This story is a sequel to Equestria Girls: The Rubicon
After moving from Florida, you are to begin your first year at Canterlot High. With a rough middle school career, you’d expect the usual onslaught of bullies, bad teachers, and hard tests. In unknown waters, you would meet strange, newer predators. All that you need to gear up.
You’re wrong … somewhat. Every night, the city you live becomes underfire and your friends act strange the following morning. There answers to uncover, but even then …
Do you believe in magic?
Outside of Anon Blogs: On occasion, there will be a blog post that tells a story outside of your perspective and will be labeled as such and linked here.
Starting Over (Apple Bloom's Perspective)
Pick Up (Big Mac's Perspective)
While a sequel, reading the previous stories isn't required. Instead, let your hosts tell you.
I have at least five story arcs planned, each seven chapters.
As my first second-person story, feedback is encouraged.
Well, here to provide feedback, as promised. Amusingly, I'm actually kind of worried that my own perception is going to mess up the review for future chapters. I actually grew up in Colorado, my dad loves going to Estes Park, so... I might be the wrong person to read this, given the location.
Regardless, a few thoughts. I'm generally not a fan of second person, because I feel like it's got a tendency to shove feelings in the readers face. As such, I tend to be really critical unless they do a really good job conveying the feelings that they tend to say that the reader is feelings. I definitely feel like the first chapter suffers from that. I don't really feel like a lot of the emotions you want us to feel are all that well conveyed. For example, I don't really get 'our' mindset enough for me to actually feel the response to Estes is warranted (and I've actually been there relatively frequently, so that's saying something). As far as thoughts go, making the reader's mindset agree with that of the character's would definitely help the story.
I'll add more thoughts as I go along, but that's the main issue I've got so far.