She's always there when I need her. She'll always lend me a sympathetic ear, even for the pettiest of problems. She always knows what to say to make me smile. She knows how to brighten up my day. Simply hearing her sweet, little voice gives me comfort. Simply seeing her gorgeous eyes and beautiful smile lifts me up. She's still with me, even after seeing me at my worst. She's the greatest friend I could ever ask for.
So why do I still feel so lonely?
**Popular on May 19, 2016 - Wow...
Rated T for some strong language and mild self-abuse
Chapters (1)
So much wangsting...
It actually wasn't poor or selfish. If you needed to write this to help get out of depression, then there's nothing wrong with that. You have my best wishes, especially since depression sucks worse than Trump.
Also, is Jake your real name? You don't have to answer that if you don't want to. Everyone deserves their own privacy.
Such a depressing but heartwarming story. No words can describe how beautifully well written this was. I don't know how you do it, but I simply adore everything you write.
7119293 Well, sorry for wasting your time. I have to help my depression somehow
7119475 So instead of going to family, friends, hotlines, professionals at your school, or a professional removed from said places, you go to a writing website that utilizes a rating system?
7119573 When you're all alone in college, and have no money to afford professionals, yes
7119475 I am very sorry for your depression. But, and I know I may have just recently subscribed to you, if you've got some problems, its alright to tell people. If you're having depression, I'll listen.
wow this is like my life every day minus the slapping but still pretty damn close
7119632 Thanks for your concern. I have depression spells occasionally, and it's no fun.
7119833 I know how you feel. I've got problems like that. In fact, some of the things I've written for my fic Secret of the Toxicity is actually a bit of an outlet for some of my anger. And depression
This was pretty good. A bit depressing, though.
I don't know what to say except that you did a good job on the story.
Fight through that depression, boi! You'll overcome it, boi!
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Things I have in commen with this guy;
Autistic
Talks to self
Has trouble talking to people
Weirds people out
Wishes he had someone
Has self pitty (sometimes)
Crys
.........
Nice story.
7119919 I do have autism, and it's hard for me to reach out to people, especially professionals whom I don't know.
7120224 Glad you liked it
7120235
Happened to me too. I was good friends with a couple of girls, but got a crush on them and... Friendships got destroyed.
7120262 Man can I relate to that. It hurts. I don't think I've ever been more hurt in my life. People didn't understand why I was upset though. It wasn't because she didn't like me back, it's because I lost my best friend. That hurt more than anything
7119606 I see. So this is all just a rehash of LightningSword's behavior, hugbox included. I'll just pretend I never came here.
7120449 im sorry to hear that here have a hug *hugs*
Do you, uh. . . Wanna talk about it? I am by no means qualified, and I see you are venting in other ways, but still. . .
Aww, I'm so sorry you feel so bad. But, nice, sad story. Although in the begining I believe you switched from present to past tense a few times.
I hope you're okay now
Bro... I know these feels...
*squee* saw this on the popular list!
Deep and adorable in a way. Keep up the good work!
Great story! I loved the way you gave the words expression to make the story feel sad.
Have a like!
Woah...
I'm so sorry.
I'm about to turn 59 and just last year found out that I'm a textbook case of Asperger's--a condition that wasn't even recognized until 1981, when I was 23 or 24 years old and I'd already physically grown up. But emotionally, I have never grown up and never will. Just imagine being my age and never having had a girlfriend! (I also once scared a girl off, though it was in college.)
In 1986 CBS showed a "Hallmark Hall of Fame" movie entitled "The Promise," starring James Garner and James Woods. Woods played a character with schizophrenia. At one point in the film he tells his brother (played by Garner) a long list of things he'll never do (one of them is "make love to a woman") and says that's why he's a Hindu, because he simply cannot accept that this is all life has for him. Although I don't share his religious beliefs I share the experience, and I suppose there are quite a few of us in the same boat, though we are all withdrawn and solitary and no one knows about us.
One of the biggest disappointments I've had with the brony community is that it has this self-image that it's so different from the rest of the world, so accepting and welcoming and friendly. I've seen the testimonies by people who claim it has changed their lives. But I've found bronies to be just as cruel and just as intolerant of people who are different in ways they don't understand as anyone else. I've even been bawled out online by bronies. It may be an unusual fandom by some standards, but the idea that it's some sort of utopia is a hideous and cruel lie.
I'm glad you're feeling better. I'm so sorry for the lives that have been dealt to people like us, and for the "tolerant" people who still can't be bothered to be our friends.
PS: I wish the Ponies were real too. Sorry if that's creepy, but it's true.
LOL, oh man, okay, look.
Women... are like sand. The more frantically you try to hold onto them, the faster they slip through your fingers. But the moment you realize that they're not the point of your life, and you really feel that realization, they're all up in your asscrack and you can't get rid of them.
LMAO, yes, women are sand. Channel the Anakin!
Sorry for comparing women to sand, anyone who's feeling offended by this post. But this brony needed to hear it.
7230499 Thank you so much!
7173615 Fixed
Nice story! You obviously conveyed that Jake is a sensitive pony, in a really good and really heartfelt way. Or is it a pony? Because Jake's backstory mentions text messages. Not to mention, You say Fluttershy muzzled Jake's HAND, even though Jake is a pony. One last thing I picked up is that Jake slaps himself when feeling stress. Firstly, it's kind of impossible to "slap" with a hoof (or hand?), Second, people do worse self harm under stress, such as punching their head, banging their head, and even cutting themselves on the arm, bleeding. You'd think that under this kind of depression, Jake would be a little harsher to himself than just "slapping."
Yes, I understand that this was made while you were depressed yourself , and I've even experienced that too. Depression freaking sucks. But I mean, there's a Mature rating on Fimfiction.net. I think harsher self harm would have made his depression more realistic and relatable. Other than that, anything else I'd be able to point out would be nitpicking.
Nice job, I could easily relate to Jake here! (except the slapping)
7291396
Jake is a human.
He just imagined that Fluttershy was there, when in reality... she doesn't exist.
Dang. This.. this hits home on a few levels.
I've done this kind of self-abuse before. Self-hate is a very real thing, and I know just how it feels. I've hit myself until I burst blood vessels around my eyes, making it obvious for days until the crimson patches of skin cleared up. I still have the pictures, as a reminder.
I've also gone so far as to cut myself before. But not just cutting... I carved words into my skin.
FAILURE FREAK
IDIOT
It's on the back of my left forearm, still there in white scars. There's also three letters, WOR, the start of WORTHLESS, but I didn't finish it because I had to leave. When I came back, I didn't feel like I needed to cut again, because I'd talked to my amazing, sweet girl, and she'd helped me. Talked to me about it.
I know what it feels like. I'm autistic, too. I hate so many parts of myself... So many...
*takes a breath, lets it out* But, I'm getting better. More or less.
Sorry, I... I kinda got carried away there, a bit.
Very nice fic. I can relate to the feelings in here a lot. I'm sorry you feel like this, I wish you the best. I'm here if you ever, ever need someone to talk to. Despite my sad comment, I'm always there to help cheer people up.
7296576 .....That's messed up. But still, good story.
7299474
Uh, thanks. Glad to know my story is messed up
(I totally agree with you, though.)
7299477 I was saying that about how the main character imagines Fluttershy. It does make for an interesting mind exploration.
7320120
it was sarcasm, sorry 
yeah, I know
7320127 Okay lol
holy fu- that was... raw... and powerful, it's like... if Fallout didn't have any humor components, no juxtaposition, that was fucking powerful, I enjoyed this story... well, not ENJOYED but... oh, you know what I mean, kudos!
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7119475
Well well well, do we have here? I myself have Asperger's Syndrome. I have slapped myself occasionally, but not in the kind of way that this story says. I do it to wake myself up sometimes. Anyways.
What if I told you that there's a thing that keeps me alive, and I think it will help you guys too. I've got most of Jake's problems, but there's one thing that keeps me going.
Insanity. Complete and utter insanity.
I'm the kind of guy who thanks others for calling me weird. I use fictional methods to focus myself. I dropped out of High School and did the GED a month later. I even put a guy in a chokehold (and got suspended for that).
Point is, your different brain is different. Embrace that. I did. Next thing you know, the voice in your head that keeps on talking you down tells you how to live life. And more voices come into your head. They all constantly talk with each other, and agree on most things. That's my head every day. It helps out a lot.
7707454 I do that slap thing to wake myself up too! Thanks for the words but going insane scares me. I just wish I has someone who loves me and I love them. So I don't get lonely.
7707478
For me, I found out that I was insane. It was kinda scary, but began to feel kinda good when this big hispanic kid walked up to me and said that he feared me (though it probably helps that I'm a broad 6'3" dude). And I feel you too with the loneliness. For a while, I felt a hole. Now, I feel something eating me alive. For the looks factor, I say that I'm a neckbearded weirdo; but something's telling me that if I actually lift weights, I might end up looking like Blazkowicz. But for the most part, all it really takes to get a girl is to ask. It's all a matter of confidence and self-esteem. I got a tiny shred of confidence and no self-esteem. It sucks. But, most guys are more than what they think they are. I love to thing down on myself, but I'm actually a somewhat well accomplished Eagle Scout. That is no easy task. If it's thing that can dominate low self-esteem and confidence, it's having balls. I say to grow a pair, I am not being rude. I'm saying that that's what it takes to truly be a man. Not owning a truck, having big muscles, never drinking from Starbucks, being insanely stupid things; none of that noise. All it takes to be a man is to have balls. Unless if you are a lady. Then I would still recommend the same words, but I can't we word it for the female gender...
And, there's my social problems coming back. Sorry for droning on. But still! Only takes having balls to be a man. Remember that.
7708096 I am a dude. I am 6 foot 2 inches. I have low self esteem, but I am very friendly.
Thanks for your words.
It was nice to talk to you.
7707454
That's what everyone says, but it doesn't really help a lot. It's all well and good if your difference doesn't interfere with making a living and having a basically normal life. But when you're so different that you can't even provide for yourself and you can see inevitable tragedy zooming toward you at the speed of a Japanese bullet train, it's quite a different story.
Still, I'm glad you have learned to cope.
7708662
It was nice talking to you too!
So I made a reading of this.
Is that okay? I mean, it is my first reading, so if I make a few mistakes, I'm open for criticism.
Edit: Don't watch this. My mic wasn't up to par, the sound mixing is awful, and I didn't really convey expression that well, or keep the viewer interested in any way. I might redo this.
I can relate to this.
Almost every night, I jus cry into my pillow and pretend that I actually have someone who's there for me. I really liked this depressing story.
Hope you came out of your funk. Travel the world. Best way to find yourself.