Natalya, fastest griffon in Griffonstone, finally made it to the Equestria Games. This was her chance to show everyone that she was the best flyer in all the lands.
Or so she thought.
When Natalya sees the flying skills of a pegasus named Rainbow Dash, she begins to wonder if she had finally found someone that might actually be as good as her. Unable to get the lingering thought out of her mind, she decides that she must meet Rainbow Dash and race her.
Natalya is soon going to find out that a simple race is going to be the least of her problems.
Thanks to Airy Words for helping out with editing/proofing work.
Mostly takes place after the events of The Lost Treasure of Griffonstone
First featured on 12/6/2018
Enjoying how you are introducing Natalya's character.
BTW, found a pic of Natalya stretching before the race. Art by Magister39
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/9e/d2/44/9ed244a214add9e0fcc5ca49f9dd1674.jpg
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Yeah, I've seen that pose before. It was in the Rainbow Falls episode when everyone was arriving for the tryouts.
Look out Rainbow, Natalya's coming for you?
Let her down easy Rainbow. seriously, don't get her hopes up.
Good thing Dash has a griffon fetish.
Haha! That's right Rainbow! Show her how them Ponyville athletes do it!
Nice I love stories that combine Gilda, Dash, and Pinkie. They have a fun dynamic before and after they all became friends. I hope Pinkie has a big part in the story as I think she was very important in redeeming Gilda and it will be interesting to see how that plays out with Gilda (already it seems it has worked very well).
Interesting premise. Waiting for the future chapters
If Natalya was voiced, what would she sound like?
Yep -- more fun than a barrel of monkeys for Gilda.
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To be honest, I haven't put any real thought into it.
I love how Pinkie is sort of taking charge. I hope she continues to be a big part of all of this.
Pretty sure you need pony magic for a boom to work.
Yeah Rainbow! Kick that Griffon's ass!
Haha.
This is an amazing story.
What could go wrong -- the most dreaded 4 word phrase.
seems good so far. get tracked m8
Oh Pinkie you are great.
I also enjoyed this rendition of the dozens.
Hell yeah, Pinkie-- Show that grumpy griffon how to have some fun!
How will they kiss? She has a beak. No lips.
7638397 You mean how Rainbow does it. She might have been a bitch about it but Natalya was right about one thing; Fluttershy and Bulk Biceps were far and away the worst fliers on the field. If the Ponyville team was made up of Rainbow Dash and two of the weather team rather than Flutters and Bulk (arguably the worst fliers in Ponyville) then she would have probably made first place rather than second.
I realize that episode was about sticking with your friends/teamwork/good sportsmanship and how it pays off in the end yadda yadda, but that doesn't change the fact that Rainbow was the only professional athlete on her team. (I don't count Bulk Biceps since he is a bodybuilder who is probably on some type of steroid to get that big, not a racer).
Hopefully not "ragequitting after lack of satisfactory immediate results due to conveniently forgetting the 'doing it for a long time' bit" (love this theory of Natalya, doubly so if it happens to be right ).
And cue the countdown to Natalya realizing the Sonic Rainboom is magical in nature and can't be replicated by normal training.
Corrections offered without malice.
up.
criticize,”
hurling
OR
sending them hurtling
seems
OR
seemed
You weren't using quotes for thoughts elsewhere; italics ending will suffice.
So, uh…I guess the Friendship Express/Equestrian Railway does not do regular stops at the train station in Griffonstone, if there's this much to-do about finding Ponyville.Ponyville requires a transfer at Canterlot, by the map, and wends around Equestria before getting there, so…not as surprising. (I thought it was, like, Griffonstone-Trottingham-Manehattan-Ponyville, for some reason.)I like the idea of the grausam¹ gryphon being hung up on the polychrome pegasus.
¹yes, I know, but sacrifices may be made in the name of poetics and humor.
That is a wonderful summation of "Feeling Pinkie Keen" told through RD and Gilda.
Perhaps she feels kin to lions and eagles.
Aaaand that confirms a trait pushing Natalya beyond a combination of three existing characters.
Gilda having been possessive and mean at Flight Camp to Fluttershy makes perfect sense.
Nitpicks/suggestions:
"an anguished wail" seems like a good fit.
your stinking race, which I should remind you I that I beat you so badly at.”
(yeah, "at which" would be better grammar, but that's not how she speaks.)
Nice Scootaloo byplay.
on mine…
but…friendship is magic…
My money's on Friendship Kindergarten.
…is she gonna loot the Friendship Castle Room? She is, isn't she.
She's growing on me.
Corrections offered without malice.
delicious as it was,
part from my mind
She's responding to Natalya speaking, not Rainbow…?
“Rainbow… I’m going to…” She
pegasus
(You'd say "Canterlot is a unicorn city" not a "unicorns city")
naïve
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insert hard objects between soft objects. (It's not like normal muzzles are more flexible, either, so "tilt, open, and press open edges together" stlil works…and with Equestrian Gryphons having teeth, that suggests that their beaks are less sharp.)
But…she has wings.
"So…it's magic."
"Also? You got no hooves. You're smashin' soft bits against a tree, and you ain't got Earth Pony power backin' y'up."
"Well…I could cut the apples off. I mean, it's not like any aren't ripe; you get all of them with one buck…"
"Don't you lay ONE TALON on our treebark, y'hear?"
Actually, it's fine as is. It's like she shoved the idea into a corner of her mind and then walled it off.
Can be written either way.
Everything else, I fixed, and I greatly appreciate them. Glad to see that you've been viewing my other fics after Change In Fashion, and I hope you enjoy them all.
Man you think AJ and Dash are close you should see Dash and Pinkie when they really get going.
Perhaps it is time for Natalya to go find Pinkie and Gilda.
I feel for you girlfriend. Griffons are meant to fly and pounce on prey. Not run after them.
"A three-way!" "You gonna tell them about the time Twi outlasted you both, in the one with the whole town?"
This is a slow burn
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I can't help it lol. You can see that my two other big romance fics are quite long, and this one is looking like it's going to reach over 100k words as well.
Corrections offered without malice.
grace
not sure what's goin' on here
wove
Those things are
OR
That stuff is
invincible, maybe? Incontrovertible, less likely?
I'd
(RD likewise leaves off a had)
by adding as much danger and challenges to her training as she could
Just, y'know, playing HORSE.
I'm surprised she doesn't protest that she hasn't any hooves for a hoofrace nor protest that there isn't anyPONY in griffonstone at all.
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Thanks for the fixes! Also, 'weaved' is actually right because there are two definitions of the word. 'wove' is the past tense of working with cloth, while 'weaved' is the past tense of the moving around version. English is fun.
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yw.
You know what I love about this story? It's tagged romance, it's about someone who's a big jerk, and 11 chapters in, there's not even a hint of anything past the remedial amount of friendship Natalya is capable of sustaining. It's so refreshingly reasonable!
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Make yourself comfy. There's still plenty more things left on this ride, and I'll try not to make waiting too long between each chapter.
Twilight will make her write an essay
Wow, this Natalya griffon is awesome. I like her. Funny description Rainbow gave considering that's exactly how she use to be.
Okay, I don't care what anyone says, this is the best griffon story I have ever seen. 10/10 this is getting it's own folder just for it. You my friend have earned my respect as a fellow writer with this story you've made.
Oh, Scootaloo... Way to make someone feel awesome to smite it down so quickly. Oh, to be young and naieve of the feelings of others.
And there's the turnaround. Good job making this nice and gradual. If you'd tried to rush it it wouldn't have worked.
OMG, that yo mamma scene was the best. I love yo mamma jokes, as long as it's done in good fun. Rainbow almost crossed a line by using it as a baited insult of sorts.
Yo, mamma's so fat she eclipsed the sun!
Yo mamma's so fat she tripped on walmart and landed right on target!
Yo mamma's so fat she used the train rails as a belt!
Why no yo mamma's so stupid jokes though?
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Well, the 'dumb' ones could easily be 'stupid' ones as well. I just thought 'dumb' was a bit less mean than 'stupid', if that makes sense.
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Yeah that makes sense. I thought of it afterwards myself. Honestly though it was nice. Once I catch up I look forwad to the next update. I just read the "pear" chapter. Funny considering the most recent episode that was released. Thank you Australia.
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I know. The newest episode ruined our headcanon of Applejack's pearphobia!
Wow, that was really nice of Applejack. I like the idea of how applebucking works with you. Earth pony magic, and just pony magic in general. Good explanation. I thought it was going to be because griffon paws aren't with tick hooves and horseshoes so they couldn't hit hard enough. Your explanation was much better.
That last line AJ said about Apple Bloom and Rainbow. Priceless. I can already see the meme faces because of that.