The impossible book

This story is a sequel to Shaman's eye

Princess Celestia sent Twilight Sparkle in a distant southern province of Equestria for exploring local cultural traditions, wanting her student to have a rest and improve communication skills with the other ponies. However, what she would not expect was for Twilight to be so involved certain aspects of ancient history in that area, that after returning, she immediately got lost in the archives of the Canterlot's library and found a book… a book which could change her life forever.

This is weird translation from russian made by my own. Original is here.

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Comments ( 8 )

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Selkie

Selkie #1 · Aug 17th, 2015 · · ·

Wow.. ok this was really interesting and awesome also makes you want to know more of the backstory.

thanks for translating this

snakeonmoon

snakeonmoon #2 · Aug 17th, 2015 · · ·

6327315 Thanks much! Btw, i not only translated this story, but wrote the original too. Here it is: https://stories.everypony.ru/story/10337/ if some one's interesting.

Pony writer

Pony writer #3 · Aug 17th, 2015 · · ·

great job

AJ Aficionado

AJ Aficionado #4 · Aug 17th, 2015 · 2 · ·

Dark water, bubbling and foaming, retreating from the coast by thousands of flows from small winding muddy bottom of streams to rushing rivers, which flip and carry away the open sea fishing boats and merchant galleys.

If the dark water is heading toward the shore, advance should be used in place of retreat.

All in a hurry, they all tried - to be as far away from the sea in general soon as possible, and in particular the port harbor.

There are a lot of different ways to handle this line, but in general, you don't want to use the same word twice in a paragraph. To tie all this into MLP, you should also explain who the people are who are running away from the shore. Example: In a rush to escape, the ponies on shore tried desperately to escape the shoreline — in particular the harbor. Also, some harbors are ports but never refer to one as both.

“Spike, you can’t shout here!” Twilight groaned. “it prevents...”

I think you meant to say the rules prevent it? Also, be sure to capitalize for a new sentence.

“The library is closed, and every one just given up on you.

"Everyone has given up" or "everyone gave up" is acceptable here.

and you have a personal permission from Princess Celestia to do that.”

Permission is not quantifiable so there is no reason to treat it as singular. Delete 'a'.

There are a lot more typos so I suggest an editor come look at this. There are groups on Fimfiction where you can find one.

This story needs a lot of help to get it up to speed, but the idea is cool enough. More than anything, I'm amazed that you translated all of this from Russian with google! That is one of the most heroic things I ever heard of. That's like taking on a Panzer IV with a kitchen knife! I'm giving this a like for sheer dedication to MLP!

snakeonmoon

snakeonmoon #5 · Aug 17th, 2015 · · ·

6328533

To tie all this into MLP, you should also explain who the people are who are running away from the shore.

Here is a very sensitive moment, I avoided to give any clue how they looks like and who they are and I did it with reason. Because they are not ponies and it revealed only at the end, when Celestia destroyed the curse with that "world" inside the book.

if the dark water is heading toward the shore,..

Nope. Exactly in opposite direction, that is why it retreated.

I think you meant to say the rules prevent it?

Actually not. Actually full sentences is something like "You disturb other ponies".

There are a lot more typos so I suggest an editor come look at this. There are groups on Fimfiction where you can find one.

I know it. Even more, one one proofreader work with this text, and he done really huge work. Just after googletranslate and me story looks really awful. But maybe you're right and few more iteration of editing will be helpful.

Thank you a lot for your attention.

Derpys Muffin Dealer