Epilogue – Four Years Later
A crowd of ponies gathered in a small park in the centre of Ponyville. At the heart of the crowd, Scootaloo pawed anxiously at the grass beneath her hooves.
Twilight sat off to one side, carefully studying her work.
She had developed a good system for casting these long, interconnected spells. It was much more efficient than Star Swirl’s method, but it still required a lot of preparation. She glanced up over the cover of her note binder at the fidgeting filly before her. Twilight sighed, then snapped the binder closed and stood. A murmur spread through the crowd, followed by almost absolute silence.
Scootaloo perked up. “Are—” her muzzle snapped shut as her voice echoed past the silent onlookers. Every eye was turned toward the young pegasus. She ducked her head, and continued in a whisper. “Are you ready?” Her wings fluttered nervously. She gulped. “Because I’m ready.”
Twilight tried to smile reassuringly. “Absolutely. Don’t worry. I’ve done this before.”
“What do I need to do?” Scootaloo asked, her confidence betrayed by her shivering feathers.
“Just stand still, and I’ll take care of everything else,” Twilight said. It didn’t actually matter whether or not Scootaloo held still, but she found that giving patients something to focus on made them much easier to work with. Twilight lit her horn without fanfare, and began to weave spells together.
She began with updated versions of the first spells in Star Swirl’s masterpiece. She was vaguely aware of Scootaloo shaking out of the corner of her eye. Twilight focused her attention on the task at hand, casting the first spell of her own invention—the first of dozens. Her wings twitched and ruffled, feeling for the lingering traces of pegasus magic deep within Scootaloo’s cells. She cast the next spell. And the next.
The clearing was still and silent but for the occasional pop and sizzle of magic and the wind whispering through trees. Twilight worked her way through a vast web of facts and ideas, numbers and sensations. This was the sixth time she'd tried something like this, and she was casting all the same spells in the same order.. It should have been routine, but each treatment felt profoundly different.
After five minutes of meticulous spellwork, they were in the home stretch. Twilight could feel every chromacord in Scootaloo’s body as if they were her own. Holding her breath, she cast the final spell, the most taxing by far.
Scootaloo gasped and toppled to the ground, her legs twitching and her eyes squeezed shut. Twilight fixed every iota of her concentration on ensuring this final transformation went smoothly. That tiny chromacord, number fourteen, began to glow all throughout Scootaloo’s body. The familiar weight settled around Twilight’s skull, greater than any other spell she’d cast since her ascension. She gritted her teeth and, with a final burst of light, it was over. The clearing was still and silent once more.
“Scootaloo?” a voice called from Twilight’s right. She looked over to Scootaloo’s parents. The small green earth pony stared at Scootaloo, then at Twilight. His hoof was tightly entwined with his wife’s. Her eyes were wide and frantic, but her wings were still and her jaw didn’t tremble.
“It’s done,” Twilight said, and the couple bolted forward. Scootaloo’s father crouched down and ran a hoof through Scootaloo’s mane. The filly shivered, her eyes still squeezed closed.
Her mother hovered next to her daughter. She shot a panicked glance at Twilight. “Is she okay? What happened?”
“Don’t worry, Scootaloo is fine. This is a very normal reaction.” Twilight strolled forward, her vision slightly blurred from the strain of spell use. “She’s just in a little bit of shock right now. In a few hours, she’ll be as healthy as ever.”
Her father frowned, eyeing Scootaloo’s tiny wings. “She doesn’t… look any different.”
Twilight smiled. “Her wings were never the real problem. Once she’s feeling up to it, get her try flying again. She should be able to, now. Her wings will grow rapidly over the next few months.”
The pegasus mare zipped over to Twilight, crowding Twilight’s face. “Will that hurt?” she asked. “Will there be side-effects? How long should she wait before flying? Is—”
“There might be some growing pains, but otherwise Scootaloo now has the magic of an average pegasus. None of my other patients have exhibited any negative effects so far.”
“D-dad?” Scootaloo groaned. “I feel… weird.” She twisted around on the ground, her hooves kicking lightly.
Scootaloo’s mother nodded thankfully and flew over to her daughter. “Come on, Scoot. Let’s get you home.”
Twilight turned and started walking back to the castle. The crowd parted around her and slowly dissipated, except for one pony.
“That was amazing, Twilight!” Nurse Redheart trotted next to her, bouncing slightly on her hooves. “I’ve read all of your papers on it, but seeing it myself…” she trailed off, still keeping pace with Twilight. “This may be a second enlightenment! All of the diseases we thought were incurable, solved in one fell swoop!”
Twilight nodded. “Yes, well, I’m only one pony. But there’s more to come. I’m sure you’ve heard that Princess Luna is founding a facility in Canterlot specifically for treating patients with genetic disabilities. Once we’ve trained enough doctors and can open the hospital properly, cases like Scootaloo’s should be easy to treat.”
“Oh, of course!” Redheart exclaimed. “I simply can’t wait to…” Twilight smiled and nodded, tuning out Redheart’s babbling and keeping up her pace as they passed Ponyville’s centre.
In the years that she’d been working to understand Star Swirl’s research, she had gotten used to the immensity of the discovery. Without Celestia chasing her down, it had all come down to numbers, patterns, and spell forms—the minutiae of the work didn’t hold quite the same excitement. But now that Equestria was on the cusp of such a huge medical development, she found herself looking to the future. After all, Star Swirl hadn’t developed his masterpiece to cure diseases.
She said goodbye to Redheart at the door to the castle and made her way up to her study. It had grown since she had started her work. What had been a glorified office now occupied half of its floor, with a connecting lab, library, and magic isolation chamber. The original room was still there, though. Twilight plopped herself down in front of her desk and dropped her notes onto it.
Chromacords were everything about a pony. Their size, their race, their magic, their sex. Even, as her side-project into researching moon-madness indicated, personality. All of it came down to tiny variations in a pony’s chromacords. Star Swirl’s spell, which used to be so complex and intimidating, barely scratched the surface of possibility. In fact, ‘ascension’ almost seemed a crude misuse at this point. She chuckled at the thought.
Nearly four years ago, Celestia had receded from the public eye, and Twilight and Luna had taken her place. Twilight still wasn't sure how much Luna had known about her sister's condition, but after working alongside her for so long, she knew better than to underestimate Luna's intuition.
Twilight had taken careful stock of every book Celestia had hidden over the years, and the results were staggering. She could hardly take credit for the dozens of cures for various diseases they'd developed based on those lost volumes. With so many avenues opened up, what might they do in another ten years? Could they make ponies stronger? Faster? Longer-lived? She winced, thinking of her brother. Shining wasn’t the stallion he used to be. In the end, the Sparkle family curse had landed on him as well. He still lived with Cadance in the Crystal Empire, but his mood swings were getting worse, and with a foal now in the picture… And her friends wouldn’t be far behind him. They were all still young, but time waited for nopony. Or rather no earth, pegasus, or unicorn pony.
Longer-lived.
Twilight glanced toward one of the bookshelves that lined the room and lit her horn. A thick, dusty old tome floated toward her and settled onto the desk with a thud. She flipped to the last page and ran a hoof over the ancient ink. She didn’t need to read it. She knew it by heart. She smiled. Yes. She could do this.
"From all of us together, together we're friends. With the marks of our destinies made one, there is magic without end."
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[aplauso]
So, I'm seeing that the prologue was completely pointless.
7671790 I meant it to be foreshadowing, but I guess it missed the mark for you. Thanks for the feedback.
7671790
I found it less confusing by reading the prologue again after finishing the last chapter.
This was a really gripping story, and I'm surprised it doesn't have more comments. I liked how you made Twilight and Celestia so antagonistic in this context, but without contradicting canon or demonizing either of them.
7775194 Curses! Thanks.
This story was fan-freaking-tastic!! I especially love how you took Twilights quirky personality traights from cannon and wove them into your story!!
Poor Celestia, suddenly she finds that she is also guilty of a great transgression against the ponys of her beloved nation. Unlike her sister though, her transgression was slow and subtle but still very impactful.
Bravo!
Well, I've found a new addition to my favourites list. I love the unique names for things. It made the discoveries feel more real. The twist for celestia was good too. My soul demands a sequal, but my mind says this is perfect the way it is.
Very captivating read. I must say I like your craft - there are no immersion breaks, the characters feel real, the prose runs smoothly. I wish I could write third person limited like you do.
If I may add critique, I'd like to say that I find the prologue ill-advised. It creates this sense of apocalyptic doom and visceral violence (red mist? holy shit man) that is nowhere else to be found in the story, and gives off the impression that one of the alicorns is gonna go apeshit, which does not happen in the end. I think leaving it out and starting the story from 'all is well', escalating from there, would be better. Some misdirection is fine, but this actually feels like an untruth.
Furthermore, a better introduction to the symptoms of moon madness would've been good, I think. The foreshadowing with grandpa Glint and Shining Armor is doing enough to realize one could've guessed, but it still comes at a bit of a surprise when Twilight diagnoses Celestia.
The science part and the cipher, as well as the spell weaving lore you've introduced here really impressed me. I believe a lot of research and careful thought went into this story, and it shows.
Okay this was... well for the most part it was AMAZING! Just, the tension, the build up, it really earned the 'Thriller' tag. The stuff with Starswirl's spell, the way it was all set up was great, and just, so much this could go with, so many ways this could work and just... yeah Twi's slowly questioning Celestia, the mystery of what is going on.... this story did SO much great and I was on the edge of my seat.
Right till the ending then it all kind of falls apart. This whole thing was leading to By the way Celestia is insane and needs to step down as leader of Equestria. Never mind how poorly foreshadowed it was, and just how 'whiskey tango foxtrot' to say that Tia is nuts and not a fit ruler, after everything she's done. Plus it's just so disrespectful to the character to simply write her off as nuts, that's it, just nuts neds to step away, screwed over Equestria in some ways because of it. It just, does not sit right at all. Either from the way it's presented, or what it means.
The whole idea was very poorly explained to know what is going on what any of it means, it's name dropped but that's it, and then suddenly it's, well, it's doing what it is.
Even then the reveal COULD have worked, if it had been handled better then just "You're insane" "Oh, guess I am I'm going to become useless now and go away because I clearly shouldn't be doing the job I have proven myself to do with AMAZING prowess, grace, wisdom and just overall being great at" and simply.. all of her history being reduced to "unfit to rule because insane." Have it be something new, and then tossing Shiny under the bus like that in the epilogue "Oh this character you like, he's now a paranoid mood swinging loon who can't enjoy being with his family anymore for no reason beyond, just because. And what the buck with the sending Twi the book if her obsession was keeping it hidden? knowing it could KILL HER!?
But worse is that, there are three main threads running through this, Twi's study of Starswirl's work. Scootaloo's issues, and the ending reveal. Yet.... only two of them have any connection or mesh together in any real way in the end. The later jut made the first thread harder and provided conflict, then ended up simply screwing over characters and turning them into shells of who they really are for no reason. Rather then making clear, given what this poorly explained disorder is, yet, why wasn't it made clear that Twi's research had fixed it? Make it be a SOLUTION to the issue, not just.. the issue existing just to create tension and then left hanging.
It just, there is SO MUCH GOOD and this was so intense, and just, I could not stop reading...... then the edning came and left me utterly baffled and hollow and just.... what? It had... it just came SO close and then, ended like that.
Plus, I really had no idea what wa going on with Luna, the whole scene in the dungeon I am lost on what was going on between them.. somehow.. suddenly Twilight thinks Luna is nuts and wants to rip her wings off and learning no makes her feel better about Celestia?
Yes the rest was so good, and the DNA stuff was great... though one other nagging issue is none of this explains Cadance, and makes the whole 'ascension' thing rather... lacking and mundane and... nothing important in any way, nothing special, robs cadance and Twilight of earning this, byt making it what it seems to be. Unless there is more to it then the story says.
I just,, still coming down off the tension high from the story so bit hyped, and yet..... yeah AMAZING build up, amazing set up, the tension was great, the ideas were mostly sound, but needed to include a bit more stuff, it's just the ending that comes out of nowhere and makes no sense, while being amazingly disrespectful to so many characters.
8199097 I spent a long time figuring out how to make the basic ideas in this story work, so I do have fairly solid answers to your questions if you don't mind some Word of God, some of which are present in the stories and a few which aren't. I appreciate the feedback either way.
I do think you're right about the ending being unsatisfying, although not for logical reasons so much as for tonal reasons.
8199186 Yeah that was the bigger issue, it just, all this set up and the ending just.. swerves into whole new territory. The logical stuff just comes up as you try to figure it out. (Except the Cadance thing, that the whole Time I was noting how, nothing about the spell Starswirl made accounted for Cadance's ascension.) And yes explanation would be fine and maybe help me understand things.
Really when Twilight talked about past patients before Scoots I was sure she meant fixing Celestia and Luna. The ending was, tonally off, but then the epilogue just, made it worse my having her and Shiny just.. end up like that.
8199309
Okay, I'll try to be as clear as possible here in case anyone else has similar questions. BIG SPOILERS ahead, if you couldn't tell from the giant black bars.
Without going too much into my writing process, suffice it to say that a fair amount of the story was rewritten and moved around at the last minute because the original draft was lacking in conflict and character motivation. The ending probably needed some more time in the oven, but I'd been working on the story for months and just wanted it published already.
The main idea of the story, which I was trying to save until the climax, is that alicorns are pretty much just mutated ponies. One of their chromosomes is messed up, which leads to excessive magical powers in some cases and full on alicornhood in others. This mutation can also cause serious neurological side effects, commonly called Moon Madness after Luna's mental breakdown and subsequent banishment.
Celestia, Luna, and Cadance were all born as alicorns, and therefore all share that same genetic quirk. It also runs in Twilight's family, which is why her grandfather has the disease, and that's also why Cadance gave birth to an alicorn baby--both she and Shining Armor share the alicorn gene. I'm not a biologist, but I guess that means the condition is recessive, since it skipped Twi's dad.
So anypony with that mutation has a predisposition to mental illness, and since alicorns are immortal, they're statistically guarranteed to show symptoms eventually. Luna suffered an episode which led to her turning into Nightmare Moon, and Celestia is dealing with one for pretty much all of Twilight's life, which reaches its peak during the events of the story.
Everything about Twilight's 'destiny' is the product of Celestia's mental illness and some lucky coincidence. If Twilight didn't happen to have the alicorn gene--something that Equestrian science didn't fully understand until Twilight found Star Swirl's journal--the spell from 'Magical Mystery Cure' would have killed her like it did Star Swirl. Celestia was convinced that Equestria needed a fourth alicorn, and so she sent Twilight the book, hoping she would figure out Star Swirl's spell and ascend. She also lied to her about Cadance's origins so that Twilight wouldn't question being the only 'unnatural' alicorn. This has since been contradicted by the season six premiere, but I started writing this during the hiatus between five and six, so that's one inconsistency that I couldn't patch.
The epilogue is a bit of a mess, I admit. Shining Armor has a minor case of Moon Madness, and I tried to hint that Twilight is also suffering from some delusions. Celestia is recovering with the help of good old psychiatry. I probably should have included a line or two about Twilight not feeling confident enough to magically mess with the brain.
There are probably a number of other big plot holes that I either didn't notice or can't remember, but those are the main points that I built the story around. I hope all this improves your understanding and appreciation for the story rather than the opposite.
Cheers!
8199429 Yeah gives a better idea, and a lot that really could have been better done and explained, especially with Moon Madness.
The thing with Cadance, is we've had her canon backstory since before Season 4. It was in the first GM Barrow Chapter book and was confirmed by the show staff as the official, canon backstory. Plus it was told to Twilight by Cadance herself. That she was a pegasus orphan found in the wild and raised by a roving tribe of Earth Ponies, till one day the EP's camp was attack by a witch using a dark artifact to weakened them and make them all unable to wake up through stealing all the love and energy from them. Only Cadance was able to resist it because even before this, she was full of so much love. (It was written as a book for younger kids, the wording is a bit simplistic) confronted the witch, and the love in her heart overcame the dark energy of the witches artifact, purifying it, breaking the spell, and causing her to ascend, which is when Celestia found her on the Ethereal Plane. So yeah hence why trying to figure out why none of Starswirl's work
On the mutation angle.... ehhh I can see how it makes sense, and understand the reasoning, it is an interesting one but to me... it just kind of... removes a good deal of the meaning, the grandness, the specialness of ascension, of Alicorns, just, random mutation versus ponies who have ascended to become demi-gods through becoming living Icons of a virtue.
As to the ending, yeah... really needed those details, like Tia was recovering, which did not seem possible since, the way it was talked about with Twi's family, it made it seem like Alzheimer's, something that, you never get over and it just gets worse and worse and worse. Shining it made it seem like, just as bad. At the very least, having Twilight studying the work and through it finding a key to curing the issue would have tied it all together neatly and ended on a better note. After all, it seemed natural where this would go, it wasn't Twilight messing with a brain at all, the issue is a genetic defect and that is exactly what she is fixing. Also, so Tia's episode was only the last few years? But then why was she doing all this stuff for so long that kept the knowledge hidden Twi had found?
But like i said for all the issues with how it comes together at the end, you did one HELL of an awesome job at the journey to get there. Just, so gripping so thrilling, so amazing and tense and damn you did 'thriller' right. Like you said, then ending just needed a bit more work to match that, and a few details that... not going to say 'wrong' but that just, feel counter to a lot of how things feel to me about these aspects. That don't quite feel like they match what we've seen for me. And it's just how damn GOOD it was that made the.. issues all the worse because everything else had me so keyed up, so hyped so sucked in that.. they felt all the more jarring and being high on the Adrenalin from the trip just made the reactions to them more extreme. So.. it's things that only seem worse, because everything was so damn GOOD!
8199646 Heh. Well, thank you very much. I'll try harder to stick the landing next time.
This was amazing..good job..I enjoyed reading it
A fascinating intellectual thriller, though the ending is something of a belly flop. You might want to add some of the stuff in your responses to Seraphem as an author's note; there's a lot of information there that's missing from the text and helps a great deal with understanding it.
Still, all told, a gripping read from start to finish. Thank you for it.