What kind of life is it if you out live everypony around you? What can you do? Immortality is a double edged blade, a blessing and a curse. Any sense of companionship is almost nonexistent in this harsh reality. But when you find one of your own kind you will protect each other with your lives. Being the only two of their kind how will Celestia and Luna survive the harsh life of an alicorn?
COMMENTS MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS!
props to Sparknantor and his team of editors for helping with grammar errors!
Chapters (3)
so i take it there not biologically related, oh well.
good luck with the editor problem!
Note: if i cant get this onto EQD i will scrap the story and start on something new.
EDIT: WELL seeing how so many people like this so much, i might continue if i don't make EQD, after all, fans come first!
Honestly, I really love the idea, but there are a few spots that could use a little touching up, in my opinion.
First off, I'm having a REALLY tough time buying alicorns being that rare, especially considering 2 were born in 20 years! If a reader has to stretch their suspension of disbelief that far with those statistics, it becomes a huge problem, I'm afraid.
Second, there are a few grammatical errors, but the most noteworthy would be the fact that "ponies" should be "pony's" because it's possessive. It's a common mistake, but it really should be fixed.
Also, for the tribes, there are a few errors. Were there only two emisaries? Because that's what it sounds like. There is also a point where you state that there were three tribes, end the sentence, and state the tribes in the next sentence. I'm sorry, but that's a huge no-no and should be fixed immediately.
To add, the seasons seem to be inconsistant. You stated that the land was torn by winter storms, and yet you said "warm land" when the emisaries take off! Is it autumn? Winter seems to come right after that, without any real indication, so if I have to ask that...that's not good, trust me.
Finally, you're throwing towns all over the place, and yet you don't explain where the tribes live? I'm sorry, but my map of Equestria is already jumbled enough after the chapter. I could definitely do with less confusion.
Besides that, the premise is amazing, and I'm really looking forward to what you're going to do with this story! Best of luck, and I hope I've helped you!
815515 thank you very much! i am implementing those changes as I type.
If you nneed some one too edit this go to sparknanator he is fun to work with but he gets annoyed when his blood sugar is high
*reads description*
Imortality or close to is a blessing and a curs depending on how you see it. And I can see that this maybe be good reading.
*sigh*
But I don't know if I wil remember to read this fiction. I am literaly swimming in unread ones now.
me really likey
All I ask darling is that we get to see a little of Luna before you scrap the story if you do. Please don't scrap it, I feel that you have an original idea here I would love to see how it looks fleshed out
Ciao Darling
815074 I'll be your editor. I've been looking for editing jobs, so just send me a privet message and we can get started.
EDIT:This is pretty good. Can't wait to see some Luna!
Lovin this story! Keep up the good work :3
A job well done! Story has brightened up my day....I mean night. Good dreams to come!
any1 else expecting Celestia to raze the town on accident? And then Luna more or less does the same once she's born and they just hang out, having no family?
857408 re-read chapter two celestia doesnt destroy the town thanks to philomena landing on her
858392
thats what i meant, i was expecting her to, then philomena
858503 oh ok right
Luna's totally being born in that hut right now.
*Gasp* Dr Whooves and Derpy Hooves, YAY!
Doctor Wooves, to the rescue.
1917255 sorry man story has been deadpooled, im wither gonna take it down, or give it to somone else