The story about how an unlucky young magician who acquired the mark of her special talent by an unusual and dangerous way.
A lot of thanks to psp7master for proofreading
This is a translation of my story "Шаманский глаз".
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snakeonmoon
Joined 22nd Feb, 2015 ·
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Осваиваем-с дальние рубежи? =)
7270131 А поркуа бы и не па? как говориться
How do you pronounce that?
7270871 Something like "Shamánskiy glaz"
So, her projection turned out to be a copy, and unmaking Rose to steal her horn, in order to weave a spell to escape the drawing, destroyed the projection, but not the mare. That's why Rose has no memories of anything that occurred inside the picture. "The Foal Effect" is an interesting idea. You probably don't want to have Star Wind be a pugasus
7272542 Chilly is too young for such multimove combination. Rose lost memories because part of her soul left in the picture.
7273115
Multi-what? But I thought Chilly needed a horn to escape. Why did she need to disassemble Rose then?
7273121 multi move combination means some complicated plan started with unclear for most of all actions. Like in chess.
>>But I thought Chilly needed a horn to escape.
She became a part of her own spell and this gave her opportunity to change other parts of that spell. For her it looked like she draws something and it becomes real. But real just inside that small world.
>>Why did she need to disassemble Rose then?
To get some lacking material (lines and strokes) to create the sanctuary. And through the sanctuary ask spirits for help.
Interesting, but it leaves with some open questions. As a reader, I'd like to know more about shamans, sanctuaries, familiy spirits and whatever. All that lore is interesting enough to be worth developing instead of keeping it hidden.
7309834 Thank for kind words. You're absolutely right. This story is just small piece of that I want to tell. I have some drafts in my scrapbook about lor, characters etc. Those are still consist more volume of the text then I already wrote as a stories. Unfortunately my writers skills is still weak. Btw english isn't my native language and I have to translate my stories after a write their.
7313398 Yes, there are some English mistakes, but it's a translation from Russian so it's normal, no one can expect it to be faultless (I am non native speaker myself).
Another thing I noticed is that the climax is missing. You build up tension and then skip to the ending.
I can give you some writing advice if you want, I'd be happy to help you improve your skills.