Political Blizzard Prequel

by Razor Flake

3: The Repair

Razor Flake was examining his cutie mark, when Flywheel was struck by inspiration. He could help.

"I can fix this. Stand still."

Razor Flake was caught off guard. He numbly obeyed. Then Flywheel's horn glowed. Not it's typical blue, but a deep cobalt. The brass, cogs, and other various materials suddenly rose, surrounded by the same aura. Then, they flew together. As the gold and gray blur intensified, it moved to Razor. Then, it surrounded him.

It hurt a lot, but pain was comfortable to the null void that is hypothermia. He realized where the pain emanated from soon, though. Then saw the colt had gained a lattice work of gears for a cutie mark. What was the tan colt doing?

"There!"

Razor Flake reflexively commanded his wings to raise him for a better look. And he flew. He did the thing which he had just thought that he had lost the ability to do. He could fly. The cripple could fly.

Adjusting to wings was, quite frankly, nearly nonexistent. The mechanically gifted colt was truly a master of magic, though maybe not refined. The wings could look better, and he would need to change them over time, but he could fly. He wondered if he could still fly at the academy.

Comments

[Sparkletop Rainbows]

This is a Twilight's Reviews review.

This story seemed a bit rushed up to me. I think you need to lengthen your story more with details and events, people like to read long stories with a good amount of detail that would leave them satisfied with reading a good story. Also, the ending you wrote there seemed a bit incomplete. It's as if it suddenly stopped in the middle, you may want to wrap your story up more nicely and make sure everything seems finished to give it a good ending. If you have trouble with coming up with good events for a story, a plotline would help, just a suggestion. Here are some of the grammar mistakes I found in the following chapters:

Ch. 1:

"Dash!?", he called out.

You don't need the comma.

but now that the storm had come, there was something.... Artificial about the winter's wrath

You only need 3 periods, yo don't need to capitalize the "A".

Ch. 2

His friend lay on the porch

That should be "laid".

Ch. 3

Razor Flake was examining his cutie mark,when Flywheel was struck by inspiration.

You don't need that comma.