1: I was not aware this character was aware of MLP and episodes.
2: Why is the character trying to get the scepter? Control of the Dragons? He can make a Xenomorph army. Also how is he even there? He’s quite obviously not a dragon. No eyes, no wings, etc.
3: He’s knocked out in one hit, why? It’s all well and good making a character weaker than normal, but that’s ridiculous. Xenomorph are strong and covered in chitin plating. Sure, not as strong as dragon scales, but strong enough to withstand taking a bump and falling a relatively short distance.
4: This is not the place for a flashback, and it is also a very brief flashback. The flashback in this chapter belongs in the first chapter, backstory before he breaks out. The flashback also contains a continuity error. Earlier he says “I should have never bought that tail”, yet here he bought a plushie, which also doesn’t fit the Displaced theme. The item is generally part of the costume, not a random item.
5: The scepter does not affect the wielder. No wings, no power. Spike did not get wings, nor did he get a power boost. Ember also received neither, though the latter on ember would be redundant.
8731863 Well you see he doesn't know exactly how he got here, it's not that I'm switching up how he got here and not rewriting anything, he doesn't know how he got here exactly, his mind has several scenarios of how he got here and he's not sure which one is right.
*Puts on sunglasses*
YEEAAAHHHH!
7518766 this comment made me laugh
7519346
I try.
7518766 Well played
More Please?
Great story!!!
Adding the token to the summary was mot necessary, remove it please. And what do you mean nothing sexual?
I stopped understanding what was going on since the beginning of the chapter. Im assuming that it was so cringe that it mutated
7532527 ever saw xeno porn ever?
7797107 OOOO OOO OO OOOOO!! I DID!! it as wierd and hot at the same time
7839627 I love this community...
Eh, cringey but still seaworthy (as in how good fics are)
8244806
Hm good to see your honest opinion
1: I was not aware this character was aware of MLP and episodes.
2: Why is the character trying to get the scepter? Control of the Dragons? He can make a Xenomorph army. Also how is he even there? He’s quite obviously not a dragon. No eyes, no wings, etc.
3: He’s knocked out in one hit, why? It’s all well and good making a character weaker than normal, but that’s ridiculous. Xenomorph are strong and covered in chitin plating. Sure, not as strong as dragon scales, but strong enough to withstand taking a bump and falling a relatively short distance.
4: This is not the place for a flashback, and it is also a very brief flashback. The flashback in this chapter belongs in the first chapter, backstory before he breaks out. The flashback also contains a continuity error. Earlier he says “I should have never bought that tail”, yet here he bought a plushie, which also doesn’t fit the Displaced theme. The item is generally part of the costume, not a random item.
5: The scepter does not affect the wielder. No wings, no power. Spike did not get wings, nor did he get a power boost. Ember also received neither, though the latter on ember would be redundant.
8731863
Well you see he doesn't know exactly how he got here, it's not that I'm switching up how he got here and not rewriting anything, he doesn't know how he got here exactly, his mind has several scenarios of how he got here and he's not sure which one is right.