Razor Flake is a pony of the cold. He grew up in the old north, and is not bothered too much by the cold, but when an unscheduled blizzard arrives, he starts to feel... Wrong.
It should be noted that this story is a short description of a larger piece in the works. I want the mods to know I put much thought into this, and I was on a tight schedule.
Update: Wow. 6 people read this sad excuse for a story? I'm grateful. Now, to please you 6, I will put more effort into this during the summer. Just around the corner!
Chapters (3)
This is a Twilight's Reviews review.
This story seemed a bit rushed up to me. I think you need to lengthen your story more with details and events, people like to read long stories with a good amount of detail that would leave them satisfied with reading a good story. Also, the ending you wrote there seemed a bit incomplete. It's as if it suddenly stopped in the middle, you may want to wrap your story up more nicely and make sure everything seems finished to give it a good ending. If you have trouble with coming up with good events for a story, a plotline would help, just a suggestion. Here are some of the grammar mistakes I found in the following chapters:
Ch. 1:
You don't need the comma.
You only need 3 periods, yo don't need to capitalize the "A".
Ch. 2
That should be "laid".
Ch. 3
You don't need that comma.