Shady Steps
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what is this a chrysalis fucks twilight or the other way around
7012280 Read it and find out
7012306 i have a stong suspion it is
this is a great story so far, but I find that you would need to put more punctuations to your sentences and break them down to be smaller.
Interesting. Tracking to see where this goes.
Welp, this is extremely relevant to my interests. Please keep it up!
I love how descriptive you went with the vore and transformation! Very well done and very hot indeed!~
Well I thought I would not like, but I found it rather... hot.
Well im definitely going to hell.
7012538 I am doing my best to improve my work but its a bit of an ongoing thing, most of my improvement comes from the kick in the butt comments like this give me so keep it up
7012982 You wont be disappointed~
7013297 You have good interests!
7013583 And here I was worried I did not do enough! I try to be a detailed as possible while still allowing for ponies to imagine what they can but it is a hard balance, I hope you enjoy what I have planned for chapter two!
7013823 Welcome to pony hell we have sex, friendship and Parties!
Interesting idea, but the constant mechanical errors interrupt the flow.
Just a sampling from the beginning of the story. There's also a whole slew of missing commas. If a sentence is getting long, it probably wants a comma somewhere.
Non-mechanical note: Was knowing what Spike was dreaming really necessary? It seems rather superfluous.
7013823
All of the best people will be there.
7014052 Thanks for this, I am trying to get better and this did point out more then a few errors. As for the spike thing? I have no idea something compelled me to write that.
ChryLight? Instant fav!!!!
So when is a new chapter going to be?
Interesting concept, could use a proof-reader or two though. Keeping an eye on this!
Uh, I'm pretty sure Twilight's NOT gonna be okay with you ruining her life, Chrissy, and turning her into a freak. And considering you were easily creamed by the others before, and only able to ward off anything due to being hopped up on someone else's love...
Interesting chapters, but I feel that it when way too fast in the gathering of male fluids, I think that it would have been better if Twilight/Chrysalis had been more active in selecting the potential sperm donner and her seduction of them, like using pheromones or mind controverting magic, in instead of seemingly just standing there and get rutted so passively.
Possibly the strangest origin for changelings I've ever read.
7023117
Eh, I'm kind of glad it was quick. Save all the interesting stuff for her friends.
7016221 Yeah I am still trying to get a pre reader, good ones are hard to come by
7017911 I don't think Twilights happiness is on her mind right now
7023117 Yeah I spent a while on this chapter trying to find ways of making it more... dynamic? The thing is Gloryholes are hard to write in an active role and I did have a limit of how much time could be spent on the scene in the world, rarity was waiting after all.
7023182 XD yeah I am actually proud of it a little bit, its slightly silly but there is nothing else like it in the fandom as far as I know.
7014072 have you ever heard of something called a comma?
Not really seeing the applicability of the 'romance' tag here...
7024358 It has not come into play yet but just you wait
Applejack next then rainbow dash
Wow. I expected a strange clopfic where Twilight/Chrysalis has sex with friends, and instead got some dominance play followed by some hypnosis leading into a changeling takeover plot. This is rapidly becoming a favorite fic.
I hope we see a bit more resistance from Twilight. Maybe not anything effective, but it's no fun if she's all aboard the rape train so quickly.
7035710 Next chapter should calm things down somewhat, basically the more Twilight feeds on lust the more she is okay with what is going on, as she calms down she becomes mare... critical of her situation.
However this is a romance fic for a reason.
Applejack and Rainbow Dash into hive guardian.
Flutter breeder!
Spike! you should bond spike with a hive guardian!
/aloe and lotus- drone or breeder
Big Mac- Breeder for amusement, or guardian
Mayor Mare- Drone/nurse (nurse so she can help spread things maybe, or drone to help ease the way.)
The flower Trio- Breeders, definitely need to shut them up somehow.
Zecora-- Breeder/nurse... her knowledge of the everfree could be useful too.
Berry punch- Drone, good to keep tabs on the bar/especially the gloryhole portion
Thunderlane-either a drone for pleasure or a breeder for humor.
Caramel- dunno.
Braeburn- if he comes to visit he definitely needs to go back as a nurse or maybe a soldier.
Spitfire- Just because I would love to see her converted to either a soldier... or RD's personal breeder.
Soarin- Soldier or maybe convert spitfire to a soldier and him to a proper breeder... would be amusing
Vinyl and Octavia- Not sure on these too, would be awesome to see... but they have such interesting personality potential it would be a shame to make them completely mindless.... so drones?
As for the next of the main 6... I vote RD! need to ensure her loyalty is properly put to use.
I think Twilight should go see Applejack, and turn her and Big Mac into Hive guardians, Apple Bloom drone along with Granny Smith. and on the way maybe turn Caramel into a Drone.
For Rarity, she should go to Canterlot make Blueblood into a Breeder(her would be her bitch ), FancyPants solider Fleur de Lisse Breeder, Jetset Uppercrust Drones
for RD, she Should be a Warrior, Tunderlane Warrior, Rumble Drone, Clould Kicker Flitter Warriors
Fluttershy Hive Nurse, th Spa sister Breeders, Cheerly Breeder
Pinky Pie should be a Drone, the Cakes should Nurse or Drone along with Pond and Pumpkin
Sunset Shimmer might make an interesting Guardian.
It's not a bad fic at all, but I just couldn't help but notice a lot of 'there's that should be 'their's
e.g. black carapace of "there" body
I would consider finding somebody that will look over and edit your chapters, otherwise they're really good.
Pinkie must become a drone. She's got such a wild and bubbly personality that she'll be up for anything, whatever it is.
Hoh. Let's see.
Rainbow Dash into a Breeder, MacIntosh into a Soldier. They're both strong in their own way, but Big Mac is more level-headed. He's the one you want protecting you. Rainbow Dash, meanwhile, will be perfect to breed a new generation of super-fast Changeling drones! You could even have Mac breed her.
Applejack knows the earth. She's a good Guardian. And she has the hips to get some little ones of her own. Or more than just some...
Fluttershy is perfect in a position where she can care for others, even if said "care" is weird. She could be a Hive Nurse alongside Rarity. They'll have much fun together.
Twisalis won't need to convert many stallions into mares, if any at all. Ponyville is already mostly populated with mares. She could turn most of the stallions into soldiers and still have enough breeders (in any way, shape, or form) to go around. In fact, Soldiers might be rare under normal cirumstances, but perhaps having a strong guard force is a good idea considering how the Mane Six clobbered so many of them back in Canterlot.
I think she should visit Fluttershy next. Fluttershy won't be missed for a while if she's gone, as long as Angel keeps quiet. And Fluttershy has such a sweetly submissive personality, she'll probably submit quite well. We know she'd like to be a pet, and we can suspect she'd like to try out some restraints at some point ("I'd like to be a tree", "I am weak and helpless").
I agree with the Great Derpsby.
I suggest that Twisalis goes next to Rainbow Dash since she is the most dangerous Threat at the Moment.
If the Athletic Mare notices what is going on, Twisalis will have Problems in catching up with her as she will Zooms out to Warn the Celestial Sisters.
So yeah...they should go for Rainbow and make her a Breeder, maybe Twi could invite her for a discussion over the newest book of this Adventure pony (Sorry, forgot the Name...) and give her a spiked drink >:)
Applejack and Bic Mac make splendid Guardians, Fluttershy a wonderfull Nurse (Maybe having her (corrupted?) pets fertilize the eggs within her, Pinkie is plain simple the Perfect drone, she would LOVE to have fun with both Tools.
The Cutiemark Crusaders can be used to lure in other colts and Fillies as well as Perverted Mares and Stallions.
Spike would be a perfect Soldier and, when growing in size, a Guardian. Never underestimate a changeling-Dragon.
Please go on with this!
Considering the concept you have here, I think some hyper-pregnancy would be in order soon. So whoever Twisalis goes after next should totally be a breeder. Maybe Fluttershy, I bet she'd love being a Mommy to hundreds of babies at once.
So... changelings are essentially biological power armor, but Chrysalis want's to make them true creatures by integrating ponies.
Am I getting the just of the idea?
Well done.
7040040 yes that basically covers it.
7036044 7039620 7036205 7036345 7036465 7036512 7036583 7037449 7037764 7038390
Votes for role
RD Guardian 1, AJ Guardian 4, Spike Guardian 1, Sunset Guardian 1
FS Breeder 1, RD Breeder 2
RD Soldier 1
FS Nurse 2
PP Drone 2
Interest
Mane six:
Applejack 4
rainbow dash 5
Flutter Shy 5
Pinkie Pie 3
Background:
Sunset Shimmer
Spike 2
The Cutiemark Crusaders 2
aloe and lotus 2
Big Mac 4
Mayor Mare
The flower Trio
Zecora
Berry punch
Caramel 2
Braeburn
Vinyl and Octavia
Wonderbutts: Spitfire, Soarin, Ect
Canterlot: Blueblood, FancyPants, Fleur de Lisse, Jetset Uppercrust,ect
Ponyville Peagissies: Tunderlane, Rumble, Clould Kicker, Flitter, ect
Some very sexy comments have been left and I have been given a bunch of ideas. I had written a bit of the next chapter already but I will be redoing it and I think it will be much better for that!
This is the final vote this chapter, you can all vote again next chapter to see who is next
With this backstory... one wonders why Chryssi did the whole invasion thing in the first place.
This concept would have worked better as the initial invasion plan which these particular changelings would have assuredly used instead of outright abduction.
7041043 If i had known it was a true vote I'd been more detailed and said more on my thoughts, if its not to late would you mind me doing so?
7041179 sure I am still working on the chapter so feel free to extrapolate :D
7041194
YEAH~! (Put the main sex in because I like to blow air out my mouth, apologizes.)
Firstly Spike is a primary target and needs to be dealt with, closeness and all.
Our dragon benefits and he has a exotic and strong body, add to that since we don't need a hive right away, Rarity has her first mate.
Spike as a Drone is best as they fulfill many rolls and he has the ability to be as flexible to fit them.
Fluttershy as a breeder, pretty obvious reasons, most due to her nature.
Guardian for AppleJack and Big Macintosh, both are naturally built for it so half the work is done, they wont need heavy intelligence. like a soldier would.
Rainbow dash is fast and quick witted, and fit, making her a solider would be a natural pick.
Lastly or at a surprise order for the main members a Drone for Pinkie Pie, as...well placing her as a soldier would be a waste given how much she can work and build. Besides making Pinkie a herm, would be interesting.
As for back ground characters Thunderlane as a Soldier along with Lyra, to be part of Dash's troops.
Bonbon into a breeder, and Nurse Redheart a nurse for puns sake.
also if you generous, Ms.Cake a breeder, and Mr.Cake a drone since hes more unremarkable than anything.
Spike needs to go, that or rainbow dash
Since this story asks me to NOT THINK and just assume Twilight would be okay with betraying her friends for someone who's repeatedly assaulted her and tried to murder her, how about...NO?
Forgive me, but this hits a point where you require a proper grammar and spelling check. Chrysalis was spelt Crysalis multiple times, and a lot of other grammatical punctuation errors.
Also, I get Twilight was stuck within Chrysalis unable to control her actions, but I don't see why she's going along with Chrysalis all of a sudden. Okay, let's just say Chrysalis somehow altered Twilight's thinking far enough to let her go along with it, then fine. This is a story with some potential that tickles some fetishes, but I cannot give it an upvote or any of my favour in it's current state.
I'm sorry to place it so bluntly, but it's current success and attention is probably founded on the fetishes it touches, not the writing or diction presented. I highly recommend getting yourself a pre-reader, or running through your own story.
7041960 Firstly, no one needs to ask you not to think. Secondly, there is no evidence that Chryaslis has attempted to murder anyone at any point of her failed conquest. Finally, Twilights capacity to make informed dissensions is compromised due to her position, this has been reinforced in the story.
Its fine to have problems with the narrative of my story, please come up with a reasonable argument next time.
7042306
What do you call her many, many attempts to kill the Six during the invasion of Canterlot? Or all the stuff she does in the comics? She's not some misguided sort. She's a selfish monster who does things more for the evulz than for her hive. If she honestly cared about them, she would have just approached Celestia and asked nicely for help. Instead she skipped straight to kidnapping, impersonation, attempted murder and forceful take overs.
7042150
I am writing this because I enjoy doing it, I think I need to stress this right off the bat. I do not have a great amount of technical skill in writing due in most part to being largely self taught but I am doing my best to develop that skill but its slow going. This odd precedence that fimfiction readers have that demands a perfectly edited story for it to be worthwhile or gain positive attention regardless of the narrative merit boggles the mind.
While I appreciate comments like yours, I assume you mean well, I can hardly see the value of a comment that simply states that there are errors in a work and that the author should get a pre reader has. Do you assume I have not been looking for a pre reader? I can assure you I have and my skill notwithstanding I have done my best to edit the chapters to a point where I find them to be readable enough to enjoy.
Moreover to end your comment with a statement like this.
Is utterly backhanded and devalues the effort I have put into this story, true enough I require a pre-reader but to imply that the only value in my work is the flight of fetishistic fancy of the readership is very insulting.
Again I appreciate what you are commenting and I hope you do not assume there is malice here.