• Member Since 23rd May, 2013
  • offline last seen 13 minutes ago

Holocron


Gaze within the Holocron and see what stories it has to tell.

Comments ( 66 )

Good story, if not a few spelling mistakes.

7467892
I figured there would be, hence why I mentioned I'd be doing it at work so it's all being typed on my phone. But I will do the best I can to keep this spell error to a minimum.

Wait, is there more to this? Because I see a complete tag on this.

7468039
Ah, then I will favorite this and watch, waiting for the backstory. :trollestia:

Great story, looking forward to more

Anyone want to call out any predictions, feel free to do so. :twilightsmile:

Interesting premise. Dusk Shine going evil Overlord on everyone, with Umbra as his companion in evil and sex. Hopefully the first of many.

7468574
Well yes, I also noticed that it was added to the Dusk Shine Love Life group too,
Though this story focuses more on after Dusk had taken over. He's been King for a while now. i do plan on explaining some bit on how he took over. But most is around what a Dusk ruled Equestria looks like.

this is going ot be good story i can tell,
cant wait for more

Stupid thing to point out, but isn't the whole thing Umbra's plan, not Sombra's? Just being nitpicky...

7468946
Sombra isn't in this story, he female version. And to an extent this is her plan. But Dusk proved far too much for her to handle, so now she is an obedient Queen to him; doing everything for his sake.

7469174
Double check the story description... You jumped from Umbra to Sombra and back again.

7469199
Thanks for pointing that out :twilightsmile:
That was embarrassing :twilightsheepish:

Queen Umbra may rule the Crystal Empire, but King Dusk Shine who rules her.

I think there is a bit of missing text here.

Queen Umbra may rule the Crystal Empire, but 'IT'S' King Dusk Shine who rules her.

I may be pointing out something that didn't need to be pointed out, but I have a clear dose of Grammarnazi syndrome.

7469820
No, for this story I want people to point out my spelling errors. As I am writing everything about the story from my phone while I'm on break at work

I must say, I look forward to seeing what comes next. No mater how slow it is.

So what happened to Dusk's brother/sister?

7472384
More details will be revealed in the next chapter

I hope Dusk is smart enough to use these tips

I like.

But

Isn't that right my slurry Queen?"

and

throat, snd to gue technique

Otherwise I like the idea of corrupting Dusk heavily backfiring X3

7494327
Sorry, all of this is being done on my phone as a challenge, so spelling errors will occur sadly. But thank you for the sharp eyes :twilightsmile:

i was alerted that a new chapter was up but i dont see it.

7495558 I hope this is just a bug or alchemicgree may need to upload the chapter again

7495355 hey dude just to let u know that i was alerted that that the chapter was up and the page says it was update today but for some reason it is no where to be seen. Im scared, what sorcerey have you conjured up this time gree?

7495355 I figured. I could see the telltale signs of autocorrect.

7495717 okay glad to know that it is not starting to be just me. Something happened on gree's side that probably he doesn't even know.

7495800
7495717

During my typing, I accidentally hit the publish button but corrected myself. The chapter is not ready yet.

7496245 NANIII????????!!!?!?!?!?! YOU ARE A TEASE ALCHEMICGREE! A TEAAAASSSEEE!!!!!!! but still lol:rainbowwild:

so rainbow is the rebel leader and celestia and luna have no clue this is happening :pinkiecrazy: this is gonna be fun to see their reactions

Ok, I who is writing this? It's obvious that alchemigree isn't, he does a better job at editing beforehand.

7501885
It is me doing this, I'm doing this from a phone(as a challenge), so there will be spelling errors(courtesy of auto correct) and the screen is only like 4x3 inches, and I have pretty big fingers. :twilightsheepish:
I could easily do any corrections from my computer before publishing, but then what would be the point of the challenge?

7502373 hmm, well you have a point there. Ok, but the storyline could use some more explanation later on.

7502935
Well, if noticed, I edited the previous two chapters and will edit via computer but will write the stories on my phone. As for story explanation, it's slow but I am explaining what's happening.

7503050 it's a different perspective on the way he could be corrupted, i will be reading.:coolphoto:

7503297
Yeah, the plan is to have it be a daily life story.

ugh

killing the crystal ponies made me loose it

seriously that was totally unecessary

... So I know I said this would be an interesting story or whatever, but seriously. Complete boner killer. It's like Nevachrea from Zelda's Honor, except they sort of had a reason for mutilating people as they sexed them up. Here, it's just "We're evil... yeah, that's all we've got."

7556887
Like I said, Dusk already won. I'm just showing how life is under his rule :raritywink:
Plus he probably read the rules for being a successful overlord :rainbowlaugh:

7556900 so when do we see the princesses all we've seen so far are the elements also if this is dusk is shining also genderbent to female if so where is she at, he said celestia and luna already belong to him but wheres cadance

7556929
The princesses and armor (male) will be in the next chapter.

Great chapter, can't wait for more.

Some things I spotted (sorry I'm being really anal sounding):

"Then I see no other choice." Dusk responded, magically pushinv yhe Feral away, who then fled the room like a frightened animal. "Applejack, see Umbra about rewarding you for your services, I shall take it from here."

-'pushing' and 'the'
you might have just pressed the wrong key when typing. That usually happens from time to time.

7557118
Thanks, i spent 20 mins editing this on my phone during break at work. :twilightsmile:

7557121 Wow, I could never edit anything I write on a phone, and no problem I just like to help.
(ノ◕ヮ◕)ノ

I see Umbra doesn't mind her king having a harem. You'd think she'd be more possessive of him.

Everyone's got an axe when the caribou do these things, but if its the ponies y'all OK with it? Talk about double standards.

7565480
You're talking about Fall of Equestria right? :rainbowhuh:

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