How Many Princesses Does It Take
Watt?
The end of the world (in Equestria, at least) started not with a bang, but a small popping noise.
Just after noon, when the sun had ascended to the highest point in the sky, it vanished, and darkness covered the land.
An event such as this was inevitably noticed.
In Ponyville, the Flower Sisters all fainted. Barnyard Bargains put out their ‘Disaster Discounts! 20% Off!’ sale signs. Blighter the Lamp Lighter began to make his rounds, turning on all of the street lamps.
And once they had checked the train schedule and realized the next train was not due for some time, the Elements of Harmony galloped to Canterlot.
- - ? - -
Several hours later, six sweaty mares traveling at a somewhat slower gallop reached the Canterlot castle and the lone Royal Guard standing casually outside one of the towers.
“Thank the stars,” gasped Twilight Sparkle. “We’re still in time! What happened?”
The guard nodded. “Greetings, Princess Twilight Sparkle. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna are—”
“Imprisoned?” gasped Twilight. “Captured? Struck down? Magically incapacitated?”
“—in the attic storeroom,” continued the guard.
“More stairs?” wailed Rarity, looking up at the towering tower. “But we just got up here! Now we have to climb more?”
The guard pointed to a sign on the door.
Royal Metaphorical Storeroom
-
Alicorns Only
“Oh,” said Rarity.
- - ? - -
About a million steps later, Princess Twilight Sparkle came to the top of the staircase, having passed several doors with odd nameplates inscribed in golden letters reading Royal Titles H-L and Moonshine Ageing. She paused to catch her breath, which was probably still about five flights of stairs behind her, and looked at the open doorway to a closet. It was really all she could see, because there were two alicorn rumps sticking out of the open door, and a mixed hornlight which filtered back into the small attic room where Twilight was panting.
“Here we— Oh, it’s another box of your stars, Luna. I don’t see why we need so many spares.”
“They’re critical, Celly!” Luna sniffed and there was a rustling sound of boxes being moved around. “So many of them go out each night, I swear I spend half my time plugging in replacements.”
“And the other half plugging in new ones. If you keep it up, eventually the whole night sky will be one bright light.”
“I’m just making up for the ones you let go out while I was indisposed. Proper maintenance keeps things like this from happening. It’s your responsibility to have a regular replacement schedule. Your carelessness probably is going to get your student all upset too.”
“Um… Princesses?” Twilight craned her head from right to left, trying to see around the royal diarchs to what was inside the apparently small room, but all she could see was the ends of the princesses she had not really looked at before and was trying not to look at now. “What are you doing?”
“Oh! Twilight!” Celestia shuffled her hooves and coughed once. “Sorry. Dust. It’s nothing serious. You can go home. We’ll have this all worked out in—”
“Celly let her bulb burn out,” said Luna.
“Bulb?” Twilight redoubled her attempts to see past the one-alicorn-wide door with two alicorns in it. “What bulb?”
“It will only take a minute for me to find a replacement,” said Celestia.
“You said that two hours ago when you went tearing out of court,” said Luna. “The royals were starting to get restless. Seriously, this place is such a mess for somepony who only has to worry about one bulb.”
“Well, if there weren’t so many stars in here, I would have found it by now,” said Celestia in what sounded like a little bit of a huff. “Ah-HA! There we go. Found one.”
“Nay, Celly. That is one of ours. See the wattage rating?”
“Oh, twelve gigawatts. Darn.”
“You need a petawatt bulb or ponies complain about the day being too dim. I thought you were supposed to tidy up in here while I was gone.”
“I was busy, okay? Here, let’s get some of these out of the way.”
Several cardboard boxes floated over the two alicorns and landed in the small attic room Twilight was standing in. She looked down at them, then looked again.
“Red dwarf? Blue-white giants? They’re light bulbs. Are you trying to tell me the stars are just—”
“Not just light bulbs, Twilight,” said Luna. “Lights of the highest quality.”
Twilight took a good, long look at the faded cardboard boxes bearing stickers reading ‘Buy two, get one free’ as well as ‘After Hearth’s Warming Sale’ and ‘May contain lead’ in small print. There were even several lines of Neighponese and Prench, as well as an expiration date several centuries ago visible under the dust.
“Really?” It was the only word Twilight could think of at the moment.
“It is only wise to stock up when there is a sale,” said Luna, floating several more boxes out of the small closet, and then several more, all of which Twilight read as she stacked them to one side.
“StarBrite© Power Twinkle. Constellation quality. Genuine nebula effects.”
“There it is!” cried Celestia, swishing her tail in excitement. “Help me with this, Luna.”
There were more rummaging noises coming from inside the small closet, then Celestia backed up into the attic with an enormous light bulb the size of a pony’s head hovering in her magical field.
“You only have two more in the box,” said Luna from inside the closet. “Should we not buy some spares?”
Celestia shook her head. “They’re good for a few thousand years, Luna. We should be fine for now.”
“This… is the sun?” said Twilight, looking at the enormous light bulb. “You must be joking. Tell me you’re joking.”
“It’s not the whole sun,” said Celestia, somewhat defensively. “There’s the plug, and a very long cord, of course.”
“Don’t dally, sister,” called Luna over her shoulder as the sounds of more rummaging came from the room. “Go replace it before every pony in Equestria panics and thinks I’ve gone Nightmare Moon again.”
“Very well.” Celestia opened the nearby window with her magic and bent down to whisper into Twilight’s ear. “If you’re not too busy and as long as you’re here, could you help Luna tidy up a little? After all, someday you may need to do this.”
Celestia flew out the window and up into the darkness with Luna calling out after her, “Don’t forget to dust before you plug the new one in!” She sighed and looked back at Twilight while shaking her head. “She can be so messy at times, but I love her just the same.”
As Luna (or at least the front half of her) vanished back into the closet, Twilight just sat on her rump and blinked.
“So,” she started very slowly, “the sun is a light bulb.”
“Of course!” declared Luna. “What did you think it was, a giant planet-sized ball of gas and fusion?”
“Well…”
“Here, hold this box of red dwarfs, please.” Another box proclaiming ‘Authentic Chromatic Fading Action!’ floated out of the closet to Twilight. “I might as well sort the shelves while my sister is out. If I go back to court before she gets the new bulb plugged in, the royals will just get all shouty.”
Twilight silently passed boxes of planetary objects and stellar illumination back and forth to Luna for quite some time in the relative darkness of the attic until light burst into the room from the open window.
“Finally!” declared Luna. “And that’s the last box. Thank you, Twilight. Hm…” She floated a light bulb much the size of the previous one out of the closet and asked, “Twilight Sparkle, do you think we should change the moon’s light too? It has been a long while, and these do not last forever. Twilight? Where did you go?”
- - ? - -
Several evenings later, the Castle of Friendship was nearly silent in the middle of the night with only the sound of Twilight Sparkle’s quill against parchment and Spike turning the pages of his comic book.
Then there was a pop somewhere up around the ceiling, and the room became significantly darker.
“Oh, fudge.” Spike stood up and put away his comic book. “A bulb blew. I’ll go get a spare.”
“No, I’ve got it,” said Princess Twilight Sparkle. She got up from her studying and took a deep breath before walking to the closet. “After all, I need the practice.”
The editors appear to be done with this, so allow me to shed a little light levity upon your weekend. Just as soon as I replace this bulb...
If you enjoyed this story (you sicko!), you may also enjoy these fine short stories involving alicorn hijinks between Twilight and the rest of the crazy relatives.
The Adultery of Princess Twilight Sparkle
On The Natural Rise And Fall Of Celestial Bodies
My Niece, The Star
My Brother, The Tooth
In Celestia We Trust, All Others Pay Cash
And my favorite silly thing (with my favorite silly pony):
Changelings, Love and Lollipops
(Most of these are inspired by Skywriter's Princess Celestia Hates Tea, so you can blame him.)
Great job (as always)
I can already guess where this is going.
tuanh305.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/wolverinebub.jpg
That was hilarious. Poor Twilight, the more she finds out about what its like to rule Equestria, the more disillusioned she becomes.
I am...
Not surprised.
A bit speechless
But unsurprised.
This is gonna be a "the sun is a lightbulb" joke, isn't it?
...
reaction.club/r/ff9ca04.gif
That was... rather surreal. Fun though
I was amused
Answer: 1
you ain't write.
Remember kids, the sun is a light bulb and space is painted cardboard! Bye kids, bye!
Adds a new meaning of them being guardians of the Sun and the Night.
Volt! Ampere! Ohm!
My inner electrical engineer is pleased
Discord wasn't sure whether he should laugh or feel insulted. Or, judging by Twilight's expression, be ever so slightly concerned. "Let me see if I understand you correctly. You want me to help you make the universe make more sense."
Twilight nodded, sending yet more mane hairs askew. "Yes. Very much so."
"And you don't immediately see the flaw in this plan?"
"What flaw?" Twilight gave a high, whinnying laugh that Discord would've been delighted to hear under other circumstances. "I mean, really, a sun that's a giant ball of so much gas that it's constantly exploding due to sheer mass? A moon that's an enormous rock floating in space such that those banished to it can't merely walk back down the cord!? Compared to the real setup, those are absolutely ludicrous, don't you think?"
Discord found himself struggling with a moral dilemma, put the dilemma in a quick full nelson, and stripped off his unitard. "You know what I think?"
Twilight tilted her head in a way that showed she'd been taking lessons from her owl. "What?"
"I think I'm going to go get Fluttershy. You need tea and bunny therapy, stat." Discord decided to forego the ambulence siren before teleporting away. The last thing Twilight needed was sudden, loud noises.
(In case you weren't sure, I loved it. )
Well this was something all right. I just don't know what kinda something.... Oh who am I kidding? I loved this story. It was pretty funny.
-BFBL
And then Equestria was The Truman Show, starring everyone who isn't an alicorn,
s6.postimg.org/5pzpmopep/Pirate_Approved2.jpg
... .... I am disappointed that there was no section between Luna and Celestia arguing fluorescent versus incandescent bulbs respectively.
This reminds me way too much of Courage the Cowardly Dog.
Now, for some inexplicable reason, I find myself wanting to know where those light bulbs are manufactured.
...and would they have a hazardous waste disposal problem if Mercury spiraled into the sun and it went fluorescent?
... Have you been doing lines of scratch-n-sniff pony pictures again?
7607297 I saw the title.
Then my screen blacked out. Are they powered by blbs?
7607575 No worries... any Mercury would just collect in a little sphere and orbit nearby.
I had an inking this was where it was going.
Was not disappoint
Very amusing
Okay, I was amused.
Then again, a fic where Twilight gets severely disillusioned about Luna and Celestia's methods of ruling the kingdom or keeping it running... it's a pretty surefire way to do it. It's amusing to see Luna and Celestia deal with something casually that just boggles Twi(and/or Cadance and/or Sunset)'s mind.
Oh well, I think I need to change some lightbulbs around the place, now that I think about it...
The whole Nightmare Moon thing was really just Luna trying to be economical about their power usage, wasn't it.
7607297
Well..
ALSO:
"So, Twi, the princesses raising and lowering the sun and moon are just them playing with dimmers?"
"What? You genuinely thought I was powerful enough to swing around a mass of flaming gasses bigger than the entire world millions of miles every day? It was cute when you were a filly, Twilight, but such excessive reverence is getting a bit creepy."
7607816 Actually...
7607699 The chapter name told me it was going to be related to light bulbs. I was chuckling when I find out how right I was!!!
7607341 Straight to heck
7607344 (scribble, scribble) What typo? I don't see a typo...
7607423 It's more than a light bulb, it's a *big* light bulb...
7607532 You know, I don't see that anybody has written 'The Twilight Show' yet...
7607549 Florescent is just a phase. In a century or two, ponies won't even know what the word means. Particularly, after I take it out of the textbooks...
7607489 Tea and Bunny Therapy is the best.
7607671 No, just bubs. (No idea how I missed that)
7607726 I admit, the Nightmarity comic story where they use a lasso to catch the moon, pull it closer to Equestria, and then walk up the rope did help with the conceptualization here. That, and Bad Horse's urging.
7607770 Some families fight over the remote control, some over the dimmer....
7607864 Then you strike me as somebody who knows what The Adultery of Princess Twilight Sparkle is about right off the bat, right?
7607770 "Sister we must insist that thou doth start conserving the sun! Mayhaps we can increase the nights length to diminish power usage?"
7607824 Are you peeking at my notes? Excerpt from My Little Priestess - Worship is Magic
The Goddess Celestia, who Raises both Sun and Moon while ruling over the Theocracy of Equestria, is worshiped by all ponies within her lands until one fateful day when she sends Acolyte Twilight Sparkle to Ponyville to prepare for a ceremony....
The last line was definitely worth the read by itself...
Good show, Georg...
We need a golf clap emote...
7607549
...And I've been trying to think up an amusing pony-related pun regarding the letters L.E.D.
Levitating Evil Discord?
Lifting Eternal Darkness?
Lariat of Earthpony Doom?
Laughter's Enlightening Deliciousness?
(They just keep getting worse>
7607887 I read the link title. I have now redefined "busting a gut"
Short.
7607902
That is word for word the summary of zeus_tfc's new story Threads.
Twilight, you can deny it, but we all know that isn't true.
I wonder what the wattage of the Moon is...
This is a very good and very funny one-shot.
That was delightfully absurd.
Not much else to say.
Except I really want to know where and who they're buying the bulbs from.
Also, Twilight should warn them to not buy anything from Flim and Flam. Knowing them it wouldn't only be defective, any replacement stars or suns will likely cause a short circuit and break existence.
...Goddammit, Celestia.
I was somehow reminded of that scene at the end of one of Dragonball Abridged movie, when the sun is destroyed and Popo start it back, it made the noise of a spotligth starting up...
7608086
It's actually about five-hundred gigawatts, but we have it on a forward-phase dimmer and keep it pretty low.
7607837 Not as catchy though. Gotta consider that.
7607346 wouldn't you?
That was the funniest thing I read all day.
I give it a four out of five laughing rainbows.
I had a comment, but it would...
(Wait for it...)
...make light of the matter.
Also,
Finding pegs for the Lite Brite... that was my first thought.
7608494 that's not a very good pun heck it's not a bad one ether it's just their