It's usually boring work, maintaining an Equestrian border crossing. Doubly so if you're stationed at the Badlands crossing, with no incoming and a general populace still too busy licking its wounds to try anything funny. But it pays well, so guards tend not to complain.
But then you get the occasional day where everything goes wrong. Where an errant changeling with an attitude and an extremely punchable face tries to waltz past the station with a cart full of contraband, and sticky gross contraband at that.
If the border guard can get out of this one with all of their brain cells, they're definitely applying for a transfer to Ponyville.
Written as a birthday present for Carapace
Chapters (1)
Okay, at first I was worried about the title and how it might have been a spelling error but once I how the story went I ended up laughing my head off.
Ah hah a nice present for Zomg he just saw it in chat, bet hes excited.
Right about there is where I had to start reading all of Smugling's lines in Bane's muffled, unintentionally hilarious voice.
7147006 "Now is not the time for love. That comes later."
So ... does this mean I'm king of Equestria now/soon? Sweet!
Very nice :D
7147078 Well, this story takes place after the Canterlot wedding, and I'm given to understand that Aspire's story is taking place sometime before Nightmare Moon rolls in, so... possibly? Depends on how disillusioned he gets with ponies. I, for one, am perfectly fine with the Rainstorm Twins showing up in Respite.
7147096 Haha, Aspire isn't me, but I got ya ;)
I'm not entirely sure if I could have the Twins show up in Respite, but ... hmm, we can talk. There is an outsider coming though. And Aspire may just find himself caught in her web.
But enough about my story, this one was awesome! I thought you were just gonna go the comedic route and have him get punched in the face, and than that came out of nowhere! Wonder if Twilight will be able to stop us this time, or will all of Equestria be doomed to worship my smugness?
Excellent. :3
7147107 Changelings win. No question. Smug's got a plan.
7147125 Hehehe! Glory to the Smug Hive!
7147134 Love for the love god! Hugs for the hug throne!
7147139 The regime that gives the most infuriatingly mixed emotions: do we hate this dipshit for being smug, or do we love the fact that he demands hugs?
So very fitting. :P
Well that went Whose on first to murder lightning fast.
7147158 Oh, nobody's murdering anybody. They'll live.
I mean, they'll be lumbering brain-dead drones whose only function is to mindlessly love changelings, but they'll live.
Comedy? This is fucking dark slash tragedy. You find this funny somehow? You're sick.
7147510 Well, yes.
Fucking Smug-ass 'ling...
Upvoted.
7147510 Ever heard of black comedy?
Also, as the guy it was written for, I laughed the whole way through.
7147151 It's quite simple really, we love his smugness so much we can't help but hug the bastard.
I caught the joke about his name when I saw the capital S. I was however very intrigued with the whole 'furniture' bit. Very very clever in my mind. I also don't get why anyone jumped on the murder train. We know they feed on love so why would they kill anyone? One pony dead is one less to love them...all in all a very hilarious little read for me. Upvote!
7147684 Nobody's dead.
They're going to be converted into mindless lovers.
7147692
Precisely. Why kill what can love you instead?
Dude. This was genius, beautiful, and all 'round great. This was a smashing one shot. pre14.deviantart.net/b3bd/th/pre/i/2012/153/8/f/smashing_by_missingdatapony-d5224wi.png
Author, I just want to say I love you. I'm throwing Praxis kits at the screen and nothing is happening.
7147692
I'm sorry, but I think that's a contradiction in terms. Love has to have a giver, not just a receiver, and if they've been rendered mindless, there's no giver there. It would be like programming a computer to say 'I love you $_' over and over again; it can repeat the words until the end of time, but there will be no love behind it.
7147992 Because I definitely meant it literally, and wasn't at all simplifying because there's not much point in explaining the mechanics of mental conditioning to someone when all I'm doing is assuring them that nobody died.
7147684 braindead, then.
7147164 murder of the mind is still murder, even if our legal system hasn't grasped that yet.
smug cover pic is smug.
...
that went really dark really quickly.
Looks like I’m as biased towards changelings as ZOMG is.
On the first reading of this sentence, you won’t realise that the the word ‘the’ has been repeated twice.
So Smugling’s playing a compressed variant of Who’s On First?.
7149023 I concur. Very dark—F̨J̴̢̕͝͡A̶͠F̸̛͡J͟͟҉͘Ķ͢͞͡L̷̢͠D̛́͏̧S͏̡͞Ķ̸̵͏́F̀͜͟7̛̀͞͠J̶҉K̡̧͟͠͡F̡̛́͜͡D̴̴̢́͜J̡̨͜—All hai̸l R͜u͝ler͜ ̡S͡mu̧ǵling.͢ Al͞l͠ hail Ru͠l̷e̢r̀ Smuģl͠ing͠.
And yes, I did hide an xkcd (https://xkcd.com/1530) reference above.
7149015 are you really trying to convey your political views onto a work of fiction about a smug changeling?
this is not the time nor the place for that.
Damn, that rapidly went dark. Love the lings personality though.
I want to be one of those twins, there would be so much fun to be had!
Well, that was horrifying. I suppose it's too much to hope for to see Smug get his drawn out and lethal comeuppance?
7151311 Well, the purely theoretical sequel was going to end with him winning, so...
And Equestria was overcome by floods, and those floods were changelings.
This went from fairly fucking funny, to ruined childhood tones so fast I got whiplash.
7147514 its been a while since i have seen a good Black Comedy well done
7152259 Very glad that you enjoyed it!
7149597 Political stance? Huh? No. More like my views on biology/metaphysics/the definition of death. While we need our bodies for our minds to work, it is our minds that make up who we are, moreso than the body. I briefly mentioned the fact our legal system might not view things that way as a premptive measure against any counterargument that tried to base itself on some technical, legal definition of murder. Which, in turn, is a reflection of our relative inability to judge the state of the mind vs the state of the body, which is again more of a medical/technological limitation than a political view.
So, no. My statement has very, very little to do with politics, aside from how almost everything can tie into politics somehow or other.
Well this was nice and hilarious. Good job
Went from comedy to black so quick I completely forgot the comedy was there and had to go find it again lol.
Ah well, suppose that's the point then. Well written so you get ona them there thumbs up.
Is that a reference to the EVE Online fan movies Clear Skies trilogy, or something else? It's the only thing I can think of that it could be referencing.
7154536
Which in turn is in the vein of Who's on First.
7151329 Yikes.
Forgive me for not being excited for that idea.
7147933 XD
7154806 No problem, random stranger.
I.. don't really see the humor here. Someone is carrying out a plot and they're smug about it. They then basically act like a smartass before moving on. The 'Who's on First' routine is just predictable.
Damn, that took a dark turn.
7156077 Are you one of the people who think that's a bad thing, or one of the people who think it's a good thing?
7156085 I don't know what to think of it. It just happened.