My introduction to our amazing comunity was through cupcakes but i started watching the show reading fan fics and now here i am!
when scootaloo was eight years old, she had a huge accident that changed her life forever. Her freinds heard about it, but they never heard the full extent of the damage. Scootaloo has lived her life without telling anyone about what happened, until an unfortunate event revealed her secret for all to see.
I might take out the idea of an OC here, let me know in the comments if you think it is a good idea or not.
I found this picture on the web the other day and was inspired by it
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Its a bit rushed but it could work. There's no time for emotion in this and I'm pretty sure that's the main part of this story.
7495991 thanks for the advice. I'll work on the next chapter over the weekend, and try to do a better job on that
7495994 Sure, take your time. I'll give an upvote for now.
7495999 thanks. I might also go back and add more to this story before I add a new chapter. The good thing about school starting up, is that I have plenty of time to think about what I want to do next.
7496012 True.
7496018 finally, the reason it seems rushed is that I didn't want to lose the idea, so I got a chapter going to just keep the idea alive
... you need to go back and put a little more work into this chapter. Two things that stick out to me are the following.
First:
This is supposed to be a human story according to the tags, picture, and rest of the story, but the nurse used the term "pony." It's also a little bit redundant, which it does point out, but it seems unnecessary. It would be quicker to just have the nurse as for the name and maybe the name of Graceful Charity.
Second:
Hips are too high up to be amputated, and if they were shattered, there would also be some organ damage. The bone that could be shattered and amputated in the leg would be the femur, but around the point where the picture was showed -- the lower leg -- it would be the tibia and fibula.
Poor Scootaloo, Nice start though.
Great story. I was never in a devastating car crash but I too am partially paralyzed. I cannot move or feel my feet at all. I have loss of all feeling from the ankles down do to a birth defect. But I couldn't be happier with my life.
7496028 thanks for the input. I'll make the changes tomorrow.
7496075 thanks for sharing a little bit about yourself. I have a niece who would be completely paralyzed if she hadn't come to my home town for treatment due to something going on in her bones. Now she's better than ever and is taller than me as well.
7496100 awesome! My birth defect is centered in my lower spine. It's a defect called Spina Bifida or “Split Spnie” in Latin. Basically I was born with a hole in my lower back which was covered by a sac which pinched off and killed some of my nerves. So I can't feel anything from the ankles down and my spine curves really badly. I'd be about 6' tall if I had surgery to get it aligned. But until then I am to remain my current 5' 8" height. Doctors said I would never be able to walk at all but due to 6 years of physical therapy I can walk with r without the aid of crutches. However I need to walk with crutches to keep up with others. When I walk without my crutches I just look like a zombie from Call of Duty Zombies.
This is going to sound mean in the beginning but I do hope to be helpful and not just a jerk. The pacing, grammar, inconsistencies, and spelling are horrible. If this has been a mother generic HiE or something like that it would have received a downvote pretty quickly.
But it's not. The concept you have is very unique, and a very good one. It makes reading this story possible. I hope to see more chapters and some better logistics behind your writing.
7496117 hey, it's still awesome that you can walk. Something is only impossible if you believe that it's impossible.
7496119 alright, thank you for telling me this. It's better to be told why people might not like it than not knowing at all.
7496138 what do you mean?
7496140 if you hadn't believed that you would be able to walk, there's a good chance that you wouldn't have done it. People are limited not but what they can do, but what they think they can do. You wanted to walk, so you worked hard, and now, you can walk! I hope that I made more sense this time.
7496151 Oooooh......GOTCHA!
7496157 I hope that the people running the show make this the life lesson when they finally let scootaloo fly. I can't wait for that episode.if they don't let her fly, then maybe a lesson along the lines of when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.
7496161 Of course. I've always been taught that you don't ever let life get you down no matter how hard it gets. Which kinda annoys me when people start bitching about stuff like, “ugh I hate having to walk all the way to work.” And shit like that. “I can barely walk as it is but you don't hear me griping about it. Bottom line, enjoy what life throws your way, it could always be worse.
7496167 right, complaining gets you nowhere. It takes hard work and determination to get what you want. This has been a nice chat. I'm logging off for now, but I'll be on tomorrow to edit this chapter and start on the next one.
7496187 YAY!
7496167
Donald Trump.
7496459 exactly
7496459 there is almost nothing worse than that.
7496459 we do not speak of that name here.
Before you do anything else with this story. REREAD THESE FIRST FEW CHAPTERS.
The mistakes are obvious, so don't feel to bad about them since almost every author on this site has made them before.
You might want to also change the "I just don't know what went wrong" line, since a small child is being run over by a car. There is a time and a place for references, and mutilating car accidents are neither of them.
from the description (and especially the image) she sounds a lot like one of my OCs.
He lost the lower half of his left leg (from shortly below knee onward in an lawn mower accident.
or maybe incident is better word. (abusive father, little kid being forced to use super heavy class riding mower with no instruction or anything and the yelling...)
7530678 I got the idea for this based off my main oc and the picture I used for cover art. My OC is a Pegasus who lost both wings in an accident. Still trying to come up with a good fic for him though
“Hey applejack, over here!”
The orange farm pony hears
You shoud maby chance it
Do whatever you want its your story.
7531425 nice catch
Oh Faust help me
Slow down everything happens WAY to fast give your readers time to understand what happens.
Describe where something happens, what your characters feel.
This is just "this happened then that and this is her mother then something happens and then this happens. It just feel so incredibly rushed...
With the story as it is it'll give your readers nothing but a headache
tl;dr good concept ruined by bad storytelling
7585050 got it, I'll try to slow it down, not just here but also in my other stories. Thanks for the input!
7585282 more chapters soon please!!
7632558 there will be. I'lol do those next week.
7633153 SWEET!!
Ah! To spooky he's gone.
Can't wait for when her secret is reveald.
When he is in her class, or just even high school, he would has been also a kid as the accident happend. So how can he be the guy who covered the story back then?
7637169 you'll find out, possibly tomorrow, possibly next week. Depends on how much work i believe this story needs.
In all honesty, I thought that in gym, Diamond Tiara would be the one losing and noticing something wrong with her. So when she aims for her legs, it either comes off or twists in a weird way, making the student's think that something is wrong. And when Iron Will has to check it out, lo and behold, her fake legs are shown!
That's what I thought while looking at the cover picture.
7777917 your story actually inspired me to write this one along with the picture i'm using as cover art on the web. I am glad you like it, and just haven't had time to write recently. Once the holiday rolls around there will be updates
7778452 Wait, my story?
7778500 Equestria's daredevil I think? I have it under my favorites tab. I liked the story a lot and it's too bad it got put on hiatus
7778586 Well, I was honestly planning on rewriting the chapter and maybe changing some things so that the story doesn't seem too fast.
7778627 hey, if you do I'm all for it! That was a fun story, and it would be great to see it get to continue.
7778661 Lol, okay then.
7778709 PM me if you want input on the story, and especially if you update it. Thanks and see you around!
7778715 Bye!
i like the idea you have here but, this is way too repetitive. Apple Bloom says, scootaloo says Sweetie belle replied...