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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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This story (in my opinion) is certainly different than the rest of human fics I've read. Hopefully this turns out to be a great story!
Oh! And keep up the good work.![:twilightsmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsmile.png)
I like it.
7335816 I've read a few of this type before and what you will enjoy is the moment in the story when they meet.
The first chapters usually consist of the Mane Six or whoever is looking for the person and the person/people are just doin what they do.
But when they meet, it is amazing how the story picks up wonderfully from there.
Weather the meeting is good or bad (good being they meet, are friendly, and trade information on their worlds. Bad being ponies trying to capture or kill the person/people)
I tried writing a story like this, but was hit by writers block after the second chapter and haven't done anything for about 2 years.
It's hard writing the Mane Six.
You have my intrigue.
I'm intrigued. I'm keeping tabs on this.
The only thing running through my mind after reading this is BITCHES BE NOSY!!!!!
Hmm. Could use an editor if possible (there are FiMfic groups to help), but there's no major issues besides some missing or funny punctuation. Concept seems interesting enough. Implementation needs work and I sense you're either quite young or new to writing, but such can be improved over time as you build up on practice. Needs more subtle details to make it feel more alive.
I will watch and see how this pans out for a couple chapters. Hope you can keep me interested.
I'll see where this goes.
One thing though, you are over explaining the actions of the characters. Example: Pinkie greeted her happily "Hi, Twilight!" She said with her happy cheerful tone.
Only one of these are needed, and at the end of the statement is where it should be. unless you're explaining the actions without them speaking. Example: "Hi Twilight!" She said with her happy cheerful tone. Or: Pinkie greeted her happily.
Hope this helps.
I like the idea of this story, but an editor is needed.
7337116 Thank you, I'll keep this in mind. I really do appreciate your help.
Smells like new writer in here.
It's not "walking by theirselves," it's walking by themselves, or herself, or himself. Reflexive pronoun form uses the objective pronoun (me, you, him, her, it, us, them) combined with the word self or selves. Just thought you'd like to know.
7336681 But they have snouts, not noses![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
Fluttershy is misspelled. (Just trying to be helpful, those typos won't fix themselves!)![:twilightsmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsmile.png)
Twilight smoked and replied "I wanted to ask you of a favor?" She asked Rarity.
What brand of cigarettes douse she smoke.
holy crap my heart is already pounding because how good this story is![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
Grammar is a little too straightforward and characters are a little too out of character for my tastes... but seeing how this was probably an early project, I'm betting things will improve and flow more naturally later. I think it's a good start though!!!![:pinkiehappy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiehappy.png)
Aww hell yea!! Finally, a 2nd person fic where you're a bloody super hero!![:twilightsmile:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/twilightsmile.png)