The Loose Screw
Small beginning Author's Note here: I am trying out a new style of writing with this fiction, here's to hoping it is a success!
Hi there! I'm Screw Loose! I live in this nice and soft room, where I can bounce around and have fun all day! Of course it is dark in here and it's a little scary, but that's okay with me! The people who look after me are so nice! They put me in a nice warm jacket, and they give me food everyday! Oh the food is really really tasty too! But I have to eat it like a doggie because I can't use my hooves! I don't mind it at all though, because the people here try to help me too! When I do something wrong, they hit me with these zappy sticks and it makes me go all tingly and it hurts a little, but then I don't do it anymore and they are happy, and them being happy makes me happy!
But not everypony here is nice. There are some grumpy stallions that come into my cell with the zappy sticks sometimes. They hit me with them, just like the nice people do. But they hit me harder than the nice people and they don't pull it away after a small bit like the other ponies do. They just hold it there and my body gets really tingly and I start moving around a lot! They laugh whenever I move around, and I try to smile too, but whenever I do they hit me again. I never did anything wrong though, and when I ask them what I did, they just tell me to be quiet and they hit me even harder. When they leave, my whole body hurts and I cry, the water falling into this wierd red stuff that came from me after they hit me a lot. After a bit, I always smile. They were laughing, it was just a game. I made them happy, so I should be happy too!
You know what? They kinda remind me of those colts in that school I went to about...um...a long time ago. That's funny, I used to be able to remember. Oh well! Well, those coltsies were just a bunch of meanies. Everypony didn't like them, and they called everypony names all the time. I know you aren't supposed to hate anypony, but these colts were hated by everypony else. I remember the day I tried to talk to them, the biggest one punched me in the mouth and called me 'Screwie' and threw me out of the window. I had to go to...um...the place with the big red cross on it for them to fix me up. They kept talking about something being stuck inside my head. It hurt a whole lot, just like those zappy sticks do whenever the mean stallions hit me on the head.
Oh and they also made fun of all the ponies who didn't have their Cutie Marks. What was that name that they always called us? I think it was something like "Blank Flanks", I forget. Well, they always told us that we would never get our Cutie Marks, and they said that they would always be better than us, and that the world didn't love us, and all sorts of other mean things. They were wrong though, because everypony in the class got theirs, even me! They were all so happy to get their cutie marks! Their marks were always so happy and stuff, just like all of them! I forgot what mine looks like though, and I can't check because of this nice warm jacket that covers me. I think I was happy to get mine at first, but then...I think I was sad too... I can't remember right anymore.
Oh, the nice people are telling me I need to go to sleep now. The room gets dark when they turn off the small light above my head, but that's okay, because I know nothing will happen to me here! Everypony is really nice, even the grumpy ponies! Even though they hit me sometimes, it must be because of something I did, otherwise they wouldn't do it. I mean, everypony does something for a reason, otherwise it would be just silly! Oh well I'm falling asleep now, goodnight!
Oh Celestia! I can think again! That crazy pony is gone! Thank the goddesses! Maybe this time, I'll stay...me. I hope so, because I miss my family, my home, my life. All of it was just taken away from me after this blasted mark appeared on my flank. I can still remember that first day, that very first day of my "new life", as they called the time after you get your Cutie Mark. That day, when my destiny was revealed by the cruel things that drive the world to do what it does. When my destiny shone on my flank, in the shape of a screw.
I was walking down the school hallway. I can't remember exactly which one it was, but only that it has about 2 classrooms in it. Surprisingly, neither class was in session that day, as I recall anyway. I can't remember the reason I chose to walk down that particular hallway, only that it was for a very important reason. Then all of a sudden, those same colts from the year before appeared out of nowhere. They grabbed me and threw me into one of the empty classrooms. They all surrounded me as I lay on the floor. Their evil grins still haunt me today, even as I become...her. The biggest one held a balled up peice of cloth in his hoof, and he had stuffed it into my mouth. His words are even more haunting than the smiles. He had said "Now nopony can hear you scream," and they all laughed along with him.
They did...things...to me. Unspeakable things. I can't even remember it all, just the pain mostly. The pain is always there, always waiting to be remembered. Even now I can still feel the cuts and bruises and broken bones that they left me with. That was the day I got my Cutie Mark, and that was the day that she appeared. I can't seem to remember what I did after I was found, but I can remember each time I "woke up" with a dead colt or stallion at my feet and my coat covered in dried blood. I knew who had done it, it was me, but it was a different me. That was the day I learned my fate, and lost my life.
Of course, the police didn't care that I went crazy. Nopony did. There was nopony who would defend me, the outcast and the freak. The Ponyville court ruled that I was insane, and they threw me in here, with her. The first day that the closed that padded door, I began to fight with her. It has always been a fight, the real me and the crazy me. All it needed was something to tip the odds in her favor. These moments of sanity, they grow ever further apart. I feel her now, trying to take over again. I fear that I'm becoming like her, insane and crazy. Hehe, look at me, talking about becoming crazy or insane when I am already talking to myself.
Those brutish guards are back, and they look even more malicious than ever before. The other side of me sends images of what they did to her. The first touch of the zapper sends me twitching and pleading. They smash it across my face and tell me to shut it. I continue to plead despite the blood flowing out of a gash in my face. They continue to slap me with the electrical sticks until they realize that I wouldn't stop. I can only watch horrified as one of them pulls out a wad of cloth, the exact same color as the one on that day. Images flash up, the colors faded from age. Pain. Sadness. Anger. I feel all of them. Nothing can stop it, there truly is no hope. This is problably my very last vestige of sanity, and it's going black now with pain on every side. As black as the darkness that surrounds me in solitude.
Oh those guards are leaving now. I think I made them happy again, and that makes me happy too! But for some reason, I hurt so much all over my body. There is that weird red stuff all over the walls, and it's all over me too. I feel like crying, that always makes me feel better. But this time, it isn't working. I feel empty, like I lost somthing. Oh well! I'm sure these nice ponies will help me find out what it was.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- ChaoticHarmony · 14k words · 84 6 · 2.9k views
- ChaoticHarmony · 3.9k words · 164 3 · 2.5k views
- ChaoticHarmony · 4.8k words · 76 2 · 2.6k views
- ChaoticHarmony · 6.9k words · 50 2 · 2.3k views
- DuskPhoenix · 1.4k words · 114 6 · 3.9k views
- ChaoticHarmony · 1.3k words · 97 4 · 3.5k views
- P0nies · 2.5k words · 138 7 · 2.7k views
- ChaoticHarmony · 4k words · 104 3 · 2.7k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.107 seconds
Total duration
981 users online
2,610,137 hits today, 2,139,894 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Poor Pony.
812240 Really?
Darkfic was a success then! 
Oh God...
that is all I have to say to this
813516 Well, it DOES have all 3 tags y'know....
813670 "I enjoyed it"
sometimes I worry about people.......
....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
WELL SHIT
....................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
woah... didn't see that coming.
813893 I don't think anyone did
Wow, that was pretty *ucking dark... I still liked it though, I hope you'll write more darkfics later, you are... disturbingly good at it! (Like everything else you write, how do you do that?!)
That was very enjoyable. Given that I am insanely fucked up in every sense of the term, I had this look on my face the whole time:
You:
Me:
:( That was a great dark fic, and I love your writing.
The last paragraph made me smile.
Oh... my... Luna. o_o;;
Good concept and style. I would've liked to see a little more back story, though. An explanation for why those bullies weren't prosecuted after putting her in traction twice would've been nice, for example.
Thumbs-up! This earns three Pinkie Pies.
dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/Pinkie_Pie_lolface.png
That was one of the darkest stories I have ever read, and I read edgar Allen Poe. Screwey reminds a lot of baby doll from batman in which she has a cheery, insane demeanor to a dark and loath full. All in all this was just great.
815365 Thanks
This was my first time at attempting something like this 
I can't for the life of me, figure out what she is missing in the last paragraph.
It makes me sad.
Maybe she is missing lots of things.
That makes me even sadder.
Maybe she just lost everything?
Now I am sobbing. I hate those cruel ponies.
Why!?
815893 erm... She lost the sane part of herself
And why? Because.
A good premise, good backstory you have there.
I think you could make it ten times better by expanding a bit, the story seems rushed as it is now. Maybe a bit more of a struggle, more thrill. A bit more in-the-moment stuff. I mean, I feel detached at the end, whereas I know it has the potential to be a heartbreaking moment if you expand the story a bit.
this is just so horrible. and to think it could actually happen in real life too. its just so absolutely sad.
817356 That is the message I was trying to send. This DOES happen in real life, and it should be stopped. It should have never happened.
pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/133575613194.png
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
It pains me to think that any living creature can be that intentionally cruel... Tis truly painful.
859003 This is the message I was trying to send. It does happen in our world. It really does, and it pains me to think of it too.
*Hugs and turns away to wipe at a man-tear*
Poor pony that gets hit all the time....
887011 Hmm.... if THIS made you sad... you should read my other fics. I suggest my Trixie one.
I just noticed that this has both the 'Sad' & 'Tragedy' tags, which are mutually exclusive and they ask authors not to label stories with both...though it doesn't seem like they enforce it?
Sad is just a good tear-jerker. You know little Timmy's dog gets hit by a car, or X pony comes down with an incurable disease.
Ex. The Unread Letter
Tragedy is when your (main) character's life is torn apart around them, usually because of their own failings or shortcomings - a true, classic Tragedy will always end with them worse off than when they began.
Ex. TAC: The Fall (Yes, this is a shameless plug...)
From what I have read here, I can honestly say that this is one of the few that I can't decide on which it should have? On one hand it reads like a Tragedy, but in reality, Screw Loose came into this story with nothing and leaves much the same way, though it is implied that she has lost so much more...? It seems like too deep and philosophical a story to simply label 'Sad', but at the same time, I question if 'Sad' and 'Dark' aren't the right combination?
All these feels... Screw Loose is best pony
You described her perfectly, great job!
1876731 I'm glad you liked one of my older fanfics! Maybe you could go read some of the newer ones eh?
Hi there. I hope you don't mind, but I enjoyed this fic so much I have put together a reading of it on YouTube.
2716565 <3 I'll give it a listen here soon
2716663
Just thought I'd let you know that you can now download an .mp3 version of the reading here.
Oh my god...
Great story.
2860402 You should listen to Scribber's audio reading of it! It makes it even better! Just scroll down in the comments a bit and you'll see it
There should be a tag for screw loose.
Oh.. my.. god.. I feel lIke crying...
I swear, I wanna pull Screw Loose in my arms, even though her last bits of sanity went away. In the mean time, I WILL RIP THOSE GUARD'S HEADS OFF! 
..If I could.
after hearing scribbler's reading of this, i felt really horrible for screwy. luckily, the show proves she gets better.
wait how is it proven in the show.
5180031 hear hear!
Thank you,
For bringing to my eyes a pony who truly deserves ( and is in desperate need of ) some heaping helpings of love.
5448401 There's evidence in Just For Sidekicks that Screw Loose is getting better. In the background, around the sixteen-minute mark I think it is, she can be seen hugging a nurse and looking very happy out and about in Ponyville, although Winona's barking is mistaken as hers and she gets glared at.
Poor Screw Loose.
I almost regret stumbling across beautiful artwork dedicated to this pony, because it made me binge-read dark stuff like this.
Excellently written and thoroughly enjoyable dark stuff, but still.
Fuck this shit was fucking disturbing shit!
You sir, have a really dark imagination. Also you should go to the psychologist, CUZ NIGGA YO MIND'S FUCKD UP BROO!
Poor Screw Loose. I really enjoyed reading this
Wow. Unspeakable is right. I've heard that solitary confinement is considered a punishment because it deprives the person... or pony in this case of social interaction. I'll bet that when the straightjacket is off, Screw Loose goes berserk and kills her tormentors... somehow. I really was hoping for her to go berserk on the guards and that Ponyville would do a better job with ponies inflicted with mental illness, especially insanity. Now that I think about it, why isn't Pinkie Pie in THIS situation!?
Is she so crazy that she hurts everypony around her, or is she just unable to take care of herself?
7637811
Because she isn't harmful to either herself or others.
6474019
Did it occur to you that the intention was to be dark and depressing?
5264836
Really?
812240
It is sad.
815043
Huh?