as christmas presents pweese? :3
1731719
Not even 10,000 words? I am ashamed of you! Here I was expecting a 20,000 word epic or something.
And you know I'm great, but I know how saying nice things hurts you, so I'll let it slide.
Also, I still find the glass on-off thing a tad annoying, but this time it's only limited to the start of the crazy section where you'd doing it so much to get people to know what's going on and what the glasses mean. After that it gets a lot better.
1731875
Thanks for pointing that out. Fixed.
1731958
I'm not gonna tell you whether that's true or not, but let me put it this way: Things could easily go worse for her.
1732137
Thanks. Vinyl was actually something that my pre reader Orphius didn't like. Something about her being too sane for an insane person.
And yeah, I hate that cliffhanger. I hope the next chapter doesn't take months too.
1733340
I think I can try for that. And hopefully next update won't be pathetically short.
1732137
Thanks, I try. But I seriously hate that cliffhanger. Keep working on those theories. I love hearing them.
1733238
So what does that mean? You're predicting an 'every one dies' ending? And you think Twilight's the one behind this, and the one who can stop it? This I will say: Event fell out of her control long ago. She just hasn't admitted that yet.
1733358
I know, I know. I'm completely fucking disgusted with how small this chapter is.
Well, how would you fix it? I need to let people know that's how this answer question thing works for her, so sorry if it gets in the way but it's kinda necessary.
1733694
And you should be!
I'd just make the reflection talk about to her rather than using the glasses at all, but that limits the amount of fun you can have with split personalities later on. Or, you know, just make Vinyl more insane.
1733713
Yeah, seven thousand words is alright for your chapters, but I got standards.
Nah, glasses on, glasses off Vinyl is kinda important later. I needed to establish the difference between Vinyl who presses the matter and takes charge, and Vinyl how actually deals with her emotions.
1733732
Well for Simulacrum, it's more hovering around 5000 so yeah. And by 'standards' does this mean I get to now mercilessly mock you for writing anything under 10,000 words?
True. Perhaps rewording? Now sure how though.
1733757
I don't see why not. We mock each other relentlessly anyway.
1733795
That we do
1295514
I think I should update this theory of mine from the previous chapter. Twilight mentions that she wants to recreate the perfect world that Celestia had created. Also what keeps being mentioned is all of the stillbirths and mismatches occurring. Take those along with Twilight saying she's not so sure that Malus and Spectra fit in anymore with the world she wants to create, it almost seems like Celestia had more control of the world then previously mentioned. I'm thinking that Celestia either had a hand/hoof/whatever in guiding who does what and marries who or she actively created and maintained everyone in Equestria except for Twilight.
1734010
Thanks for posting your theory. I'd love to get some real discussion going as to what's happened/happening.
1733694 sorta. There was a prophecy in this game I played (Starcraft 2) and I couldn't shake the feeling that it would be comparable to the story in some way. That was a few hours ago, and now I wonder why I thought that at all.
1735074
Hmm... It's not an entirely inapt comparison. You could have made worse.
mmm hmm, I like, I like
but I want MAOR!
1736754
Sadly, I'm quite a slow writer and distracted by several other fics at the moment. Though I will definitely try to update this before Christmas.
Alternate timelines! That is my guess. Although not much of a guess at all since the way Penumbra was talking kinda spelled it it... Or maybe it didn't. Wih you it is so hard to tell and I freaking love it!
Anyway, I can't believe it took me so long to get to reading this! Sometimes I kinda randomly forget about fimfiction and wander off to other parts of the Internet. Which is why I have yet to comment on your other story. That's coming soon, though. I promise.
1744393
Alternate Timelines? I'll say this, you're getting warmer.
Read it when you get the time, don't worry about it. My ego's not so delicate as to be bruised by you having other things you'd rather do.
1746154
Really?? Yes! I mean, even getting warmer is an accomplishment... Alternate universes that Twi can see/remember/whatever? Alternate... I dunno. Something alternate. Ahem, annyway...
I know, I wouldn't presume that I could wound you but I feel bad because I did promise I would read and comment but I get distracted so easily. Well, thank you for being so nice!
1757663
Keep guessing, don't give up yet.
Whenever you get around to it is fine by me.
1758606
Oh, no! I would never give up! I'm having way too much fun guessing and (most likely) getting it wrong! Besides, if I guess enough I may just land on the right answer by accident and then when things actually become clear I can be all 'I knew it!' Hmm... Twilight messes with the time-space continuum?
I officially added it to my Read Later so if I forget/get distracted again I can just look at the 1 and I'll remember 'I have to read something!' Now that I think about it, my attention span really is ridiculous... Which is why I love that you got me to stick around for a twenty-thousand word chapter without once wandering off! It's an accomplishment
Wow... You wrote two lines and I replied with two paragraphs. I, um, tend to ramble when I'm in a good mood...
1758636
Hah! You think you can ramble? I'd point out that I'm the one writing the retardedly huge chapters. One time I wrote a two thousand word review for a fic just because I was bored and had nothing better planned. The collab I've been working on with Orphius was intended to have about five thousand word updates. Recently, they've been getting up to fifteen thousand, and I'm pretty sure that's mostly my fault. So, yeah. You can ramble, but I'm pretty sure you aren't half as bad as me.
1758661
I bow down to the Rambling Master. I beg of you- teach me your ways! I shall be a faithful student and shall never- oh, butterfly!
On a slightly more serious note, that is damn impressive. Don't think I'd ever be able to write a two thousand word review... I could try, but I'm pretty sure it would end up being about chocolate or something and that's not really a review. But fifteen thousand words? That's... Okay, honestly, how do you do it? Your chapters are amazingly long and amazingly good quality! I don't mind you rambling if you ramble out stuff like this! Or the fifteen thousand word chapters on the other story. What's that one about, anyway? Your rambling is very on topic, though. Mine tends to be... random. Such as extrapolating two sentences into two paragraphs that are loosely connected to said sentences. Well, not exactly loosely... Back on topic: you no doubt have me beat in sheer word mass when it comes to rambling. And quality of said word mass, of course.
1758755
Glad that you think my sheer mass of words is of reasonable quality. The master of rambling? Not sure if that's an official title, but I'm pretty sure that would have to go to Shortskirtsandexplosions for writing stories that are well... You'd have to read them to understand. Trust me, that guy puts me to shame.
How do I do it? Uh... I dunno. I get caught up in the details and exposition? One thing you might notice is my conversations usually aren't very straight forward. They go off track, or people talk around the subject. Another thing is my scenes can be quite long. In chapter one, the entire point of Mal's perspective was to get that section where she and Spectra interact and start off the idea in the readers head 'what the hell is there deal?'. But instead of just that bit, I had Mal playing with rocks in her room before hand(hoof), her thinking about why she doesn't like Penumbra, and then afterwards that scene in the carriage with her mother.
I guess those are the two main reasons I write such big chapters. I don't just cut straight to the important bits, instead I add stuff before and after to contextualize it a bit. Like my friend Orphius says, I really don't have a concise writing style.
It's a character focused adventure story, explaining how Luna went from a small filly at the end of the first two episodes, to the big Alicorn with the stary Astral mane during season 2. Honestly though, most of the story is about Gilda who gets roped into this quest of Luna's along with Trixie. It doesn't sound to great, and our story description is crap, but I promise you it's a pretty good story with some truly funny scenes and more than enough strong characterization by me and Orphius to carry what's an otherwise directionless plot line.
You can find it here.
It's a collaborative effort, and I have had a lot of fun writing it.
What's really impressive about it, is just how quickly we've written it. I swear, we only started this a month or two ago and we're up to chapter nineteen already, with some really decent sized chapters too. Only eight chapters have been published, and they're being released weekly. Also, read the comments beneath it. They can be quite funny.
And as a side note, Gilda is the character I'm best known for writing. Writing her as a main character has been a real treat.
1759197
Yes, I absolutely do think they're of reasonable quality. I must admit to a bit if jealousy- though now I have a level of writing to aspire to, I suppose. Well, it might be a bit early to go about handing out official titles. I'll have to do a bit of investigating first, make sure you're really the one for the job. Shortskirtsandexplosions? I've actually heard a lot about those stories... Never actually read one, though. Not yet, at least. Though I must I'm intrigued if he really puts you to shame! I'll have to look up some of those stories then.
See, but in other writers that would be a bad thing. Going off track when it comes to the main point of the scene. But you manage to make it all feel very natural and I don't feel like I'm reading padding or just extra stuff shoved in. It all fits together and everything is important, either to plot or character development. I liked Mal's perspective, though I can see how that may have gotten a bit lengthier then what you originally intended. I may also be slightly biased here, since I rather enjoy details and context being explained thoroughly and stuff like that.
Whoa. That sounds kind of awesome! Don't think I've really seen an entire fanfic dedicated to how Luna went from filly to astral-maned-goddess. Though, from what you're telling me, that's not really what it's dedicated to. Sounds like an interesting combination of characters, too- Gilda, Luna, and Trixie all together. Added this to my read later, too! I'm gonna have to make 'later' sometime soon...
Okay, again I am impressed. It takes me forever to write anything if I ever even get around to finishing it, and you're churning out thousands of words with a friend in a couple months. I guess time flies when you're having fun- or fingers fly, really. (As in typing). I love reading the comments on fics. Occasionally I'll click on a story just to check out the comments and then just end up not reading the story anyway. Gilda? I mean, fitting in with canon and stuff for Gilda? She didn't have much characterization and I've never really read a fic with her in it... I'll have to see how I feel about Gilda in this one! Oh, and she's in the other fic of yours, right? I'm sure by the time I'm done with both of them, I'll be positively in love. It does sound nice to spend an entire story focusing on a character you love to write!
1762984
Shortskirtsandexplosions is famous for his ability to write twenty thousand word chapters where nothing happens. Trust me, the guy's ramblings makes mine seem short and concise.
Jealousy? I'm afraid that won't do. I've checked your profile and I can't help but notice a significant lack of stories. Yet your bio claims you enjoy writing. Is it just not on this site, or are you yet to publish? Either way I would quite like to see some of your written work.
You like details and context? Fairly amusing given that the entire idea of Penumbra is a story without its context. You see, I originally planned Penumbra to be the sequel to to another story. In fact, Penumbra wasn't even going to be a full sequel, just the prologue. But as the idea progressed Penumbra started to interest me more than the story it was intended to follow up, and then I had the crazy idea of releasing Penumbra on its own and just turning the whole AU genre on its head with the idea being the change to the universe is now the big mystery. I'll write the original, but for now Penumbra's just gonna have to stand alone.
I hope you enjoy Temple of the Stars when you get around to it. It's certainly been a fun story to work on.
Yes Gilda. Normally people portray that characters as either a two dimensional bitch, or a mopey angsty type with real deep emotions. The show actually doesn't do a very good job characterizing her, so for me it's been fun building a character around what little is available in the episode.
I think I've sort of hit the point where she's a bitch, but she's also funny and boisterous with no real idea of how to express her emotions or respond to them in other people. There's more to her than that, but you get the idea. Trust me, I've built her into a real character without resorting to 'it's not her fault' in explaining why she was such a bitch in that episode.
In A Long Journey though, I've just focused on the boisterousness and the humour as well making her badass. So far it's turned out pretty well, but she's a far less complicated character in that. A fair bit less whiny though, so eh. Depends which you like better. The badass or the actual human being, Well... you know, gryphon.
1764955
Absolutely nothing? I can't even imagine managing to go on and on without having anything happen. I will definitely have to check this author out! It'll be fun to read something that puts your rambles to shame.
Oh, I do love to write and the fact that I've got nothing published on here is because I've got a very short attention span. I think I have about six story ideas that I'm currently writing/plotting/etc. None of them are near the point where I'd allow anyone to read them. My own work really isn't that great, though I'm always hoping to improve. And compared to your stories, mine won't be very impressive if I ever do get anything up here.
Well, your combination is fairly different. There's context to individual scenes but the whole is just one big mystery. Wow. That is a convoluted way to get the idea for a story! Although I'd like to read the story that spawned the prologue that became Penumbra. I can only hope to imagine what you direction you were thinking in the first place. I'm guessing the original is a far cry from what we've got now. I like the whole 'what universe is this?' angle. Makes people think!
I'm sure I will. At the moment I'm working on chapter two of A Long Journey.
So, your Gilda is a badass with emotional issues but also a dash of Pinkie (because when anyone says boisterous and fun, she's the first thing to pop into my head). I've liked the way you wrote her so far and it doesn't seem to be at odds with canon I any way. Besides, you know, the swearing. I dislike it when people take a character who's done something bad/mean/whatever in canon and tries to recon it by excusing the behavior. Why not use it to build on the character, like you're doing? I like the Gilda in A Long Journey, but I am looking forward to getting to see your more complicated version of her in Temple of Stars, whiny or not.
1765543
Well, not absolutely nothing, but believe me the guy defines 'slow pace'. I definitely recommend giving background pony a look.
Bah! Come on! Just write something and publish it. If you want to get better, then the best way to do that is with feedback, and people need to sample your work to give you feedback. I know my first fic (Which no one should ever read, ever) was utterly terrible. But now thanks to time and effort and a friend named Orphius who put up with my abomination of a story, I'm now able to write with a degree of competency. Seriously, just focus yourself a bit and write something. Yeah, it'll probably be bad, but you'll get better. Heck, my dream is to one day compare to Robert Jordan, but in the meantime I've got my sights set on matching Kkat, TheyCallMeJub, Chuckfinley and Somber. Why? Because there's always gonna be a better writer who I cannot really compare myself to. So, I better myself and then make the comparison. I'm proud of the fact that I started at that crappy junky piece of turd called Revenge and Justice, and since then have improved up to the story you see here. The point I'm making is don't be self conscious. It's really hard to write something that was never even worth being written. Write something, publish it, and I'll be more than happy to give you feedback.
Oh, you'll read the original. And you won't even know you have. Trust me, I got plans.
Gilda's swearing came about from just my experiences with a few semi delinquent friends of mine. Honestly, the way it feels to me is the only reason Gilda doesn't badmouth like a sailor is because she's in MLP. If this was a more adult oriented show, then I'm pretty sure she'd be a real potty mouth (beak).
Also, if you wish to continue this chat it might be best to move into PM.
This story is hideously underrated, I predict that it will become more popular in the future. If you ever have any need of pre-readers, proof-readers, or editors I would be happy to help.
1771141
Glad that you enjoyed it, but I'm personally unconvinced this will ever garner a giant following. It's a bit too dark and icky for that, as well as damn confusing not to mention OOC Twilight, Applejack. Plus the prologue was bad. I seriously need to rework that.
You want to pre-read for me? Well, what experience do you have, what particular fields can you help me in? And you are aware that if you want to pre read for me, I have a ton of stories that I'm working on. I'm gonna need prereaders for those too. I don't need someone that'll just help me with Penumbra, I need someone that'll help me with Temple of the Stars, A Long Journey, Dawn of Day and the two one shots I'm working on as well.
1771658 Well I personally love dark stories, I remember when The Immortal Game was generally disliked because it was very dark with scenes of torture and carnage but now it is immensely popular. I think dark stories generally do not get enough credit and are downvoted simply because they are dark. Especially young stories. Basically, the fields I believe I would be most helpful with in pre-reading are grammer and ensuring clarity in writing. I pre-read for Spanner who writes A Troll Through the Park and I think I should be able to pre-read for multiple stories after I finish finals this week. Also, it's no skin off my nose if you don't need me as a pre-reader.
1771842
Alright I'll give you test run. If you PM me with your Email address, I'll send a gdoc your way that I've been meaning to get properly gussied up and ready for publishing for a while now. It's already had two people look over it, but an extra set of eyes never hurts.
1771842 Welcome to the insanity that is working with y1fellas (and tangentially OrphiusOlyandra). You have no idea what you just volunteered for...dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/misc_Twilight_crazy.png
1772181
Hey! He's only on a test run. The document he's dealing with is only a few thousand words long, and you still haven't seen it. Plus I'm not that bad am I? At the very least you must admit that things are never dull.
1772235 Oh I absolutely love working with you guys. It's ever so much fun. But it's still insane.
1772262
Yeah, Oprhius is nuts. Fun, but totally bonkers. I on the other hand am a paragon of good taste and clear thought.
1772307 Uh huh... Whatever helps you sleep at night y1.
1772334
Bah! Who needs sleep?
"Who's Applejack" "Oh, definitely not your father, just an old dear, dead friend of mine who you remind of so much I sometimes call you by her name. But definitely not your father who was likely also a dear friend of mine and is also probably dead."
Sigh. Twilight. You're still kind of a social idiot. Just say yes and then that you don't want to talk about her. Your offspring will be busy having their minds blown about having two mothers.
Going to leave off saying anything in detail about the fact Blood Eyes clearly knows something until I have more data instead of wildly speculating things like reincarnated canon Gilda.
Also, this bit last chapter cracked me up: "Or at least Luna thought it was impossible… She supposed it might be possible to grow a… No, that wasn’t the point." It hit extra hard because of the mood whiplash from the darkness going on and because I was just reading the latest update to Six Brides for Two Sisters and Luna ponders doing that there as well.