Fleur De Liss alway dreamed of being a loving mother but after she found she could not have foal her world ended. That is until she found out how to get foals another way.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Well, this was a very interesting pair of chapters, I can certainly see that you have put a lot more work on them, and it shows a lot. I think you did a very good improvement in characterizing all the different characters especially the Flim and Flam brothers that I could actually recognize them better this time around. Fancy Pants and Fleur where great and the other characters too. Still I have a little, there is still room for improvement but you are on the right track. The story was well structured and most of the details where smoothly and well explained.
The Fancy Pants Chapter was a very interesting one as it talks about a tail of an unlikely family what has certainly some similarities with what he is doing with Fleur with the foal aping of al colt. I wonder if trail have some truth it and the colt was Fancy Pants or maybe one of his ancestors. I wonder what is left of that kelpie’s legacy, could some of her blood still be flowing in his veins and could it manifest itself in his newly acquired foals. It certainly adds a lot of an air of mystery to the story.
For the Fleur chapter I think it was also good but I feel that it should have been split into two parts as having four foals in one shot was a lot and I feel that you could have explored more about the how the foals life was like before they were to better understand their personality along with a little more comedy. Also I would have liked to have known what sort of combination she had decided them for the foalmula. Cheerlee was also well portraying in this chapter too. Still, I think you perfectly captured them in the chapter. I would have like to have seen what physical changes they Button in this chapter and I think it would have helped that he be given his new name by Fleur along with Snip and Snails.
For the other two foals I think they should have been keep in a separate chapter and I would have like to see the scene with Diamond Tiara bringing the other foals to the set trap. I think they were both well portrayed and I hope we will see their parents in later chapters, I figure that the colt is Flash Sentry’s little brother if you decided to follow the fan base theory, I wonder if Twilight will get wind of this. I think Vinyl and Octavia were also good, but I find it a little odd that Fleur just decided to give the colt away like that, even doe it was in her best interest to do that I think that Fleur should have shown more though on the matter to show how callous she actually is in bargaining away the colt like that even doe she is in fact crazy anyway. I wonder how the colt will look like when the transformation will he’s done on him. On that same note I don’t think Fleur should have gone into such detail about the foalmula and should have just said that he will truly become their son, both in mind and blood. The conclusion was good and I do like the foreshadowing of the next victims they will have next. I how well will start seeing what will be Fleur’s and Fancy’s plans for how they will raze there new family soon. Keep up the good work.
Also, why do you call Earth Ponies as Earthbound anyway? Also you might want to look over some words a few more times.
any progress?
8385348 Slow but I am still working. I am working on three chapters at once.
she should pay the kidnapping.
8441635
I am sorry but could you explain that a little more?
8442836
Under federal law, kidnapping can be a serious felony offense, with prison sentences of 20 or more years depending on the felon's criminal history. for button mash
8442869 Well this is a story and I hope you will keep reading to see what happens.