Anthro ponies with horse genitals

FUCK YES! LET'S DO THIS!

An entertaining chapter, although I hope they forgot the sound-proofing spell, leading to a rather awkward morning.

consensual married sex in the missionary position for the purpose of procreation.

So fucking gross man I can't read it without wanting to puke /s

7450128 Ditto.

Heh, I was wondering what had become of that editing thing I had offered to do! I'd say it came out pretty well regardless though!

if I may still provide some feedback though, the only thing I found kind of distracting was all the single sentence paragraphs, especially during the sex scene. A lot of those could really stand to be collapsed down into single, larger paragraphs.

I absolutely love the attention twilight gave tia's cum bloated belly, though~ All too often fics that advertise cumflation will just kind of mention it in passing and that's it, but you actually gave it some proper attention here! Simply delightful!

and worst of all, consensual married sex in the missionary position for the purpose of procreation.

static4.fjcdn.com/thumbnails/comments/Kritican+used+roll+picture+kritican+rolled+image+_4c3cfd54c5440f3957dbcebb375f245f.jpg

7449856

Hope you enjoyed it! I had quite a bit of fun writing it.

7450063

Good catch! This will definitely come up later (there will not be a test).

7450466
7450305
7450128

Nice to see vintage 4chan memes are still appreciated.

7450450

Thanks again for volunteering to edit for me! I kinda didn't finish until literally minutes before the extended deadline of the Fapstravaganza... and then the story didn't even get approved until the afternoon today

It would have been a pretty big dick move for me to send it to those of you that offered to edit and I was like, "Hey could you have this back in about 5 minutes? Great thanks!"

Speaking of, thanks for the feedback!

I think I know what you're talking about, and I'll work on it during the next chapter. Would you mind quoting a specific point, for reference? Particularly any portions of scenes that stood out to you as egregiously broken up.

Hot hyper, cum inflation, pregnancy, weight gain, bbw clopfic with romance and a fluffy plot?!

You are almost beating Megapone himself with this story my friend.

((If anything said above is incorrect I apologize for I am unable to read at the time. I am at work and I don't wish to be fired for porn.))

Alright, read it, and as I hoped, perfect combo of sweet and sexy.

7450521 this was one spot that kind of tripped me up

But it wasn’t as strong as the adoration of a crowd watching their ruler raise the Sun on the Solstice.

It wasn’t as strong as the devotion of a soldier who would lay down their life for Princess and Equestria.

It wasn’t as strong as the love of a child and their favorite parent.

It was something stronger.

Celestia knew, as she knew when she said “yes” all those months ago, that she wanted to be with Twilight Sparkle forever.

She also knew she wanted to have Twilight Sparkle’s children.

Right now.

I understand that you put them all separate to try and put emphasis on them, but when they're all separate, it doesn't really work anymore. As Syndrome said "When everyone is super, no one will be."

I would have done it more like

But it wasn’t as strong as the adoration of a crowd watching their ruler raise the Sun on the Solstice. It wasn’t as strong as the devotion of a soldier who would lay down their life for Princess and Equestria. It wasn’t as strong as the love of a child and their favorite parent.

It was something stronger.

Celestia knew, as she knew when she said “yes” all those months ago, that she wanted to be with Twilight Sparkle forever. She also knew she wanted to have Twilight Sparkle’s children.

Right now.

and that's just one example; you've got the same kind of thing going on all throughout.

and I'd be more than happy to give that second chapter a more thorough going over before it gets posted!

7450593

Ya know, that's almost exactly how I'd formatted Celestia's little inner dialogue originally, but I was desperately afraid of having too much stuff in one paragraph. I noticed myself erring on the side of "break, up, everything" and just figured that would be better than things being too densely packed.

I'll go through this within the next couple days to find some of the worst offenders and fix them. Though I think I'll fix that particularly bit tonight!

You're (Syndrome's) absolutely right, and some of those moments need to remain self-contained so others can be special.

Thanks again for the feedback!

7450521 I don't really do 4chan or 8chan because I've heard that they're really bad sites that think that their beliefs are the only ones that mean anything rather than listening to anyone else's opinion and respecting them. Also, they like to form bullshit controversies for no apparent reason either.

I was saying ditto because of the Pokemon with the same name that can change into anything.

7450643

I was desperately afraid of having too much stuff in one paragraph. I noticed myself erring on the side of "break, up, everything" and just figured that would be better than things being too densely packed.

I take it that comes from your background in script writing you mentioned? I've never done script writing myself, but from what little I've seen of it, it's a lot more spaced out due to its nature.

It's definitely a different beast when writing a proper story. There is still a limit for how big paragraphs should be, of course, but you have to really try to hit that point.

general rule of thumb is you make a new paragraph whenever you change character viewpoints or, in the case of dialogue, when someone else starts speaking(and that's less a rule of thumb and more an actual rule). So for this story you have a lot of back and forth between what Tia is feeling, then what twi is feeling, then back to tia again, and those would all be their own paragraph.

7451144

Actually I have written quite a few short stories in the past, really it's just an aesthetic thing, I think. Things start to feel too squished.

I'm well aware of the "new concept or new speaker, new paragraph" rule, and hopefully managed to do proper formatting in that regard.

I apparently just need to reign in my tendency to break up sentences that belong in the same thought/paragraph.

Please sire, may I have some more? I want to see the big white pony get even more pregnant~

Very enjoyable story, right in the fetish. But I do have to agree with Blissey1, the one sentence paragraphs are really distracting, cuts the flow of lecture too much I would say.

Other than that, can't wait for the next chapter!

Cheers!

Whoops, wrong account. Anyway, the point still stands! Great start, dude! Looking forward to seeing more.

7451514

Glad you enjoyed it! Moar is on it's way Soon (tm). I'm not holding myself to a deadline, but I'm definitely going to try to keep up some momentum. This is definitely not gonna be a 3-6 months update kind of fic (not that there's anything wrong with that, people write at the pace they can write).

And it should actually at the very least be proof-read next time! (I hope)

7451641

Thanks! Chapter 2 is already under construction. I'm definitely taking what Blissey said into account, clearly it's an issue and I'm more than happy to work on it. When I have a bit of extra time, I even plan on going and fixing some of the more glaring cases in Chapter 1. Hopefully that'll make it a more enjoyable read for newcomers and anyone who goes back to read it again when Ch 2 comes out (I know I do that a lot with in-progress stuff).

7452201

Oh my goodness! Senpai noticed me! (sorry always wanted to use that joke)

In all seriousness, it's thanks to you and Fecundity that I knew "preg-fetish clop" could also be "fluffy romance," which is what I set out to do. And I know people use "magical enhancement" in clop all the time, but specifically using it to facilitate/augment pregnancy was very much inspired by you.

I hope I do the genre and the ideas justice, and you enjoy the rest of the fic!

Heck yes. Very well done mate, and can't wait for chapter two!

7452316

Glad I could inspire you! Looking forward to what you cook up!

Since it was mostly just formatting stuff I went ahead and edited Chapter 1 with some comments in mind. I already agree, I think there are a few moments/scenes where things are more readable without everything being all broken up, and it helps put emphasis on the sentences that still are left on their own. Will 100% be keeping that in mind when formatting Chapter 2.

Thanks again to 7450593 and
7451641 for pointing it out.

7452886

Thank you! I hope it goes as well as the start has. I honestly didn't expect the sheer quantity of positive attention it's gotten and I've been absolutely giddy for most of the day!

7453719

good story, I want more give me more chop lol

I really hope there will be a sequel at some point.

7465697

There aren't any plans for a direct sequel, though I do have a rough skeleton of a future-fic that follows Spike some 2000ish years after Luna's return.

There will definitely be a scene where "Uncle Spike" gets mobbed by Twilight and Celestia's legions of kids/grandkids/greatgrandkids.

BUT! This fic isn't even over yet. I should have chapter 2 ready sometime this week, and there are two more full chapters (emphasis on the "full") after that, as well as a (hopefully) diabetes inducing romantic interlude right in the middle, plus a fairly short epilogue.

Thanks for commenting! Hope you continue to enjoy!

Why is some of the fetish's blacked out?

7508418 Some people like to read blind.

Hopefully there's more

Is this dead?

7684722
7627335

Maternal's not dead, but for lack of a more appropriate segue, a member of my family is

I've had responsibilities that make it hard to feel like writing, especially something both lighthearted and sexual.

I didn't have the excuse a month ago... I'll come clean and say me not getting chapter 2 out before October is purely because of World of Warcraft. For those who don't know, The Game That Destroys Lives released a new expansion at the end of August.. which happens to more or less coincide with my sudden almost complete lack of writing.

I didn't feel like making another blog post so I'll just leave this here: when my life is finally back in balance I hope to get plenty of stuff out relatively quickly. Chapter 2 is already about halfway done, I just need to finish the darn thing. The rest of the fic is outlined already so I can start work on it pretty much anytime, I've almost had the first chapter of a SpiRax Romance done since the night after we were all introduced to Thorax which was MONTHS ago, so that'll be priority after Maternal, and finally I've had a straight up clop fic (with just a smidge of lovey dovey talk) rolling around in my head since before Maternal that I'll hopefully get down. I'm not exactly planning on following the letter of it, but maybe the spirit of NaNoWriMo will help me get some writing progress done.

Sorry it's taking so long folks, I believe my words back in August were "I don't wanna be one of those authors that only updates every handful of months." ...Well... shit.

But thanks again for all the interest!

Show, don't tell. Porn is a lot hotter that way, and with this story, you aren't quite there yet.

7685126 Oh, man. I'm sorry, I didn't know. Are things better now or...?

I really enjoyed reading this. It was definitely one of my favs. When is chapter 2 coming out?