Because a lot of the themes are heavy in this story, I've decided to change the theme to Mature. Don't think too much about why that might be. Next chapter's up, by the way.
I notice how little detail you actually put into describing the stallion, besides him being Mr. Right. No colouration or Cutie Mark, no name, not even his tribe, just that he works for a perfume company.
Rainbow Dash thinks she can't really feel anymore as a dead pony walking, but that's not quite correct. She can still feel for Rarity, but it's also her feeling for Rarity that leads to Rainbow Dash inadvertently screwing everything up. While she is able to deduce it was her appearance at the wedding that was the first spark, Dash still can't seem to self-reflect that yes, it was her fault that things got this far, to the point where she refuses to interfere in their spousal spats, apparently hoping their marriage will degenerate. Then when the stallion goes too far and beats up Rarity, Rainbow Dash decides to get revenge on him.
RD seems incapable of reflecting on that, but Rarity will probably be savvy enough to figure out the circumstances and be angry.
Starlight's rise definitely owes to a lack of leadership on the part of the Alicorn princesses, but it'll be unlikely to be seen as that.
Because a lot of the themes are heavy in this story, I've decided to change the theme to Mature. Don't think too much about why that might be. Next chapter's up, by the way.
7331338 One detail I'm confused by. At one point Starlight is called an alicorn, but she's later said to be a unicorn. Which one is she?
7332003
If you're refering to the line:
That's a rumor circulating around Equestria, rather than actual fact. But if I called Starlight an alicorn by accident, let me know.
7332102 Yes, that was the line I was confused about. Thank you for clarifying.
7332781
The caps lock seems excessive, but you make a good point. Let me change that to Cheese Sandwich.
Stories like yours is exactly what keeps me lurking around here. Keep up the grand work my creative friend.
7337570
And here I thought no one read my stuff. I guess I've got to keep writing now. Thanks for the words!
Revenge dash revenge hahahahah
I notice how little detail you actually put into describing the stallion, besides him being Mr. Right. No colouration or Cutie Mark, no name, not even his tribe, just that he works for a perfume company.
Rainbow Dash thinks she can't really feel anymore as a dead pony walking, but that's not quite correct. She can still feel for Rarity, but it's also her feeling for Rarity that leads to Rainbow Dash inadvertently screwing everything up. While she is able to deduce it was her appearance at the wedding that was the first spark, Dash still can't seem to self-reflect that yes, it was her fault that things got this far, to the point where she refuses to interfere in their spousal spats, apparently hoping their marriage will degenerate. Then when the stallion goes too far and beats up Rarity, Rainbow Dash decides to get revenge on him.
RD seems incapable of reflecting on that, but Rarity will probably be savvy enough to figure out the circumstances and be angry.
Starlight's rise definitely owes to a lack of leadership on the part of the Alicorn princesses, but it'll be unlikely to be seen as that.
This paragraph break isn't double spaced like the rest.
Gasp! The return of the sinister double spaces!
an
ready
Capitalize Twilight
Them
Isn't it the Royal Canterlot Voice?
Safe
After all
Should probably put a comma in between 'her' and 'after'.
This one is not a double space, but a missing 'a'.
radiant
hers
stallion
every
7331338
Yeah, no kidding. Some of the scenes in this have just been crushing.