Trouble With Dating

Source

Trouble Shoes wants to ask out the mare of his dreams, but with his luck he will need all the help he can get.

Also, I would like to give credit to snowzahedghog for allowing me to use this pic for the cover art. Please be sure to check out her page.

Chapters (6)

Cutie Mark Crusaders Assemble! · 28th Aug 2016 · 1,311 words
1,311
Download .txt
Download .html
Etiquette, Coolness, and Sister · 31st Aug 2016 · 1,293 words
1,293
Download .txt
Download .html
The Apology · 31st Aug 2016 · 1,527 words
1,527
Download .txt
Download .html
Good Luck · 1st Sep 2016 · 1,011 words
1,011
Download .txt
Download .html
Here Comes Trouble · 5th Sep 2016 · 1,739 words
1,739
Download .txt
Download .html
Date or Bust · 12th Sep 2016 · 2,310 words
2,310
Download .txt
Download .html

Comments ( 17 )

Viewing 1 - 50 of 17
- Newest First
- Oldest First

Emerald Harp

Emerald Harp #1 · Aug 29th, 2016 · 1 · · Cutie Mark Crusaders Assemble! ·

Hey bud, this was not bad at all.

There is however, one beef I have. If it were me, I'd probably be using the past tense. For example,

Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo sit in the club treehouse as they wait for Apple Bloom to join them. However, this time she is late and the rest of the Crusaders grow bored.

In my opinion, it should read "Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo sat in the club treehouse as they waited for Apple Bloom to join them. However, this time she was late and the rest of the Crusaders grew bored.

I found that my stories flow much better in the past tense. Other than that, this was a pretty good start to the fic.

TheAnimerican

TheAnimerican #2 · Aug 29th, 2016 · · · Cutie Mark Crusaders Assemble! ·

7520457

Thank you!
I very much appreciate the advice and the comment.
I used the present tense to get the feel like I was watching an actual episode.
However, I will definitely put this advice into consideration and will probably edit it in the later future.

Thanks again!

Emerald Harp