If you like this story, I advise you to check out my other fic Penumbra.

Otherwise, I'm pretty sure this story is destined to get thumbed down on general principle. Humanized stories tend to get a bad reputation for a reason, but I think there are some worthwhile ones out there like Tales from Mystika: A My Little Mages Story by Yondy.

Anyway, I hope you folk enjoy.

>>13300381330038

I'm in the minority I guess when I say that I like well written humanized fics better than regular ones. And I like this, keep up the good work.

>>13357411335741

Thanks. I'd originally planned on this being pony, but then I got the idea for humans and felt it added to the story's plot so it became humanized.

*stares at screen with jaw dropped* Oh. My. Flipping. Gosh. This is the best flipping thing I've ever read. And I personally like humanized stories. It gives me a chance to see the characters in a way i don't normally get to experience them in. I can just imagine all of the characters in their human forms. And horray for Gilda being a good guy (so far)! Please continue!

My opinion: Too many OC's. Your writing's not bad, and your idea seems like it might have some potential, but you introduce too many new characters and don't give enough information on them. One or two OC's are fine in the first chapter, but you should probably pay more attention to cannon characters. Also, why Philomena? That seems like an odd choice of character to humanize.

>>13360101336010

Damn. You see sir, you've just proven to me that I've failed as a writer because well... There was not a single OC in the chapter. All of those characters where humanised versions of someone form the show. If you did not pick that up, then I did not make it clear enough. Philomena was Fluttershy, Jack was Applejack, Rebecca was Rainbow Dash, Twilight Theresa, Rachel Rarity (Sweetie Bella) and Pinkie was Patricia so...

Damn. I was really trying to get that across.

>>13359841335984

Best thing you've ever read? Sir(or madam), you must not read much. Still, I'm glad you enjoyed it. More to come in the near future. Glad you liked Gilda, she's fun to write. If you like this be sure to check out my other story Penumbra.

>>13360441336044 Ah. I had a feeling it was something like that, but I honestly couldn't tell who was who. I get that it's alternate reality, but you definitely need to make their character traits clearer if you're gonna do something like that. I mean, if everyone's out of character, what's the point of doing a fanfic?

>>13361481336148

Well, the idea I had here was that as the characters develop they become more and more like their pony selves. So the character progression was the mane six going from being just a bunch of mercenaries and murderers to actual decent human being reminiscent of their pony selves. Plus, both Spike and Gilda are in character.

>>13362481336248 Yeah, I can see that working. You should still probably give some bigger hints to their identity, though, to avoid confusion. I notice you don't give a whole lot of physical description. That would probably work well.

>>13362671336267

Well, Luna goes out and outright states who Rebecca is next chapter, so I think people will be able to figure it out from there.

I agree with Ponyholics actually. It's really not clear enough and their attributes don't come through nearly as much as they should for the intro. It's only really obvious in the Gilda section namely due to the names and Luna appearing. Damn, I really should have picked up on that at the time. Sorry. The main way I can think of fixing it is to shift the Gilda section to the beginning.

>>13363421336342

Well, none of my pre-readers had issue with it. They all figured it out right away. In fact, I think I asked you at one point and your response was something like 'I think they'd have to be idiots to not pick up on that.' or something along those lines. But I'm not sure I want to reorganize the chapter. I'll see what other comments have to say.

>>13363641336364

That was with reference to Gilda's section specifically. When it came to Twi's section, you had to prod me a bit remember.

>>13363781336378

Hmm...

Maybe. I dunno. Given the likes to dislikes, I'm guessing more people picked up on it then not. Huh. Looks like that's a problem my fics are having, me never giving the reader a clear enough idea. Still, I guess I'd rather overestimate my audiences than underestimate it.

>>13363861336386

And then you stating everything rather than showing

NNEEEDDD MMMOOORRREEE

>>13363991336399

Well the next chapter is almost done, so you'll probably see that sometime next week depending on how my pre reader handles it.

>>13364001336400  Thanks quite a good read.

Told ya y1

Is a good story.

Good cover art btw. Appropriate but not too revealing.

*Skims the chapter*

The premise looks very promising.  Just a couple questions.  Is Spike going to come into the story more next chapter?  Also is he or Gilda the main character?  

>>13378791337879

Yeah, it was the best cover art I could find. Sad Human Rainbow Dash. I edited it slightly to add a stud to her nose.

But what was it that you told me?

>>13388401338840

Hmm... Well, Gilda is going to hold up most of next chapter, but she's not really the main character of this story. At this stage no one really qualifies as the main character, but it's Jack and Rebecca that seem to be getting the most screen time as I'm writing, so make of that what you will. I planned this as a group story, focusing on the development of the mane six as they travel together. This chapter and the next don't really carry that as much as I'd like them to. But this chapter serves to introduce all the characters and set up some of the situation, where next chapter is primarily about setting up the rest of the story. After that, chapter 2 onwards, it should settle into the brunt of what I want this story to be.

>>13393691339369  That's fine.  

  Spike being forced to travel with six of the most dangerous ponies in that world is what drew me to this.  I hope him having to deal with and learning about them is also a focus of the story.

I'll wait for more chapters to see where you'll go.

>>13394551339455

Well the interesting thing about Spike is he's more or less the most sane and mentally healthy person in this band of misfits. I mean, that's not to say they're all batshit loopy or anything, but they all got issues, some more serious then others. So Spike sort of serves as 'the normal one' and the voice of reason.

>>13394891339489  Yep, I firgued that.  Which is why it will be so interesting to see how he deals/copes with them.  Assuming they don't drop him dead when they first meet.  

>>13395591339559

Killing off Spike? That's just... cruel. I may write some reasonably dark stuff (see here) but Spike's a kid man. I'm not just gonna kill him off like that. Plus he's Spike, you know? That'd just be messed up.

I have to say that I liked the story, it leaves questions to be answered that I think will allow a good source of ideas. The identities of the characters (aside from Fluttershy) was easy to figure out (at least for me), Spike and Gilda were obvious, Rebecca has rainbow hair and is best friends with Gilda, the Belle=Bella was one letter changed so Rachel being Rarity isn't hard to see, Theresa=Twilight had all those statistics, while all the characters might be a little damaged emotionally but only could be that crazy, and of course Jack has the accent and is just missing the word apple before her name. You have caught my attention and I hope that you don't doubt your writing skills, I look forward to the next chapter and eventually finding out how they all meet, what's up with Gilda's connection to Luna, and finding out what exactly is up with Spike.  

>>13395841339584  Good, don't kill him off, cause if you haven't notices, I'm somewhat fond of his character.

>>13396101339610

I hope that you don't doubt your writing skills

Look, I know I'm an above average writer, but if you go telling me I'm a master or this is the greatest thing ever I'm gonna scoff and disregard most of what is said. I have weaknesses in the areas of telling vs showing. I have a tendency to overestimate my readers ability to figure things out and my descriptions are lacking if not absent outright.

Those are just the ones that I'm aware of, I don't get enough feedback to spot all my weaknesses.

That said, thanks for your feedback and I'm glad you enjoyed my story. I'm glad you were able to figure out who was who. Yeah, I didn't drop very many hints (or any) with Philomena as Fluttershy. Fluttershy was actually the biggest problem when it came to planning because it was difficult to think of her as a badass merc. I tossed around for ages on how to make her fit in with the rest of the mane six. But I'm fairly satisfied with the way she turned out. That said, she's the one that's the most out of character so... ergh. I've always gad trouble writing Fluttershy, and this story is no exception.

>>13393691339369

That this was a good story.

BTW you human Gilda is my favorite humanized character.

>>13406911340691

Ah. Ok I'll admit I may have underestimated how much people would like this story. I'm still surprised that I've only gotten a single dislike.

Well, my version of Gilda has always endeared people for some reason. On a whim I included her in the first story I ever wrote (not counting my laughable attempts to write a novel when I was twelve) and she basically just took over as the main character without me ever planning on her being so. Since then I think I've gotten a pretty good handle on her. Still, I say the best version of Gilda is probably from Banishment Decree.

I have to say I really like this story. I disagree with Ponyholics, and Orphius. I think for the most part it is very easy to figure out who is which character. My only exception to this would be Elijah McKinley (Who appears to be an OC). I think my favorite part would be the bit with Theresa (Twilight) not quite the innocent, loving, egg head we all know but more of a cold calculating mindset with deep emotions ( Kind of reminds me of Breaking Twilight). I will say even though you're trying to go for a "group story"  you have a tendency to portray Gilda as the main character.

Well love the story so far, can't wait for more.

>>13417711341771

Glad to hear you enjoyed this story. Elijah McKinley is not quite an OC. He does appear in the show briefly, though he never says anything or is named as far as I can recall. He's not really a major character anyway though. Just gives a little background to Philomena and Redacted.

Did you have to go and compare Theresa to Breaking Twilight? Now you've gone and given Orphius the chance to rub something in may face. Anyway, glad you liked her. That scene was quite fun to write.

Well, at least Gilda is not bad person to have as a main character, and I do enjoy writing her. Maybe if people like her enough I'll include her more in the main story, but the larger focus in this story will definitely be the mane six and Spike. Mind you, I've got pretty much every character form the show appearing at one point or another.

>>13417711341771

Admittedly the first time I read it was just Twilight's section by itself with no context or whatnot (or at least no real context). Once I knew it was a humanised fic and that the Mane Six were the 'main' characters, it was easily to put everything together.

>>13420451342045

Rub, rub, rub =grins=

>>13395841339584  

I'd totally kill him...

What? Just saying...

Edit: You just luuuuuurve your Gilda don't you?

>>13420921342092

You'd kill anyone. I mean, that civil war fic your planning? Good grief man. I'm actually worried.

Rub, rub, rub =grins=

>>13417711341771 You see what you've done?

I do not "luuuuuurve" Gilda. I'll admit she's fun to right, and I've been surprised by the amount of depth I've squeezed from her, and she is pretty cool, and she's the character I'm most proud of, and people to seem to really like her, and-

Shut up alright! I don't love Gilda. Please refrain from saying so in future.

>>13421791342179

=grins= Oh yes, that fic. Heh, that ones gonna be a doozy.

=grins wider= If you say sooooooooo

>>13421871342187

Yes. I do say so.

>>13421951342195

=whistles innocently=

Pardon my french but.....FUCK...... I like it

OrphiusOlyandra might be right.  You do have Gilda in all your other fics.  Just admit your love, lol!

Just be careful. Gilda seems like she would steal focus/attention from your story and the characters.  You write her pretty well after all, right?    

Really good story, I'd love to see more of this :)

I don't see how other people can miss the characters resemblance of their pony selves, I think someone said you had to prod them a bit on it before they could figure out Twilight's part? I assume they were looking for EXACT personality similarities or something, but whatever, I'm a kid, what do I know?

Anyways I really like this. Like and fav for you!

>>13434701343470

Glad to hear that.

>>13446241344624

She's not in Penumbra and I assure you I do not love her.

Yeah that's what I'm worried about with Gilda, she could easily hijack this story. I'm already worried about how much of next chapter focuses on her. Though it is all necessary to set this situation up and get the plot moving.

>>13454021345402

That would be Orphius, and he was one of the first to see any writing I put into this, so what he got was a section with no context thrown at him and two character that vaguely resemble one from Ponyville. I can understand him not quite getting it at first.

But I'm glad you were able to pick up on who each pony was.

Thanks for the like and fave.

>>13457851345785

>>13446241344624

See? I'm not the only one! Someone else agrees with me. And personally, I feel as though you write Gilda well enough that a fic centered just on her would be pure awesomeness.

>>13479011347901

Wasn't that what I was doing with Regal and Majestic?

>>13479341347934

I meant for something where Gilda can be badass, loudmouth and amusing in an action/adventure/whatever fic. But yes, technically yes

>>13479961347996

Well, to be honest that was what I was planning on doing with that collab fic we were considering.

>>13481371348137

I was thinking that also. Still say we only need two point of view characters, but hey, that's just my preference

>>13481481348148

That's something we can discuss and plan were the public won't see it.

>>13481511348151

Agreed

I don't mean to pester but when is part two coming out.

>>13506421350642

Pretty soon. I'll have the chapter finished hopefully by the end of tomorrow, then I it's pre-reading which hopefully won't take long, a week at most. So, it's most likely that you'll have a new chapter of this before next Friday.

>>13506641350664 Thanks this really is a good fiction.  

Here's chapter 1 where I set up the rest of the story. I haven't checked, but I believe it's about sixteen thousand words. Fun chapter to write, but I'm worried that Gilda steal's it. Still, she was fun to write as always, so I don't regret putting her in.

My prereaders tell me Discord was particularly good, but I don't know. I still feel like he's just a bit... I don't know. I'm just not quite convinced that he carries the scene like he's supposed to. But on their advice I kept him in, and left him unchanged.

Speaking of pre readers, big thanks goes to AlicornPriest for prereading it all in one night and putting up with my terrible grammar, OrphiusOlyandra for prereading and generally being a ideas bouncing board as well as helping me greatly with some of the action, and PiquoPie for prereading and telling me "I'm not going to let you ruin this story". Sir your conviction has both amused me, and made me decide that you should be on my list of permanent prereaders. Everybody give PiquoPie a big hand.

Anyway, hope you folks enjoy.

Be sure to check out my other story Penumbra.

19,000 words sir, thankfully your writing is better than your math.  

>>13848391384839 I would check out Penumbra...... If you would UPDATE IT!! RRRRAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

>>13849421384942

Well then I'm afraid to be the one to give you bad news. I'm going to put that story (and this one) on hiatus until I finish the one shot I've had shelved for freaking ages.

>>13849531384953

Yes!

...?

It is the one I'm thinking of right?

>>13849761384976

Yes. I've had it shelved for way too long.

>>13849531384953 FINE THEN *grumbles incoherently as he stomps away in anger*

>>13849821384982

It's awesome. It's totally awesome. Like, "Dood, that is awesome" awesome!

Total. Hype.

Wooooah dark with thee Discord part, I like it! Also think you made the characters seem like  'themselves'. Good job.

>>13850101385010

Glad to hear you liked it. I was actually worried about Discord, but everyone seems okay with him so what do I know?

>>13849531384953 No idea what it is but i'm exited

I love this. This is the best! Not sure if I can like another five times but I'm gonna go try now.

>>13882571388257

Not sure if it's the best, but if you if you find a way to like it another five times let me know.

Just one silly question. Should I imagine Rebecca as she is in the cover picture.

>>14256891425689

Pretty much. The original image was really close to how I imagined Rebecca, but I edited it slightly for my cover art. I all I did was add a tiny stud in Rebeccas nose. It's pretty good cover art given that I just found it, but I still hope to oneday get a real cover pic for my story.

> >142576 Thanks. nice picture by the way.

So I finally got around to reading this and I rely liked it. I especially like that you can write characters that are unique and yet have enough of the original traits that people can still relate to them (There kind of like a hardened version of the mane six). You proceeded to wright Gilda as the main character despite having stated otherwise. (Which I think is fine because I like the way you right Gilda.) I have to say I disagree with the others when It comes to Discord, don’t get me wrong it was a well  written character but he just doesn't come off as cool as discord. In my mind Discord is a character that I love and at the same time hate, who walks a fine line between genius and insanity. But you discord comes off more as a sociopath with hummer who you could kill off at any time and it wouldn't make a big impact on the redder.

Loved this chapter can't wait for the next one. (That means hurry up with the one shot.)

>>14348131434813

You proceeded to wright Gilda as the main character despite having stated otherwise. (Which I think is fine because I like the way you right Gilda.)

Gilda is stealing this story, and I don't like it. Next chapter she will have a much smaller role. Or at least I'll try to reduce her role, there is a chat she needs to have with a few people that I'll try to keep small.

I have to say I disagree with the others when It comes to Discord, don’t get me wrong it was a well  written character but he just doesn't come off as cool as discord. In my mind Discord is a character that I love and at the same time hate, who walks a fine line between genius and insanity. But you discord comes off more as a sociopath with hummer who you could kill off at any time and it wouldn't make a big impact on the redder.

I tried to make Discord a scary impactful villain. I want it so he only appears occasionally, and when he does appear it's a big deal and you know shit's about to go down. That's why I introduced him like this. I showed Snips and Snails (Sean and Simon) just messing around and bored at work. I tried to make them sympathisable and likable in a naive and stupid way.

Then I brought in Discord and killed the two of them with what I hope was a big scary speech and a good deal of sadism.

I'm not sure it worked personally. I feel like it just didn't make him the scary ass guy wanted him to be. What you're saying is right, this scene doesn't carry the insane genius look at Discord that others do.

Still, rest assured that I have plans (thorough ones) and in those plans I think Discord is going to be a pretty effective villain.

FUCK YEAH, Thats My AJ, kicking ass and taking names. i think i came like 4 times.

and pinkie is so PERFECT!!

>>14793961479396

i think i came like 4 times.

Thanks for your... complement. I'm not sure why you decided I should now that on a not clopfic but... I guess if you enjoyed it...

As to AJ, if you like her here than I might suggest taking a look at What Would Daring Do and it's character Blondie. Or perhaps Merc the Jerk's The Laughing Shadow.

Patricia as Pinkie is always fun to write. Future scenes with her will be... interesting.

>>14852211485221 i didnt mean LITERALLY, i was just blown away like 4 times. thanks for the links thou will look into those. and pinkie as a merc, i expect these interesting things to be bloody.

>>14857321485732

Ok, I was just a bit wierded out when someone told me they jacked off to my story that had nothing even remotely sexual in it. I wasn't really sure how to react to that. But if I blew you away four times then good, I try.

Oh and Pinkie's not a merc. Read the description for the story. Notice in the list of occupation the option ''roundabout crazy person"? That one was made purely for Patricia. Nah, to be a merc, you actually have to have an interest in cash. Patricia is just in it for fun.

That was awesome! Though you might wanna get some pre-readers who will focus more on the technical side of things- saw a couple punctuation errors, and a missing word here or there. I'd tell you where but I'm too lazy to go back through that and besides that's not why I'm writing this!

Firstly: personally, the only one I couldn't really place was Fluttershy/Philomena partly because, as you said, Flutters is the most OOC and Philomena is the name of Celestia's Phoenix, so I got kind of confused. Other then that, though, I could pretty much spot the similarities. This fic seems a bit more straight forward then Penumbra, except for the bits where Spike is partially remembering his life as a dragon- you just like to mess with my head, don't you?

Also, is it bad that my favorite character is Patricia? I mean, she only appeared for a small section and even then it was mainly her killing a bunch of people... I just have a soft spot for insane characters and Pinkie Pie, and you've managed to combine the two.

And now I know what people mean about your Gilda. So far, I like her. She's kind of badass but still relatable to those of us who aren't quite as cool. Plus, I really like that Rebecca/RD ended up saving her. Nice to see her loyalty stil shines through! And that she achieved her dream of being a Wonderbolt!

Right, well, this comment is much too long now. Onto the nineteen thousand word chapter that'll probably take me a while to get through.

>>17634891763489

Glad you enjoyed it. Actually, AlicornPriest is my pre reader in regards to most technical and grammar things, and he catches out so many mistakes it's frankly embarrassing for me. I think he can be excused for missing the occasional mistake given how much work he puts in.

Fluttershy is the worst pony. Ever. Of all time. Seriously, she always gives me so much trouble to write. In the latest chapter of this (that's still unreleased) getting her to do anything interesting is a massive damn struggle. She's so... boring damn it! The problem with her, is in the show it's other ponies that force her out of her shell, but in this, none of them are friends, so none of them remotely care about her, and she will quite happily stay in her shell despite my repeated yellings.

Yeah, this fic is more of a winded adventure story (hence the name) but with overarching mysteries. Kind of like a post apocalyptic Firefly with a more clear destination.

Patricia is fun. I'm not sure how else to say it. But some of the oneliners I have for her in the newest (unreleased) chapter have been pretty great. Things like, "Well, you know what they say about sticks and stones and how I can break your bones." and things like that. She's been a real treat to work with.

Gilda only gets cooler later. She's not the deepest character, but there's enough there and she's a lot of fun to write and work with.

Your comment is too long? LIES! more feedback is always appreciated.

You put Discord in. And he's a psychopathic, insane, mixed race beast that just killed Snips and Snails.

I love this story.

>>17664411766441

Your comment is win.

But honestly I'm not very happy with the way Discord turned out. He's so... I dunno. I guess I was going for scary when I wrote him, and I'm not sure I achieved that. He just feels... almost funny to my with the way he's mocking Snips and Snails. Whatever the case, glad you enjoyed it.

>>17667581766758

That's what I'm here for.

As for Discord, I did enjoy him, personally. I've got a soft spot for villains like that... But I mentioned that before, when talking about Patricia. Anyway, I think the reason he isn't as frightening as he could be is kind of a mixture of different things. Firstly, there's the fact that this scene was so short. I mean, shortness can be good when it comes to impact but it didn't leave a lot of time to show how terrifying good ol' Disco can be. Plus, there was no build up. A good part of a villain who only comes out when shit goes down is that everyone is terrified of him and that's clear in how they talk about him. Here, Discord just appeared and did his business. And we still don't know much about him at this point. His motivations and thought processes and role hasn't been cemented yet. I'm sure that as you continue to write him/other characters talking about him/whatever, he'll become the bad guy you had in your head.

That's just my opinion about your opinion. I loved him and he seemed properly scary, especially that little bit at the end right before he killed Simon.

>>17668591766859

I actually tried to give him a little build up. Earlier in the chapter when talking to Celestia, Gilda mentions Patchman:

I would have snagged more, but Patchman showed up with two attack choppers

But I doubt that was really enough to catch peoples interest.

Everyone seems to like Discord, so I'm not too cut up about him not being as 'Oh shit! This situation just got bad!' I wanted him to be. Still, I guess the scene itself was pretty well written.

>>17670231767023

Ah, I see. But it was still just a slight mention instead of Gilda saying something like "Patchman showed up with two attack choppers and I got the fuck out of there before he decided to rip me to shreds." Something that would show how he's scary, even to the badass Gilda we've seen so far.

Yeah, everyone seems quite happy with what you've got and as long as you're satisfied, it's all good!

Alright, new chapter. Fairly simple one this week. Mostly character building and letting you people getting to know these people after last chapter more action focused pacing. Fairly simple stuff, with a few hints dropped by Gilda about... important things.

Yes I'm doing Appledash. Why? Well, other than them being totally OTP it's because of... important things.

This chapter was structured so that it was just jumping back and forth between Gilda and Rebecca mostly, but next chapter will be focusing on another couple of characters. Also next chapter is when the real episodic approach I've been planning really starts to fit in.

Big thanks to OrphiusOlyandra, AlicornPriest, and PiquoPie for prereading. Special mention to Orphius for helping me re write the section where Gilda chats to Cadance. Too much information was given, but now thanks to him, you will all be left in the dark for a little longer.

I-it updated?! It updated!

Score! My night is complete. By the the way I felt you should know this story inspired my first fic. Just giving credit.

"uugghhh another boring day on fimfiction"

<sees update number>

"huh what could that be"

<clicks and stares at story update>

"........huh......"

<gets up and goes outside>

"what are you doing?" mom asked.

"enjoying life ma, today is a new day"

Image: https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQHQSeWUJtG4HZTGyEO2Rhoiq8SvsuBw6zJmujGRUvvvXtxtKtI

>>18073751807375

>>18073751807375

It's only been a month. Compared to the four months with no Penumbra updates that's not so bad. The thing is I've been writing another story in collaboration with another author, so that's part of the reason I'm taking so long to get out chapters. Also, I'm working on the aforementioned Penumbra, which anyone who reads this should totally go and read. Just saying.

What did you guys actually think of the chapter? That might be nice, you know, rather than just guilting me for being slow on the update. And hey! The chapter's fifteen thousand words, so it's not like it was a long wait for nothing.

>>18074211807421

I'll be interested to read that. It's weird to think that I've inspired someone.

>>18075901807590

I know, pal. I just love giving people flack. Considering it took me about a month for my chapters, well...

Though if you're wanting feedback, I'll say that I liked it a lot. Things are coming along nicely, man.

>>18075901807590 It will probably be a while. And in my own opinion I doubt it would be worth the wait. I don't have much writing experiance you see, but you've got to aspire.

>>18076051807605

It's fine. I guess they call you merc the jerk for a reason. Just update your fic more. I like it a lot.

Glad to hear that. Be sure to let me know if I mess up.

>>18076151807615

That just means you need experience and feedback. My first story was absolute crap. Seriously, send me a PM when you publish it and I'll be happy to review.

>>18076341807634 Alrighty, than hopefully I'll remember.

AppleDash... god damnit!  

>>18078081807808

Not a fan? I hope it doesn't ruin the story for you. But I promise it's going somewhere. Like, somewhere really genuinely interesting.

>>18078381807838 Yeah, I think it wont ruin it, it's just i'm not exactly a fan of that particular shipping... and an abundance of it is featured and such. No offence but it gets a bit frustrating after awhile. Good chapter either way.

Ha. Rainbow's lusting after Applejack. I see many more hilarious 'Lets Piss Off The Farmer' moments ahead. Though Patricia is still my favorite. Insane Pinkie Pie, why do I love you so?

Annyway, it's been too long! I'd nearly forgotten how much I love this story! Though Pinkie, Rebecca, and Jack seem to be the only ones with a lot of development so far, I'm sure that'll change. And I like how well Gilda knows Rebecca, and how it tied in with her loyalty. And, of course, Gilda is a complete fucking badass and it is so awesome.

And now I'm off to read Temple of Stars because I've put it off long enough and I'm sure it's gonna be awesome!

>>18073051807305

I knew it! I knew there was a reason why AppleDash was in this fic. Now, to speculate more. I'd do so here except  have access to more information than anyone else (I believe).

Also, my favourite scene from this chapter was RD walking in on AJ in the shower. That entire scene was down right hilarious

>>18107771810777

You may have figured it out, but I'm unsure until I hear your theory. However, given you're my pre reader and have access to one very important piece of information that's only been hinted at so far. So please, do not post your theory here, that would be unfair to my other readers. Send me a PM or tell me in chat.

>>18092851809285

Yeah, that was the sort of humor I was going for, but as I've said to others in the past, they all got issues. Maybe Rebecca repeatedly pursuing Jack in this way is not such a good idea. Patricia did say this about Jack: "That girl's caarraazy!"

And yeah, Patricia is a lot of fun. She's also a complete psychotic. Wait till later chapters till we meet some parts of Patricia's past, and she might not seem quite as fun anymore.

You only read this a week ago! Come on! You can't expect me to pump out a ten thousand+ word chapter every week! Especially not if you want them to be any good.

Yeah, those three are the ones of the mane six that I've found the easiest to write, and this chapter does give them a stronger focus than the others. Don't worry though, next chapter's gonna be more about the other three and Rebecca and Jack are gonna play a more minor role.

Yes, Gilda is quite bad ass. She's certainly a contender for the title of 'most dangerous thing in Badworld', though that scene with the needle in the was possibly me being a little more gory than I needed to be. Still, it got the point across: Don't mess with Gilda.

Be sure to comment and let me know how you feel about it.

>>18109131810913 I know, I know, geez, give me some credit

>>18109621810962 He/She has, check out Chapter 1 + 2.

>>18109621810962

Mhmm. Of course, Patricia makes the remark that can, well, apply to any one of these girls. I guess teasing could get a bit dangerous for Rebecca, but for now it's a nice way to lighten the tension of 'holy fuck there are six assassins in a room together'. Plus, it's funny to see Jack gettin' all grumpy. I'm actually looking forward to learning more about her past. All I know now is that she considers fighting/killing as a game because of... something. Something that most definitely did not have a good effect on her psyche. She's kinda mysterious right now and I wanna know what the hell went down to make her like this. So, yes, I am looking forward to those future chapters!

B-but I like your ten thousand word chapters! Though this time around its actually fifteen thousand. Have you noticed that each chapter thus far has been slightly longer then the one before it? I'm not complaining, because its awesome, just something I found interesting. I can suffer through the long days without a new chapter as long as I have Temple of Stars to read, so I think I'll be fine for now.

I've noticed. I certainly hope we'll get to learn more about the others and what, exactly, their issues are. As mysterious as Philomena are, the others are even more so. I did like the bit with Twilight/Theresa taking charge, though. It's good to see she's still as nerdy as ever, even if it is about how best to kill a whole bunch of people... Though Patricia translating her name in Latin threw more for a twist. I knew what it meant, I take Latin, but I wasn't expecting it to be pointed out- and especially not by Pinkie! Oh, Gilda. I don't think anyone will dare mess with you ever again once word of that little incident gets out... Gory or not, it was certainly very interesting. I suppose being immune to nanites has a lot to do with being all Stitched up and being part Griffon 'cause of Luna...

I did so! It's a lot more humor then this story, but I'm pretty sure that's what you two were going for!

>>18109861810986

She, actually.

>>18110571811057

I knew one day constantly going 'He/She' would pay off! I still say we need a singular non-gender specific pronoun for the interwebs.

As for the humor in Temple of the Stars, that's probably mostly due to Gilda's constant snark and Luna's obliviousness than anything else