- Member Since 22nd Sep, 2015
- offline last seen Yesterday
Purple-Smart Heart
May your love never end // and if you need a friend // there's a seat here alongside me
Purple-Smart Heart
Joined 22nd Sep, 2015 ·
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FUCK YES! LET'S DO THIS!
An entertaining chapter, although I hope they forgot the sound-proofing spell, leading to a rather awkward morning.
consensual married sex in the missionary position for the purpose of procreation.
So fucking gross man I can't read it without wanting to puke /s
7450128 Ditto.
Heh, I was wondering what had become of that editing thing I had offered to do! I'd say it came out pretty well regardless though!
if I may still provide some feedback though, the only thing I found kind of distracting was all the single sentence paragraphs, especially during the sex scene. A lot of those could really stand to be collapsed down into single, larger paragraphs.
I absolutely love the attention twilight gave tia's cum bloated belly, though~ All too often fics that advertise cumflation will just kind of mention it in passing and that's it, but you actually gave it some proper attention here! Simply delightful!
static4.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/Kritican+used+roll+picture+kritican+rolled+image+_4c3cfd54c5440f3957dbcebb375f245f.jpg
7449856
Hope you enjoyed it! I had quite a bit of fun writing it.
7450063
Good catch! This will definitely come up later (there will not be a test).
7450466
7450305
7450128
Nice to see vintage 4chan memes are still appreciated.
7450450
Thanks again for volunteering to edit for me! I kinda didn't finish until literally minutes before the extended deadline of the Fapstravaganza... and then the story didn't even get approved until the afternoon today
It would have been a pretty big dick move for me to send it to those of you that offered to edit and I was like, "Hey could you have this back in about 5 minutes? Great thanks!"
Speaking of, thanks for the feedback!
I think I know what you're talking about, and I'll work on it during the next chapter. Would you mind quoting a specific point, for reference? Particularly any portions of scenes that stood out to you as egregiously broken up.
Hot hyper, cum inflation, pregnancy, weight gain, bbw clopfic with romance and a fluffy plot?!
You are almost beating Megapone himself with this story my friend.
((If anything said above is incorrect I apologize for I am unable to read at the time. I am at work and I don't wish to be fired for porn.))Alright, read it, and as I hoped, perfect combo of sweet and sexy.
7450521 this was one spot that kind of tripped me up
I understand that you put them all separate to try and put emphasis on them, but when they're all separate, it doesn't really work anymore.
As Syndrome said "When everyone is super, no one will be."
I would have done it more like
and that's just one example; you've got the same kind of thing going on all throughout.
and I'd be more than happy to give that second chapter a more thorough going over before it gets posted!
7450593
Ya know, that's almost exactly how I'd formatted Celestia's little inner dialogue originally, but I was desperately afraid of having too much stuff in one paragraph. I noticed myself erring on the side of "break, up, everything" and just figured that would be better than things being too densely packed.
I'll go through this within the next couple days to find some of the worst offenders and fix them. Though I think I'll fix that particularly bit tonight!
You're (Syndrome's) absolutely right, and some of those moments need to remain self-contained so others can be special.
Thanks again for the feedback!
7450521 I don't really do 4chan or 8chan because I've heard that they're really bad sites that think that their beliefs are the only ones that mean anything rather than listening to anyone else's opinion and respecting them. Also, they like to form bullshit controversies for no apparent reason either.
I was saying ditto because of the Pokemon with the same name that can change into anything.
7450643
I take it that comes from your background in script writing you mentioned? I've never done script writing myself, but from what little I've seen of it, it's a lot more spaced out due to its nature.
It's definitely a different beast when writing a proper story. There is still a limit for how big paragraphs should be, of course, but you have to really try to hit that point.
general rule of thumb is you make a new paragraph whenever you change character viewpoints or, in the case of dialogue, when someone else starts speaking(and that's less a rule of thumb and more an actual rule). So for this story you have a lot of back and forth between what Tia is feeling, then what twi is feeling, then back to tia again, and those would all be their own paragraph.
7451144
Actually I have written quite a few short stories in the past, really it's just an aesthetic thing, I think. Things start to feel too squished.
I'm well aware of the "new concept or new speaker, new paragraph" rule, and hopefully managed to do proper formatting in that regard.
I apparently just need to reign in my tendency to break up sentences that belong in the same thought/paragraph.
Please sire, may I have some more? I want to see the big white pony get even more pregnant~
Very enjoyable story, right in the fetish. But I do have to agree with Blissey1, the one sentence paragraphs are really distracting, cuts the flow of lecture too much I would say.
Other than that, can't wait for the next chapter!
Cheers!
Whoops, wrong account. Anyway, the point still stands! Great start, dude! Looking forward to seeing more.
7451514
Glad you enjoyed it! Moar is on it's way Soon (tm). I'm not holding myself to a deadline, but I'm definitely going to try to keep up some momentum. This is definitely not gonna be a 3-6 months update kind of fic (not that there's anything wrong with that, people write at the pace they can write).
And it should actually at the very least be proof-read next time! (I hope)
7451641
Thanks! Chapter 2 is already under construction. I'm definitely taking what Blissey said into account, clearly it's an issue and I'm more than happy to work on it. When I have a bit of extra time, I even plan on going and fixing some of the more glaring cases in Chapter 1. Hopefully that'll make it a more enjoyable read for newcomers and anyone who goes back to read it again when Ch 2 comes out (I know I do that a lot with in-progress stuff).
7452201
Oh my goodness! Senpai noticed me! (sorry always wanted to use that joke)
In all seriousness, it's thanks to you and Fecundity that I knew "preg-fetish clop" could also be "fluffy romance," which is what I set out to do. And I know people use "magical enhancement" in clop all the time, but specifically using it to facilitate/augment pregnancy was very much inspired by you.
I hope I do the genre and the ideas justice, and you enjoy the rest of the fic!
Heck yes. Very well done mate, and can't wait for chapter two!
7452316
Glad I could inspire you! Looking forward to what you cook up!
Since it was mostly just formatting stuff I went ahead and edited Chapter 1 with some comments in mind. I already agree, I think there are a few moments/scenes where things are more readable without everything being all broken up, and it helps put emphasis on the sentences that still are left on their own. Will 100% be keeping that in mind when formatting Chapter 2.
Thanks again to 7450593 and
7451641 for pointing it out.
7452886
Thank you! I hope it goes as well as the start has. I honestly didn't expect the sheer quantity of positive attention it's gotten and I've been absolutely giddy for most of the day!
7453719
good story, I want more give me more chop lol
I really hope there will be a sequel at some point.
7465697
There aren't any plans for a direct sequel, though I do have a rough skeleton of a future-fic that follows Spike some 2000ish years after Luna's return.
There will definitely be a scene where "Uncle Spike" gets mobbed by Twilight and Celestia's legions of kids/grandkids/greatgrandkids.
BUT! This fic isn't even over yet. I should have chapter 2 ready sometime this week, and there are two more full chapters (emphasis on the "full") after that, as well as a (hopefully) diabetes inducing romantic interlude right in the middle, plus a fairly short epilogue.
Thanks for commenting! Hope you continue to enjoy!
Why is some of the fetish's blacked out?
7508418 Some people like to read blind.
Hopefully there's more
Is this dead?
7684722
7627335
Maternal's not dead, but for lack of a more appropriate segue, a member of my family is
I've had responsibilities that make it hard to feel like writing, especially something both lighthearted and sexual.
I didn't have the excuse a month ago... I'll come clean and say me not getting chapter 2 out before October is purely because of World of Warcraft. For those who don't know, The Game That Destroys Lives released a new expansion at the end of August.. which happens to more or less coincide with my sudden almost complete lack of writing.
I didn't feel like making another blog post so I'll just leave this here: when my life is finally back in balance I hope to get plenty of stuff out relatively quickly. Chapter 2 is already about halfway done, I just need to finish the darn thing. The rest of the fic is outlined already so I can start work on it pretty much anytime, I've almost had the first chapter of a SpiRax Romance done since the night after we were all introduced to Thorax which was MONTHS ago, so that'll be priority after Maternal, and finally I've had a straight up clop fic (with just a smidge of lovey dovey talk) rolling around in my head since before Maternal that I'll hopefully get down. I'm not exactly planning on following the letter of it, but maybe the spirit of NaNoWriMo will help me get some writing progress done.
Sorry it's taking so long folks, I believe my words back in August were "I don't wanna be one of those authors that only updates every handful of months." ...Well... shit.
But thanks again for all the interest!
Show, don't tell. Porn is a lot hotter that way, and with this story, you aren't quite there yet.
7685126 Oh, man. I'm sorry, I didn't know. Are things better now or...?
I really enjoyed reading this. It was definitely one of my favs. When is chapter 2 coming out?
8054502
Father's Day!
Mother's Day would have been more appropriate, but hey. Just makes today Twilight's update.
7844650
Yes, it has taken a while but things are going much better. I more thoroughly outlined everything that happened in my blog posted earlier today.
My life has finally gotten back to a point where I can work on the things that make me happy, rather than just managing to get by.
Like writing horse-smut on the internet.
I hope you show the baby when it comes!
Welcome back, dude.
Oh my gawed.....ITS ALIIVVEEE!!!!
D-dat new cover art...unf...
*nosebleeds*
8242287
What do you take me for? Someone who wouldn't have a fluffy, cheesy epilogue including the new parents, possibly their friends, and maybe a little family fawning over their adorable progeny?
8242319
Thank you! Glad to be writing again, and doing it for fun, not feeling like I'm forcing myself (which was the major purpose of getting this bit out quickly and separately).
8242548
8242642
Figured it needed a little something extra for the first update fully ten months late! I cropped Celestia by herself, for obvious reasons, but the unaltered piece by Vale-City includes some very sexy preggo Luna and Cadance as well. (#1082546 on Derpi, tagged questionable so no direct link, basically sfw tho).
I have feeling they going to have a lot of children,
WHy does Twilight still have a cock? Celestia is clearly pregnant.
8242793
s2.quickmeme.com/img/fb/fbf146d521509678306fd828b82b6f8458c28c5f92c013b11c4705762635be24.jpg
I've done futa impregnation myself, and I discovered that only a rare few actually show the child. It's a sorely missed opportunity
8242884
Whatever would give you that idea?
8243709
Because they both really like it, and there's even a story reason in the bare-bones plot (Chapter 2 Part 2 will have that particular story beat).
8244177
Now that you mention it, although I've seen plenty of fics involving pregnancy, only a couple specifically jump out in my mind where you see the progeny of futa on mare.
Rainbows In the Night Sky and Twilight Velvet's Gloryhole (Fimfic says sfw URLs only in hyperlink but... seriously they're links to clop, from my own clop)
8244218
I only remember Eternally Loved with Luna and Celestia, and it irritates me that I just forgot what the other one was. I just like them actually interacting with the child, cuddles and loving and doing just motherly stuff. It makes the child feel more than just a plot device, that their efforts were actually building up to something if we see the child and them doing family things. Plus, it's kind of hot when futas are involved.
8244397
I think I might need to add on a little to the already planned epilogue just because of this conversation. I'm thinking a few years (and pregnancies) later, showing a scene of BBBFF Spike playing with/babysitting Twilight and Celestia's brood.
8244432
Alright then. I will part with one more piece of advice. Have dedicated moments of them doing ordinary couple things that aren't related to sex. For comparison, what I did was have a scene where Celestia was cooing over Luna's baby bump while she was trying to sleep and woke her up, and another where they visit the doctor for a weekly health checkup. Just couples doing couple things. Sex is awesome, but keep it balanced with things that aren't related to sex.
Plus it's fun to spout corny futa mama(poppa?) dialogue.
8244476
Thanks for all the feedback! Yeah, as much as I like writing (and reading) clop, I enjoyed writing the sappy newlywed stuff at the very beginning even more. 2-2 Is definitely a much bigger SoL to Sex ratio. There's going to be a scene where the two are simply having lunch together, there's a scene at Celestia's OBGYN (the sonogram mentioned at the beginning of 2-1), and a (hopefully) funny scene starring everybody's favorite Draconequus, plus a few things I won't spoil. So, yeah there's definitely more straight up fluff on the way.
There's also going to be a chapter in the middle that has no clop in it at all, a Christmas interlude sort of thing (which was originally intended to be released around Christmas.... oh well, mice and men and all that.)
Funny you mention the futa mommy/daddy thing. In a high magic world where sexual fluidity is a thing (something I've talked about somewhat in-depth in the comments of Klamnei's Fecundity), I imagine it's up to the individual couples to figure out what kind of pronouns they want to use, and Twilight and Celestia will be no different. Shoot, Fu/F is pretty easy to figure, depending on personality. Imagine deciding with an M/M pregnancy? (Which is very definitely a thing in my Equestria) Not sure if I'll have their discussion "on screen," as it were, but I already know what they're going to use and it will definitely be a small part.
Mnf~ that throat bulging, that cumflation, I love it! So glad to finally see the next part of this one!
8247855
Glad you liked it! I'm hoping that the first few chapters will be enjoyable for a decently sized audience, before we get to the more niche stuff (hyper preg, feeder/weight gain, lactation etc.)
It's nice to see that this is alive its fine it took so long. Quality stuff here.