Twilight stands in the hallway of the Canterlot castle, waiting to go into her mentor's room and talk to her.
Chapters (4)
- Member Since 25th Jun, 2013
- offline last seen Jul 1st, 2022
The Asexual Jelly Bean
I am the most worthless FimFiction writer ever! My fanfics are horrible, and I do nothing productive for society! Welp, read my stories if you feel like it, though.
The Asexual Jelly Bean
Joined 25th Jun, 2013 ·
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Well.. it's... fine-ish... I guess.
For a romance-fic it doesn't put enough emphasis on feelings and actual romance, both of which seem rushed and underplayed. And it's not a clopfic, as the sex scene was skipped entirely...
Not enough cuteness and d'aaaws for a puppydog romance either...
I wonder where are you going with it? Probably will follow, just to see where it goes..
And yeah, grammar. That's a little problematic.
4390095 Well, I removed the "Sex" Tag, for I know it's no where near a clop-fic.
And the grammar was mainly because it was really rushed.
I'm going to read it through, and correct the mistakes soon. (As in, in a few minutes.)
But, thanks for the critiques anyhow :)
i loved a lot that i really want this story to be complete but if it isn't that i did enjoyed it
Sorry to say this, but this story is so rushed, even EA don't want to release it.
4390253 Mate, rather than simply insulting it, please give me some constructive critique that I can actually use.
4390261 Well, first off, you managed to cram the entire premise into less than 3k words. If that isn't rushed, I don't know what is. Celestia agreeing to Twilight's pleas so readily doesn't sit well with me. Knowing what a bunch of fetlock biters the Canterlot nobility are, Twilight'd be simply drawing a big bull's-eye on herself, and I doubt it's something Celestia would want.
4390309 Yeah, I figured it had something to do with this, actually. This is my first ship-fic, and I need to get used to the build-up, etc.
I'll try my best to improve in future ship-fics.
Thanks for the critique, anyhow
4390423 No problem, man.
Ah, so that's where you were going with it. Celestia worried about her self-image and doesn't know how to use the "I-am-your-sungoddess-and-I-say-lesbians-are-cool" card.
It really shows that you've put much more work into this chapter! The break up scene was fine and I even liked the scene with Discord. Keep it up
.
4393471 Thank you ^^
It's... okay.... it's just....
TOO RUSHED!
But other than that... great attempt. I bet that's how my first ship fic was! I'm just glad I didn't actually publish it...
4563760 Well, this was my first ship-fic, but I published it, in order to get some constructive critique ^^ it's a better way to learn to write.
To keep your stories sheltered will never teach you what mistakes you made, and if it does, it will take a lot more time :)
4390112
Did you previously go by the name "Reactor33"? I remember reading an unfinished Twilestia by Reactor33 called "I Love You", but it's been a while and I wasn't sure this was the same story.
EDIT: Never mind, just read the blog post. Thanks anyway!
4564313 so is this story dead...or what? I only ask cause its got an incomplete tag
6255127 Yes, it's still on Hiatus. I honestly haven't been able to finish it... I've been thinking from when I put it on hiatus a, whether or not I should continue, and I've tried really hard to find an ending to it, but I do believe I'll put it on "Complete" soon.
So, yeah. That's a thing.
It was very good story and I love the story :-)
Alternate strategy for twilight.
Speeches about how great love is whatever form it takes.
Crystal castle available free as a venue for all unconventional marriages.
Twilight will officiate the ceremony if you want.
Commission some books with flattering portrayals of such love.
A few years later, most of Equestria is fine with same sex relationships, and pony with griffon relationships. And 3 way relationships.