War is what made Earth and Humanity, what it is today. War is not strange to us. We are use to the Gore, the Weapons of Mass Destruction, the Death. But Equestria is not, they don't know what War can really feel like, and Twilight is the first.
Oh...and sorry for the misspelled words,i forgot to fix those, and i know their are more small problems in this to that are mostly the words i typed...
You actually did a good job at the historical job, but I'll hold off on grading that till more is out. I'm interested where you go with this, good luck.
7385300 as long as historically correct has good action and decent grammer its good. honestly ive read storys with alot worse grammer. Also dank maymay (memes) make story better. (jk meme are horrible in story unless it ww2 memes where 3 nazi walked in a BAR)
Found a few mistakes when a Boiler at the factory he worked at, exploded Dont need a capital letter for boiler
on a Transport plane about to jump into hell itself. Again, no need for the capital letter
when the Airplane starts to lean to right, No need for capital letter
knocking him unconscious Forgot a full stop
for the Chrysilis to not hear due to the loud explosions that happen all around them. *Chrysalis
But for Chrsilis to presume they are dead *Chrysalis Cyrsilis says in her head. *Chrysalis But then looks at the creature who is observing the death Add a 'she' after then "Did you complete your mission, my child." Add a question mark at the end of child.
7385126 I just barely made my account and this was the first story I found and wanted to read. By Golly it was one of the best choices I've made. This story is incredible!! Keep up the terrific work!!
hey that pretty good
7385087 Hey man thanks, it really means a lot to me, really...
Even just a few like, just made my day...
I will get the second out soon, and try my best on it because i know its going to take a lot of thinking for it to read and sound good...
But anyway, thanks and have a nice day
Oh...and sorry for the misspelled words,i forgot to fix those, and i know their are more small problems in this to that are mostly the words i typed...
I will do better on the next chapter...
You actually did a good job at the historical job, but I'll hold off on grading that till more is out. I'm interested where you go with this, good luck.
7385300
as long as historically correct has good action and decent grammer its good. honestly ive read storys with alot worse grammer. Also dank maymay (memes) make story better. (jk meme are horrible in story unless it ww2 memes where 3 nazi walked in a BAR)
Found a few mistakes
when a Boiler at the factory he worked at, exploded
Dont need a capital letter for boiler
on a Transport plane about to jump into hell itself.
Again, no need for the capital letter
when the Airplane starts to lean to right,
No need for capital letter
knocking him unconscious
Forgot a full stop
for the Chrysilis to not hear due to the loud explosions that happen all around them.
*Chrysalis
But for Chrsilis to presume they are dead
*Chrysalis
Cyrsilis says in her head.
*Chrysalis
But then looks at the creature who is observing the death
Add a 'she' after then
"Did you complete your mission, my child."
Add a question mark at the end of child.
"Forty"; avoid numerals in prose (unless they're really awkward big ones).
Dick move, Chrysalis! Dick move, I say!
7385126
I just barely made my account and this was the first story I found and wanted to read. By Golly it was one of the best choices I've made. This story is incredible!! Keep up the terrific work!!