Rainbow suffers a serious heart break, sending her to one pony that would listen to her troubles; Twilight Sparkle.
Soon, a relationship sprouts, which could tear all of the Mane 6 apart by Celestia herself.
Chapters (3)
SkypiDashie
Joined 14th Nov, 2011 ·
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giggity
+instant track
Some issues here.
"Twas a windy morning in Ponyvile, with only a few clouds. Twilight and been having a rough time with Rainbow Dash. She had taken a heart break in the past year, with the infamous Soarin’ from the Wonder-Bolts."
It's starting off a bit odd. The "Twilight and been having" bit doesn't make any sense. Also, consider changing "infamous" to "famous". Unless your fanon Soarin is infamous when it comes to breaking fillies hearts.
Wow. Alright, I read a few paragraphs more and I can't manage more. This fic is riddled with grammatical errors. You desperately need an editor who can help you make this read well. If you get on #equestrianstudy at the IRC chat on Equestria Daily there will be plenty of people that can give you help with it. Or you could open a Google doc for the fanfic and I could always point out a few of the errors myself. Doing it manually here in comments wouldn't be feasible I'm afraid.
Unless it's all a trollfic. But it doesn't quite look like it.
40907 Grammatical errors mean nothing, it is the story that counts. At least in my mind.
As stated before, there are some spelling/grammar issues, but that's not really bad unless it obscures the reading capabilities.
-The plot is good, I like it
-However, the story is a bit "choppy." It's lacking a consistent flow, and comfortable transitions.
-It also feels slightly rushed. There was a lot that occurred within 1,500 words.
Anyway, you've got good ideas and a nice plot, but the story needs better control.
what? so Twilight was sleep walking? and then (sleep sex with Dash?))
I'll be working on the grammar for a while. I didn't notice those errors because google docs is so bad now. can't even right click to check if it's spelled wrong, so glitchy.
There. I believe I fixed everything. If anyone see's any errors, or suggestions, PM me. I would like to open it up in a google doc one of these days with someone.
40859
that was the exact first word that came to mind after reading this
I worked on this for a while, making small town betrayal epic. :3
It will only get more good.
Hmmm this is pretty funny... WTF did the nurse do????
A bit rushed in my opinion and a good bit OOC but smooth out the rush part and you got yourself a story!
I have a strange feeling, he'll regain those lost memories sooner or later....
Reminds me of what happened to Harry Osborne in Spider Man 3. He lost his memories, then after a tragic event, he regains his memories.
42898 We will see..
dafuq
Oh yes. This will get a lot more interesting as it goes.
dafuq?
Twidash? Insta-track!
Also... dafuq?
Profiled, will read later.
Fox, please consider everything.
Luna doesn't like Celestia, so she will help the Mane 6
Applejack is kind of ye' olde so yes, chest.
I leave suspense because JUST CAN.
And the dialogue in fine. You should learn proper grammar before judging other people's.
Well this is getting interesting, although everything is escalating WAY faster than things typically do. Despite the fast pacing, I still want to see where this goes; tracking.
Keep up the good work fine sir.
i can smell that a storms a brewin......:) evil smile
I've read through the first chapter and while i must say that the storyline is indeed quite well planned, i couldn't get past your grammar. i hope you find a good pre-reader to help with this problem other than that it's a good story
63348 what problems did you find good sir? D:
go-go power ponies!
I'm enjoying this story alot, once I saw it was TwiDash I tracked it.
:3
Sorry, I've been slow with chapters. I've been enjoying my break, and I'm gonna finish Part 2 of my Twi-Luna fic before continuing this one. Thank you all.
Instead of breaking up which is harmless, LET'S GO KILL A F**KING PRINCESS
Uhhh.... Okay?