On the last day of school before summer vacation, Cheerilee informs her students that she's going to pursue her doctorate in Fillydelphia, and won't be returning as their teacher in the fall. Her friends and students alike spend her last night in Ponyville bidding farewell and showing their appreciation for her, each in their own unique way.
But one student, in particular, has a hard time coping.
Originally written for the Writeoff Association's July 2016 prompt* and published under the title Bonitatem Doce Me, this story has been revised, rewritten, and expanded from its previous version. Featured on EqD on 8/9/16. Also featured in the Royale Canteloupe Liberty.
*which it won!
Chapters (4)
Glad to see this get posted so quickly. An excellent slice-of-life story about the choices people make, and the consequences -- intended and unforeseen -- that result.
It's a nice story, but I hope the real Diamond Tiara grows up to be a little more independent and sassy than the mopey, needy, rather put-upon and slightly dull filly that's depicted here.
For a start, she needs to show some fire and talk back to her mother a bit more, as depicted in Crusaders Of The Lost Mark. There was none of her leadership capabilities on display either, which is a bit of a surprise, considering it's her main talent. Oh well, still well worth a read.
Okay, how'd I miss this? This is a excellent story!
7433147 Now now, lets not go overboard. It is pretty good, but 'excellent' is a very strong word. There's certainly room for improvement. Even the author said so themselves, that's why they're looking for suggestions in the comments for a SUPER SPECIAL EDITION to be unfurled in the future (can't wait BTW)
But I definitely thoroughly enjoyed it, even as it now.
7433160 Entries in the contest had to be between 2k and 8k words in length. Even keeping in mind that FIMfiction bloats word counts, I was edging pretty close to the 8k limit (my final draft was just south of 7900 words), which means that a lot of stuff needed to be cut or condensed, including, as you pointed out, Diamond Tiara's arc.
There's a definite disconnect between her portrayal here and her portrayal in Crusaders of the Lost Mark. She's depressed, and a lot less outgoing and assertive because of it, but the problem I see with that is that there isn't enough room to show her coming out of that depression and returning to her more pleasant, optimistic, assertive post-S5 characterization. I settled for giving her a giggle fit at the end of the story, and even that isn't really enough.
In short, her arc isn't an arc so much as a flat plane with a little bump toward the end.
So as far as major changes to the story are concerned, revising DT's arc is the biggest one I plan on making. Without the constraints of a size limit, I think I can pull that off effectively, and I think that would address the point you raised about her portrayal.
7433241 I understand. I'm writing a story about her at the moment, and even after writing more than 170k words I still feel like I'm only halfway through scratching the surface of what I want to accomplish with it. To have a word limit imposed for the kind of development you specify would be almost unbearable for me, so I appreciate you've done the best you could under the tough rules foisted upon you.
I meant all the glowing things I said about this in the Writeoffs, and it was a well-deserved win. This is full of heart and character, a wonderful example that you don't have to have huge stakes or immortal alicorn angst to pull at the feels.
What does Bonitatem Doce Me mean?
7434237 "Teach Me Goodness". Part of the motto of the real-world College of Mount Vernon, which is something like "Teach Me Goodness and Discipline and Knowledge".
WHY ISN'T THERE A MULTI-LIKE BUTTON?!
7435808 Because that would be an easy system for authors to abuse to get their stories ranked higher or featured.
And I know that because I am totally the kind of person who would do just that.
I really loved this! It felt like such an accurate portrayal of the kinds of feelings and emotions that come from real-life situations like these. Very down to earth, very grounded in reality. I'm not so good at being critical, but I am good at catching errors, and it seems that those pesky italics ate a few of your spaces.
7436211 Thank you for catching those; I had a whale of a time fixing the formatting for FIMfiction, and I guess a couple little errors like that slipped through the cracks.
Finally got around to reading this, because I'm a terrible writeoff participant. It's very good, and it made me feel feelings, which is a plus.
I do, however feel that as clever as it is, your non-indicative title is preventing you from getting the horsepoints you rightly deserve.
7436964 I have similar concerns.
:/
EDIT: I plan on submitting the revised version to EqD; maybe that'll get me additional horse points.
7435889 Well, this is one of the few stories that deserve it that I've read.
7433391
Well this certainly wasn't one of the fast food fad fics that crop up on here.
I really liked this story. Cherilee and DT were characterized well, and you gave the characters great motivations. Great job!
I hope that Cheerilee keeps in touch with these four for the rest of her life. I get the feeling that she will never find anypony similar to them ever again.
Just read your new take on the story and it definitely makes me feel more for Diamond Tiara all the more. I hope she will one day give her shrew of a mother the righteous chewing out she so desperately needs.
Spoiled Rich has a nice hole she should really crawl up into and never leave.
Okay, just finished your new take on the story, and I have to admit this is MUCH better. It actually makes me feel for both Cheerilee and Diamond Tiara all the more.
7446662 B-Bricklayer san, I... *blushes*
Thanks for adding it to all them bookshelves 'n groups, too.
7446671 You're welcome,
though I do have one question. What does the title of the last chapter mean in English?
7446680 "Needs More Cowbell"
("Teach Me Goodness")
7446461 Something tells me she eventually will, if that first chewing out at the end of "Crusaders of the Lost Mark" is any indication.
7446685 Ah, now I understand. I assume the language you used for it is Latin?
One word sums up the original story and the rewrite, This. This is the best story that I have read about Diamond Tiara. Sure there were others that were good, but this one was perfect.
7446689
7446979 I have to respectfully disagree; Discourse on Fillies makes Bonnie look like The Spiderses.
It was also the story that helped inspire Bonnie, incidentally. Go give it some love.
Apple Bloom, what the hell? XD Also Rumble. I'm gonna write him as a creepy weirdo forever now.
why can't I, hold all these feels? ;_;
7449488 It is my fondest wish that I leave behind, as my legacy in this fandom, a fanon trend of Rumble being written as a creepy weirdo.
I... I appear to be leaking liquid pride.
For some reason that happy face at the end of her essay made it all the more real.
7467153 Diamond Tiara is one hundred percent the type to communicate through emoji.
Even in a world where emoji don't exist as we know them. Diamond Tiara finds a way.
Is Cheerilee studying at Starfleet Academy?
This was a pleasure to read. Thank you
This story is so moving, and so beautiful, and so wonderful. Wow. And it's beautifully written; if there are any grammatical slip-ups at all, I couldn't notice them because I was so involves with what was happening.
This is such a wonderful, beautiful (yeah, it's repetitive, but what else can I say?) about Miss Cheerilee, whose presence on the show is so much a part of the fabric of Ponyville, that we bronies seem to take her for granted and don't appreciate her properly. She is such a foundation of Ponyville that I know were she to leave for any reason her little charges would be devastated. And I think you got the "new" Diamond Tiara just right as well. Even her parents come through as true to canon--a snobby, status-obsessed and emotionally oblivious Spoiled Rich and a detached Filth Rich who, despite perhaps being a nice pony, doesn't do anything and lets his wife walk over everyone. Just...wow. And you did it without turning them into foal abusers (which would never be part of the show).
You get another thumbs up for something very important and very unusual. I most assuredly appreciate the gritty, "real world" pony fictions that manage to take our beloved ponies and their world and place them into blatantly serious, "adult" situations. It's one of the signs of great characters when a writer can do that. But you managed a serious, "adult" situation without grit, without violence, without "clop"--a serious, adult fic in which the characters are exactly as they are on the show--in fact, aside from the emotional seriousness of this fic, it could be an actual episode.
You have written a masterpiece. Thank you. And have a moustache.
Yes. Starred forever.
This was a great story, the characters were fantastic and there is quite a bit of emotion in it from everypony. I love how you wrote Diamond, growing up and out of her parents shadow and into a better pony.
I'm also oddly happy that Woodhouse got one last proper vacation with his brother.
That story threw me under the feels bus, pulled me out, saved my life and repeated the process until I was in tears. You are an excellent writer and you made the characters and everything so real.
This was a lovely story. Congrats on the Writeoff acclaim and the RCL spotlight
7447032
I'm honored.
Why thank you
7534661 I stand by my praise, consarnit.
It was an honor and a privilege to provide this magnificent story with its 100th upvote. Truly, this is a masterpiece.
Also, on a completely unrelated note, I wonder who treats their help worse, the Riches or the Archers? (Nice reference, btw. Subtle.)
What an absolutely beautiful, heartwarming story! This is, and will certainly remain, one of my very favorites on the site!
Woodhouse, that wouldn't happen to be an Archer reference would it?
7554075 And I thought he is writing novels about Priches...
Half a cask -- or possibly a full cask -- would have been deserved, but probably fireable. (Unless, perhaps, the manager had ever had dealings with Spoiled.)
Enjoyed the read.
And now, on to the sequel!
7467353
Or under a Jedi master.
NARRATOR: Meanwhile, that was also it for the readers' composures.
Loved this story, by the way.
8003856 Thank you! Didn't you write that story about Coco Pommel adopting Babs Seed
and teaching her capoeira? I swear it's on my Read Later.8002385 Yeah, that reference is a twofer. I wasn't sure anyone would ever get it.