Fireflower
Joined 5th Jul, 2014 ·
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I want to enjoy this story, but the natural flow gets broken from the over intelligent descriptions. Clop stories don't need esoteric wording.
Forcing yourself to use over the top intellectual words doesn't make your story more enjoyable, it makes it more difficult to read.
7449243
I understand that but what's the point of using slang outside of character speech if it's not poetic...?
I'd thought that one would who press on wondering what would happen next in the course of reading the story, but it's as the old saying goes: diff'rent strokes for diff'rent folks...
7449740
I see then...
If twilight sparkle ever wrote a fan-fic. It would probably turn out something like this. :)
It's an interesting idea for a story, to be sure. But flows and maintains a depth of feeling about as well as reading random Wikipedia pages. Good luck with future endeavors though!
7457039
Why...?
7457015
To be honest, I don't think that she would write something like this; nevertheless, I will keep that in mind.
7457563 emotibot.net/pix/7554.png
7458781
8394873
8394879
What does that have anything to do with the story...?
8394886
Excuse me...?
8394892
How droll...