The grass glimmered as magic swept away the shrapnel of last night’s party, confetti floating up and away into recycling bins. Unicorns hastened to and fro, casting clean-up spells while pegasi flew overhead, busting any storm clouds that might impede the wedding preparations. Somewhere in the distance, Cadance fussed over musicians. In the middle of it all, surrounded by workers and expended party cannons and all the furor of marital organization, sat a single dragon.
Little streams of smoke sneaked their way up from his lungs, tunnelling through his sinuses and terminating at his nostrils, where they wafted away from him and transformed into spiralling rings. Spike had gotten very good at blowing smoke rings; there was not much else for him to do right now.
Oh, he had tried to help, but after he set the second pagoda ablaze, the workers had told him they’d rather he not. And then there was the fiasco with the food… in retrospect, the caterer should have realized it was a bad idea to put the jello next to the Smooze. Somedragon could make a mistake.
No, there was not much for a giant mountain of scales to do around here.
He blew another ring of smoke, a real whopper that looked more like a succulent donut than anything else. Just the ring was about to dissipate, he saw a little purple alicorn fly through it, flanked by a quartet of guards.
She touched down by Spike’s side, a bit of magical amplification helping her voice carry over the sounds of wedding preparation.
“Hi, Spike.”
The dragon looked her over from the corner of his eye and nodded in reply. “The wedding’s pretty soon, if you haven’t noticed. They had to move the date up; something about a prophesied return of the dark gods happening on the old date. They thought it would mess up the weather.”
The alicorn drew closer, not quite knowing if she was supposed to try to embrace him with her wings or just stand there, off to the side. “Again?”
“Yep.” A long pause, the only sounds the hissing of helium balloons inflating and bounce castles erecting. Spike had a distinct feeling Pinkie had given some input to the wedding planners. “You got the wings wrong.”
The alicorn’s ears perked. “What? What do you mean, Spike?”
He craned his neck to face her, her small body just a tiny reflection in his vast eyes. “When I was still a baby dragon, we rode into battle together. Some monster or other, buncha teeth, eyeballs, you know how it is. Long story short, I got scared and I accidentally scratched her wing—pretty deep, too.” Spike let out a puff of smoke. “Normally, it would have healed by now, but something about dragon magic made it leave a scar, even on an alicorn.”
The alicorn squirmed on her haunches before her horn haloed with acid light. Her purple feathers burned away and revealed translucent gossamer wings, the drones standing beside following her lead and dropping their disguises as well.
“A scar, you say?” asked Chrysalis.
If any of the wedding planners saw her transform, they were too busy to notice. Spike rumbled a answer. “She tries to cover it up, but I can always tell it’s there.” Gradually, he cantilevered his tail up to let a few ponies set up a kiddie pool for the seaponies. “Probably something sorcerous about it. I… and I shouldn’t be telling you this.”
The queen drew slightly closer, her throbbing belly pressing against his scales. Spike could feel half-hatched larvae squirming around in there. They writhed as Chrysalis muttered “Don’t you trust me?”
“Not really, no.” He saw her brows slightly warping in what Spike presumed was a crestfallen expression. “I mean… look, you haven’t exactly been the best pony in the world…”
“Because we’re not ponies,” she hissed. Spike felt anger in her, a sudden surge in her body temperature.
“Well, yes, I know that, but… ”
“But what?” Chrysalis turned away from him, wings making a slight warbling noise in the wind.
“Chrysalis?” Now that she had taken a few steps, he couldn’t feel her oily body through his scales.
“Spike, what if you had teeth meant for tearing flesh instead of grinding gems? What if you had a gut that could only digest meat and bones, and a hunger for thinking prey?”
The dragon shifted his weight uncomfortably. “What are you talking about, Chryssy?”
“You lived in a library, surely you read the fairy tales. Dragons who would eat ponies, crack open cottages like eggshells and lick up the foals inside.” Her eyes narrowed as she remembered her past. “They weren’t just stories to frighten fillies into eating their vegetables, you know.”
Spike coiled his neck closer to her. “Right. When Twilight found me reading those books, she said I stayed up the whole night crying. I kept trying to show her that I wasn’t going to be like the bad dragons…”
Chrysalis snorted, her drones chittering around her. “You know what happened to those ‘bad dragons?’” She drew her wings closer, a sudden gust of wind chilling her cold-blooded body.
Spike rifled through his extensive memory. “Celestia and Luna destroyed them… well, petrified them, anyway. The Elements seem to like turning things to stone.”
Another snort from the queen. “Typical.” she growled. “Can’t even bother to mention the one time we helped them.” She cut Spike off before he could ask “What?” again. “We defeated them, my drones and I, and yes, your beloved princesses.” Chrysalis looked up at him. “The dragons were a threat to my food source, as well.”
The drones swarmed around her as she spoke. “We buried them in sand and wrapped them in slime, so they would never wake from their stone sleep.” Chrysalis perked up a bit as she remembered. “You know, they—my drones, I mean—adapted the battle into a play.” Her holed hoof reached out and snagged a nearby nymph. “This little one played me in in last year’s performance. He was almost adequate.”
The nymph glowed. Coming from the queen, “almost adequate” was high praise. Just as he was about to hug Chrysalis, she pushed him away and turned back to Spike. “What was I talking about?”
Spike stared for a moment. “Uh, dragons?”
“Yes, dragons.” She blinked as she got back on track. “Spike, what if you couldn’t eat gems? Or hay fries, or whatever insipid things ponies stuff their faces with? What if you were a carnivore, like the ancient dragons? A feral beast, more animal than…” Chrysalis swatted the air in annoyance. “… than thinking being. What do you think the ponies would do you?”
Spike drooped his wings over her, shielding her from the commotion all around. “You’re afraid they won’t forgive you.”
“We don’t even have hearts, and you want us to be kind? You realize our only talents are subterfuge, deception, and seduction, right?”
“That’s not true! You’re also good… massage technicians? And…” Spike felt a few drones nestling into his leathery wings. “And… uh…”
“Child abductors,” Chrysalis purred.
“Uh-huh. Maybe let’s stop talking about your talents, Chryssy.” Spike sighed, sending two drones tumbling through the air. Curls of smoke filled the insides of his wings. “Look, you want the ponies to forgive you—”
Chrysalis waved smog away from her mouth. “It would make infiltrating their society much easier.” Spike glowered. “What?”
Another sigh.
She rolled her eyes. “Yes, I suppose my swarm would be a little safer if we didn’t have to worry about ponies with torches and pitchforks. For my children’s sake, I would accept their forgiveness.” A drone contorted itself into a chitinous seat as the queen plopped herself down on her haunches. “You were saying?”
“You need the ponies to forgive you. If you want us to go through with the wedding—”
Chrysalis cut him off again. “You know, I gave you the crown and everything. We’re already married.”
Now it was Spike’s turn to roll his eyes, no small feat given that they were as large as swimming pools. “—in a ceremony that was not legally binding under Equestrian law, which is what’s going to matter going forward. As I was saying, if you this wedding to happen, you’re going to have to apologize. It’s the first step towards reconciliation.”
Actually, it was the twenty-second step on the Changeling-Pony Reconciliation Strategy Checklist that Twilight had made for Spike, but he felt it would not be prudent to mention that.
Chryssy drew herself up taller and tilted her nose in what would have been a regal and commanding pose, had she not been sitting next to a living mountain of dragonflesh. “Changeling queens do not apologize.”
“No, but Equestrian princesses do.” Spike saw her flex her eyebrows in confusion. “Twilight’s brother, remember? I’m technically a prince, and it’s my responsibility to watch over anypony—” He caught himself. “—anyone near my den in the Badlands.” A gentle twitch of his wings blew away another billow of smoke. “Mostly that means rescuing stragglers from sandstorms and trying to convince newcomers that I’m not going to eat them, but I guess everyone needs somedragon to watch over them, every once in awhile.”
He heard a little “pardon me” behind him and hoisted his rump. Somewhere near his buttocks, a workpony pushed squeaky-wheeled cart past him.
“You marry me, you’d be a princess.” He thought for a bit. Princess of slime? Princess of dampness? “The Princess of Motherhood. Stars know you have plenty of experience.” He gulped. “I mean, you’d get to be princess eventually. We’d have to address the whole child abduction thing, first, you know.”
Chrysalis gathered her drones around her, gingerly lifting her haunches off the changeling below her. “Celestia would allow it?”
The drones trembled as Spike’s chuckle rumbled the earth beneath them. “You underestimate her desire for grandchildren.” He settled back down, saying “You care for your children, I can see that.” Spike quickly glanced away. “Though sometimes I wish I didn’t,” he muttered, thoughts of suckling insect mouths and unpleasantly-moist anatomy intruding into his thoughts.
“What?”
“Nothing, nevermind. Point is, you protect the ones you…” Spike hesitated. Love was a loaded word around changelings. “… you protect your subjects, and do a great job of it.” He started to reach a long claw out to scratch beneath his chin, but a drone saw what he was doing and beat him to it, itching him with a haloed horn. Spike murmured in pleasure—he could get used to this.
Once the drone was done, Spike took a breath and continued. “There’s good in you, a lot of good… buried very deep, but it’s there. That’s why Celestia and Luna thought I could save you.”
Chrysalis, who had for the past moment been pacing a circuitous path, stopped and shot a sideways glare up at him. “Saved? What are you talking about?”
Spike shrugged. “Yeah. We like redeeming ponies, it’s kinda our thing. We did Nightmare Moon, Discord, Sombra when he came back to life, Flurry Heart after she turned last century… Even Tirek’s therapy is going pretty well. He's only eaten three psychologists so far. Really, you’ve been the only one we couldn’t fix. It’s a bit of a black mark on our perfect record.”
Chrysalis’s jaw tightened, and her drones began to chirp in rapid tones. “So that’s what I am to you?” She whipped herself around, wings stirring up eddies in Spike’s smog. “A black mark, something to fix?”
“Chrysalis? What’s going on?” He drew his wings closer around her, contracting them into a teepee, but she pushed past.
“What, were we an assignment?” She rammed a hoof in his titanic face. “Been plotting this for awhile now, have you? Been threatening your little friendship record, have we?”
Spike recoiled, his wings spreading up and out as his neck arched over her. “No, it’s not like that!”
“And you’re not like us at all.” The queen and her drones melted into green flames, emerging in pony disguises. They cantered away, and one by one, he lost them in the crowd.
Spike mentally flipped through Twilight reconciliation checklist. This was most definitely not on it.
With how densely stubbornminded Chryssi has been to make this work, this was unexpected.
Wut?!
your plan failed
but mine will work!
you know she's been dead quite a while
how about this?
still dead but not as long
this?
now you're getting creepy
I'm not sure that's how it works. Wouldn't that make Twilight's parents King and Queen?
7327014 Honestly, MLP uses royal titles in very confusing ways. Twilight is said to have a "kingdom," even though she's a princess (the proper term would be "principality.") In Faust's original idea, Celestia was a queen, but she was changed to a princess by Hasbro (princess toys sell better than queen toys, I guess).
In this story, Spike's relation to Twilight, plus his being a multiple-time savior of the world, was enough to earn his princely status. And really, do you want to tell a five-hundred-foot-tall firebreathing monster he can't be a prince?
"Kids, Don't Google That"
But seriously, it's a website that primarily sells sex toys marketed toward furries.
Sex is a thing, don't be shy talking about it in open forums. That way lies ignorance toward a fundamental part of the human condition. Even if the furry angle is... niche.
Don't google it, hmmmm, so that means google it yes?
Oh, Spike. Ironically, Chrysalis has been nothing but open and honest in all respects, from seeing ponies only as a food source to only being 'sorry' her Canterlot attack didn't succeed. Meanwhile, you've been using deceit and trickery in an attempt to manipulate someone else into behaving the way you think is right, all the while deluding yourself about the effectiveness of your ploys. She was right to call you out; love has been nowhere in the reasons you've had for going through with this, and you need to realize that sooner rather than later.
That said, of course I agree with you that the way Chrysalis has been treating ponies is wrong. But she doesn't. You keep expecting her to apologize for something she views as entirely right and necessary, and you're surprised she's getting huffy? The only surprise is that it took her this long to snap, and odds are she's only humored you this long because you're delicious.
And because bad news comes in threes, here's the third piece for you: she may not change. Or she may change for the wrong reasons; for instance, she may decide that this whole 'honesty' thing isn't working out and pretend to be 'reformed' exactly as long as it serves her purpose. She certainly isn't going to change out of love for you, because, let's face it:
You don't love her at all.
Well, that's gonna put a bit of a hold on the wedding isn't it?
7327030 Yeah, not to mention that Princess Celestia sees him as a son. You know, just in case someone missed how she acted in the first chapter.
7327030 Yeah Spike being a prince not through his relationship with Twilight would make more sense, but I don't think Chrissy would enjoy the downgrade, going from Queen to princess. If anything you'd think Spike would be King of the changelings.
7327149
That is probably why she's acting out in the first place; on base instinct level she is sensing her supply of pity-love is weakening and reacting against that even though it goes against her conscious plans.
Like a kitten instinctively kneading her litter mother's teats to stimulate milk.
Well duh, we're all just projects in the end...
Keep going! ;)
7327014 Well the story also keeps referring Spike as Celestia's (and Luna's ?) son so there's that little detail. Iunno...
Wow, way to be a jerk, Spike. She's been completely honest with you, yet you deceive her. And you're also asking her to change who she is completely because apparently only the pony way is right.
Will you someday make an bonus-chapter with this checklist?
Good chapter.
Let's hope the wedding isn't over before it even started.
7327030
There aren't many children-stories where the queen is the good guy.
Good job, Spike. Good job
Oh dear Spike. Open mouth, insert claw. But at least even doing that, dig far enough and youll find a limb to stand on.
Can someone explain the meaning of the title to me? If it has any meaning at all.
Well Spike you have goofed up big time.
Over all not a bad chapter. Good job.
-BFBL
I know all about Bad Dragon...
Or maybe...
(Alondro is infected with FURRY!! RUN BEFORE IT GETS YOU TOO!)
So according to Chrysalis, I should accept deer ticks because they can't help themselves...
*squishes tick*
Yeah...
*squishes cherngelerngs next* Parasites are parasites. *squishes lawyers next*
Uhm, Chrysalis... YOU'RE the one who pushed Spike into the marriage when he clearly didn't want to.
This story shouldn't try making social commentary. It's far too ridiculous.
7327661
I'm just going to destroy you and not even bother if you can't see how absurd Chrysalis' entire argument really is.
7327149 Uhm... of course he doesn't love her.
I thought that was pretty obvious from the beginning of the story right up to now.
She hasn't exactly been lovable. She's a FULLY SAPIENT BEING who refuses to even consider the notion that she can choose not to be a self-centered sadistic egotistical bitch to ponies.
I would say that the situation is akin to many humans desiring to limit the suffering of even the rather mindlessly domesticated animals we raise for food. We can THINK, therefore we can CONSIDER OTHER OPTIONS. To refuse to do even that much paints Chrysalis in an entirely unsympathetic light. And her little blame game with Spike is utterly absurd given that she's the one who started all of this in the first place.
Frankly, she strikes me as completely psychotic. I've seen women with this sort of personality on those true murder shows.
7327876 How did he goof up? If he plays his cards right, maybe he can get a divorce!
7326935 Think of it this way: Chrysalis is the kind of wife you'd see featured in an episode of "Deadly Women" on ID.
Once you see it from that angle, her radical mood swings and sociopathic nature make perfect sense.
Spike needs to beware that he's not stabbed to death in bed when she goes off on the inevitable psychotic rage. The impenetrable dragon scales will likely help with that.
7327876 just do not search a website called bad dragon
Oh dear... Things have gone bad for Spike and the Royal Sister's little plan haven't they?
*reads 11th chapter title* *Googles it anyways and checks images* Well at least it's not a man sticking a jar up his ass...
Seeing how... pragmatic the changeling wedding ceremony was, I'm curious to see just how the divorce proceedings are handled.
7327661 What, are you suggesting they let the changelings feast on the orphans now? They're messed up in their own right.
Open mouth, insert giant, scaly foot.
And there the fuck up! Wondered when that would happen.
Bad Dragon indeed.
Hmmm.... Can, Spike, change his size with changeling magic? Would that make a good gift for, Chrysalis, and their honeymoon?! Hope there will still be one though. GO FIX THIS, SPIKE!!!
7328075 Oh okay thanks.
7328075
Or do, if you like interesting dildos.
ha! thats a sex toy store
7327014
It's not, at all.
It's a common misunderstanding amongst pony writers, particularly ones who aren't overly familiar with royalty. If it was, Twilight would have already been princess before her alicornhood, simply by being Shining Armor's sister. This is not how it works in real life, and the perfect example is Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge... aka formerly Kate Middleton married to Prince William. No one says that Pippa Middleton (I bet most people never even heard of her) is 'technically' a princess, because she is not, at all, in any sense of the word, a princess. She merely happens to be the sister of a princess, who is a princess only by marriage.
Now, conversely, if Spike was the adopted child of either Celestia (which is implied in this story) or Twilight (due to her hatching him?) then yes, he could technically be considered a prince, as Equestria does not really worry (outside maybe Blueblood?) bloodline based royalty claims.
7329852
Correct me if I am wrong, but Shining is, and Chrysalis would be, consorts to the princess and prince respectively correct?
7331159
Technically, yes, but they would not be referred to as that. They just can't take a 'higher' title than their spouse.
Take, for example, the current Prince Philip being married to Queen Elizabeth. Elizabeth was of house Windsor, current heir to the throne, while Philip was not. If Cadance was 'promoted' to the title of Queen or Empress, Shining would remain a prince.
Now, if by some bizarre succession issues (i.e. Chrysalis kills off all other Equestrian royalty… not a far fetched plan) then Spike would likely become King, as his title would possibly be derived from his adopted mother's bloodline, and Chrysalis could be his Queen (assuming he doesn't ice her for killing his mother, auntie, sister, his old foal sitter and his sorta kinda brother maybe), assuming that Equestria follows the same patriarchal system our monarchy does (i.e. King out ranks Queen), though she might be, in this case, referred to as Queen Consort legally to ensure that the ultimate authority stays with the Equestrian royal house (i.e. Spike)
7328035 I let out a sensible chuckle imagining Chrysalis trying to poke her horn through dragon scales.
you dun goofed
Well, this has been delightfully absurd fun... at least, up until this sudden turn for the dramatic. Honestly, I'm not entirely certain whether this instance of Chrysalis can be reformed. She may not have the mental capacity for it. Alternately, her mentality may be too alien to the pony norm to understand their society. Especially the parts about not eating orphans.
In any case, looking forward to more.
7346182 Hey, now. Chryssy doesn't eat the orphans. That's just vicious pony propaganda. No, she just licks their moist tear ducts. Vigorously. While chuckling maniacally.
The poor, innocent children... How could you!
I liked this better. Less of the rails. Or at least, less absurd. Though the shift to mostly serious is kinda odd.
Can't figure out if Chryssy is supposed to be in the right or if this is an elaborate parody of the excessive whitewashing some writers insist on. I'm guessing the former.
7371818 Right now it seems a toss up as to which original character has gone the least bonkers. Right now I'm leaning towards Luna mostly.
7328013 How is it absurd, she's a proponent of indigenous changeling way that the white ponies want to thwart.
7346207 D'awwww, the always lovable Chryssie. Plus, just by doing that she's paying them more attention than ponies ever did.
You done f* up!
Do what he says, (Bad Dragon) do NOT Google that shit! Hahaha that made my fricken day!
I find the lack of updates in this excellent story disturbing. Needs moar, ASAP
7585857 I'm super sorry I haven't been updating. Shit's been going down in my life, but I'm going to power through and get a chapter posted if it kills me. I have the whole thing plotted out, I just need to write it... and figure out how I'm going to deal with Thorax and all that business.
7636365 Don't sweat it. If your personal life is getting in the way, then put that on a higher list of priorities than this story. You shouldn't force yourself to write something, you should do it because you enjoy it.