Twilight Sparkle, Princess and now mentor to Starlight Glimmer is having a great time at a party Starlight is throwing. After the party everything starts to snowball into chaos. As the cutie map summons everypony to it; all confused to the reason why the map needed them all the mane six look at each other. Till each one starts vanishing to the far reaches of Equestria, all but Twilight.
Can Twilight get her friends back before Equestria is destroyed by the princesses and Discord. Can Twilight even stop the pony behind it all or will Equestria fall into eternal chaos because of this pony.
Join Twilight on this endeavor to see if she fails in the quest at hand or over comes it.
Chapters (20)
The story summary was interesting enough to make me read it, though I usually skip stories with only a few chapters if they're not complete. I'm just kind of impatient that way, but anyways back to the story. Just a few grammar issues that your editors didn't catch, aside from those the story is interesting and I hope that you continue to share it with us. I'll list some of grammar issues below so you can correct them if you wish.
The mysterious unicorn had walked into Ponyville around four o’clock that afternoon. Still unspotted, the unicorn sat and looked up at Twilight’s castle, easily see able as it oversees the town. She shed a tear and then smirked. She was upset to see the castle that Twilight had called home but she just walked back to the Everfree forest. Right back to the Tree of Harmony, she sat down beside it and said
“The show will begin shortly, I already know how to get rid of Twilight Sparkle. Her friends won’t be able to help her... you know that right?”
1. Unspotted isn't a word unfortunately, try undetected instead.
2. Show vs tell, it seems this is written in 3rd person objective meaning you can't see into characters minds. So instead of telling us she was sad to see Twilight's castle, describe the way show looks at it and the expressions on her face or body language.
3. There still needs to be a comma after the word said, even though you put a whole line of space between the two.
4. double spacing can indicate a paragraph change, as can indenting your first sentence in a new paragraph. I recommend using only one of these methods instead of both together.
Thank you for sharing your story with us and I hope to see a new chapter soon!
Thank you! For the tips and I hope to have more of the story out soon. I just need to wait for the editor's to do there editing. The whole story is already done just needs to be edited. I'm glad you like the story so far and enjoy the rest when more of the tale unfolds.
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7458965 Ok.... Thanks for the tip I hope you're enjoying the story.
It feels rush, but is really good
7491603 Yeah the beginning, a bit but it slows down after awhile. But I'm glad you're enjoying the story.
You are going to have dash recreate the same event that brought them together
7538705 good guess but no. That won't happen and isn't going to happen.
Are Starlight and spike still knocked out or are they awake, because I’m pretty sure Twilight could use their help
9275118
Nah they still asleep
9276685
Well they are going to be so messed up when they finally wake up because sleeping for 5 days? Yeesh, their internal clock probably wants to just die at this point.
9276936
Probably, but Spike is a dragon an in season 1 there was a dragon that was going to sleep for a 100 years. Adult or not Spike will probably be fine...maybe, as for Starlight well...shes f**ked.