It has been years since the Crystal War began. King Sombra, a cruel tyrant from the distant past, returned and reclaimed the Crystal Empire. Since then, he managed to conquer a great swathe of Equestria, thanks to his army of obedient slave soldiers, opportunistic mercenaries, and traitorous collaborators. However, all is not lost, for Celestia has gathered a team of six ponies for an important mission: find the Elements of Harmony and the Crystal Heart. It is these artifacts that hold the power to defeat Sombra and end the war. But if they are to find them, they must work together.
Chapters (7)
I like it.
7487623 Excellent.
Nice story, interesting premise, and great story telling.
7489964 Thank you. What was your favorite part?
Honestly, perhaps the ending because it was tantalizing enough to want to read more without being too over done. It's nice that you showcase the fact that Equestria, at least in this world, hasn't had a war in a long time and so most ponies would see it as a game first, and survival if they actually survive. I really do want to know how you'll bring the others in and what Twilight has been up to as you never find out in any of the actual story lines what happened to Twilight.
7490275 True.
Of course, I imagine this Rainbow Dash would be toughened up after getting her wing ripped off by Sombra (which seems to be a popular head canon among some fans). I figured Wind Rider would be willing to fight for Sombra.
Honestly, that isn't too surprising, Wind Rider always was an arrogant stallion who was in it for himself and himself alone. His narcism sent a mare on a dangerous quest and nearly ruined another's career, just so he could stay number one. I truly hope he is killed painfully because he has no morals.
7490301 We'll see.
Not much I can say other than very good job on the set-up. The exchanges, emotional content, action and future chapter set-up are all well done in all the right places. I'll definitely be looking forward to seeing your version of this timeline's native Twilight, as well as how this timeline's Mane Six end up getting recruited for this particular mission. I'll definitely be looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.
7495587 Thank you. How did you like Rainbow Dash?
7495683 You're quite welcome. And, yeah, I think you did a great job on the "emotionally drained war veteran" version of Rainbow.
7495711 How about Wind Rider fighting for Sombra?
7495777 Well, I wish I could say I was more than HALF-surprised he would sink THAT low, but I have to say it DOES make sense that he would be amoral enough to turn mercenary.
7495823 Well, his prime counterpart did frame Rainbow Dash for sending Spitfire to find a cure for her mother who wasn't sick.
7495887 Which is why I admitted that it makes sense he'd be amoral enough to turn mercenary.
7495916 Indeed.
Hey there. Thanks very much for getting the next chapter up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. The exchanges, emotional content and future chapter set-up are well-done in all the right places. The information concerning past events is also very appreciated. I, of course, know that some of the recruiting will be easier than others. Still, I WILL be looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.
7503898 Thank you. Did you like how I portrayed Celestia?
7503969 Yeah. I DO like it. Despite how war-weary she is, she still refuses to give up, realizing that the sooner Sombra is defeated, the more of her ponies who come back in more or less one piece. Can't fault her for being desperate to find a way to stop this so-far near-unstoppable enemy.
7504026 Excellent. Anything else you liked?
7504101 Well, pretty much everything I mentioned liking I already mentioned in my first review of this chapter.
7504111 Right. And if you're wandering what I have planned for Sunset Shimmer, well, stay tuned.
Interesting, I have to say, I'm always disappointed when Twilight is said to have failed the entrance exam, because, based on the fact there aren't loads of dragons walking around Canterlot, I always figured that they gave that test to her because she out did everything they put in front of her and they had to come up with something for her to do. Still, good chapter, I can't wait to see where this story goes.
7504150 Thank you.
What did you think of Celestia reminiscing on the past?
I wonder if Dash still befriended Gilda. I like the idea of Gryphon mercenaries.
7504824 Gryphon mercenaries. That's a good idea, can I use that?
7504831
NO! I COPYRIGHTED IT!
...of course you can. Whose side do you intend them to be on? Griffonstone gryphons were depicted as very... mercenary, on the other hand Equestria seem to have an utter surfeit of gems and precious metals which I don't imagine there is much use for depending on the trade situation, so why not?
7504860 I could have some Griffon mercenaries work for Sombra, but I plan on having Gilda and some other Griffons allied with Equestria.
Anyway, what do you think of the story so far? What are your favorite parts?
Hey there. Thanks greatly for getting the next chapter up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. Once again, great job on the exchanges, emotional content and future chapter set-up in all the right places. I particularly like your spins on Applejack and Fluttershy. I'll definitely be looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.
7506209 Yes. Writing Applejack worried about Braeburn and the other Apples made me shed a few tears.
Y'know, I've always imagined Crystal War Twilight would either be someone who works for Sombra willingly or be totally depressed, as in, "I hate my life a lot" depressed.
Hey there. Thanks very much for getting this next chapter up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. Once again, excellent job on the exchanges, emotional content, characterizations and future chapter set-up in all the right places. I particularly like your spins on this timeline's Mane Six, especially Twilight (combines the best aspects of her human counterpart with a real streak of determination [though, if and when she DOES figure out how to hatch a dragon egg, Spike will be a TRUE baby]).
And, yeah, the bit with Sven and Suri being spies for Sombra doesn't surprise me in the slightest.
At any rate, I will definitely be looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.
7514799 Indeed. I bet you loved the part where Suri told Svengallop that he got them in a dragon's stomach the last time she let him use the teleportation crystal.
As for Spike not being able to talk... I'll think of something to rectify that.
7515787 Yeah. I did like that part at that.
And thanks for the response back. :-D
7515884 I figured Suri and Sven would be Sombra's more bumbling henchponies, like Scratch and Grounder are Robotnik's bumbling henchbots.
You're welcome. How did you like the Uncle Sam reference with the Wonderbolt poster?
7516036 Indeed. Or Boris and Natasha from Rocky and Bullwinkle if you want to go even further back. At any rate, much needed comic relief for this story. :-D
As for the Uncle Sam/Wonderbolt poster, to be honest, I missed that. I sort of skimmed the chapter. Still, I have to admit that IS a pretty good addition.
Anyway, I thought of a possible line Celestia could say to the assembled six: "Don't ask me to explain this, but I just have a feeling that the six of you just might be the key to ending this war in our favor. I won't lie; this is very likely to be an extremely dangerous mission, so I would not fault any of you in the slightest if you were afraid. Still, something very deep down tells me the six of you will have what it takes if you all work together. For the next few weeks, you will all undergo a rigid training program; not just to test your physical and mental fitness for this mission, but also to gauge just how well the six of you can work as a team before you get out on the field. This mission is too important for me to leave anything to chance if I can help it."
But, if you don't like the speech, I will completely understand.
7516142 It'll take some time for me to memorize that, but I can try.
Anyway, what's your opinion on Rainbow Dash blaming herself for all the Wonderbolts she lost?
7516227 Thanks very much.
Hey there. Thanks very much for getting the next chapter up AND for liking my speech enough to do a modified version of it. Both are really appreciated. Once again, excellent job on the exchanges, emotional content and future chapter set-up in all the right places. I liked all of the future Mane Six's reasons for stepping up. I also have to admit, I enjoyed seeing how the six of them have interacted so far. Though, I have to admit, I AM rather worried about how Sombra is going to escalate things. Still, I'm definitely looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.
7529963 Thank you.
How did you like Rainbow Dash being glorified as a hero by the propaganda posters?
7530061 I think it makes sense considering she probably IS one of their best troops, though it makes just as much sense that Rainbow would feel guilty for all the friends she feels she's failed.
7530487 Indeed. And now that she's part of a special mission, she's gonna be really determined to protect her teammates.
I really enjoy this story, it has an interesting plot and delves more into the schematics of the war, but, I do have issues with the whole dragon egg thing. I mean, Spike is not only the only dragon we've seen raised be ponies but if that were true all graduates of the school would have their own dragon apprentices/assistants/servants. I've always figured that it was meant to be a task of how well you could handle the egg (As if dragon eggs are hard to hatch, they put enchantments to prevent hatching or it was a fossil). It also makes Twilight's explosion of magic more impressive, that would mean she not only turned her parents into a complete different biological structure, levitated four ponies, grew Spike so large he burst through the roof but also did the impossible. However, besides that, really looking for the next update, you write a good tale.
7531115 Thank you.
7531115 Actualy, I'm pretty sure Spike's egg was chosen specifically for Twilight's entrance exam.
7537743
I've heard that theory too, that Twilight did so well on her exam they had to come up with something for her to do. I like it, but I feel that they should have a uniform exam.
7538077 I see.
Sunset You Traitor!!
7539042 Indeed.
Hey there. Thanks very much for getting the next chapter up. I really appreciate you going to the effort. The scene with Sombra and his troops was definitely quite informative. The exchanges, emotional content and future chapter set-up were all well done in all the right places. I also loved seeing Spitfire showing the sheer will to actually impressively resist Sombra's attempts at interrogation/brainwashing. And, yeah, in THIS timeline, it DOES make sense that Sunset and Starlight would be allied with Sombra (even if it DOES make it quite a bit rougher for the future Element Bearers to have to fight TWO unicorns of AT LEAST Twilight's potential level before they even GET TO Sombra himself). And, yeah, that WAS a pretty good Transformers reference. At any rate, I'll definitely be looking forward to more of this as soon as time and inspiration will allow.