• Member Since 1st Feb, 2016
  • offline last seen Aug 4th, 2020

DracoTitan


T
Source

I remembered being human once. I had gone to a convention? before I woke here to see my 'father' Toruk. It took years before we, my siblings and I, rebelled against him and now we are spread across the world. As the natives began hunting us down in the name of their various tribes, I remember us being forced deep into the volcanos and mountains that the dagonspawns guard. Slowly at first, we began a long sleep while waking every once in a while to hear tails of the outside.
It has been centuries or millenia since I have heard from my childern, my dragonspawns, and now I hear the voice of a youngster. Every other day I hear his fears, his hopes and his dreams. Each time he spoke, I would guide him closer to my den. When I hear him prepare to leave though, I knew if he left that I may grow mad. So I directed him and his two friends to me at last.
"Wh-Who are you? How is there a dragon in the mountain, this close to Canterlot!?"
"So there is a town above me hm...what happen to make my dragonspawns leave here, I wonder."

Chapters (15)
Comments ( 47 )

Large dark should be dragon my bad XP

7385887 It's alright, they'll figure it out if they read your stories.

This has an interesting premise but I'm sorry to say, I just can't keep reading it.

The story is ridled with constant typos (with wrong tenses and missing words being the most common) and the whole story feels very rushed. One time skip after the other gives the reader no way of judging the character interactions outside of couple of short scenes that can be weeks apart.

The relationship between Spike and Everblight feels forced and hollow as it is just stated instead of letting the reader see how it started and grow. How the mutual respect and care formed.

Sorry but I just couldn't bring myself to read more than the first 3 chapters.

7392131 Ok. I'm not going to try and change your mind. If you don't like it you're not force to read it

And thus another chapter...tell me honestly, who saw what I did here coming. I wont even be mad if you did.

OH OH OH ME I DID

Don't know why, but to me it feels like you're rushing things with your story.

7474414 A little bit. It's mostly that he doesn't actually participate in the adventures of the Mane Six...plus I really needed to get that out the way.

Really good start for your first fic! You should get a proofreader to fix all the typos.

you might want to fix the wall of text

This feels more like the story of Spike the dragon spawn rather than the war between Toruk and his kids. Sure, Spike does stuff now, but the story is happening off screen.

7484474
I would, but I don't really have any free time with school and all.

Toruk? As in the guy from Warmachine? I think I'm going to like this story...

Wait, I thought Twi was gonna have one child? What changed your mind? Or am I reading it wrong?

7582451 Nope, I never said the gender or how many foals Twilight was going to have. But hey, it could have been worse.

7583941 I could have made one of the foals been used as a catalyst for Sombra to be reborn from. Then he will use his necromancy to kill every single pony that had visit Twilight, including his own sister/brother.

7583965 Wow... That is worse. Good thing he's actually dead now.

Yummy:rainbowlaugh:

Wonder what it tasted like?:ajsmug:

Bleugh:pinkiesick:

This jumpin' everywhere... i got no clue how much time has passed and the writing feels like it's going in circles.

This has potential for a good story and i did enjoy what i have read so far. The problem is that this gets quite confusing and the grammar needs somework. A editor would be nice too.

I'll keep this in my files and try to keep track of it

When did Twilight have kids?

7634917 :facehoof: Go to contingency man. That's when they were born.

7634938 ok sorry I have a hard time following your story sometimes XP

"You ever wonder...why we here,"

Best Red vs Blue phrase ever! Thumbs up to you sir and a tank of you're choosing to do whatever you want with it.

7727233 It was just there, begin me to use it. Spoiler to those who pay attention to these posts...Sarge.

Has lots of grammar errors but otherwise is interesting

Well... That was unexpected.

I wonder why i disliked this story before? It's pretty good in my opinion.

8129463 Probably because it seems like I rush things and that I put emphasis on other characters besides the Mane Six.

"What the hey were you thinking run off like that, you could've gotten hurt!"

hey should technically be hay.

Is this going to continue?

9528646
Maybe it tasted like those strawberry hard candies

9195466
What do you mean?
The spelling is okay.

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