- Member Since 21st Aug, 2015
- offline last seen Mar 15th, 2018
Wing Nut Kaelon
I am a writer who likes to do first person stories, but not all of them will be. Most of my work revolves around my OC named Wing Nut, but some of it may not. You just never know with me...
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You have my attention.
I'll be honest...I usually tend to actively avoid first-person fics, and I was hesitant at first to give this story a read once I saw that that's what it had been written in.
That being said, boy am I glad I did!
First, the critiques: I did catch a few misuses of words here and there, and maybe a run-on sentence or two. And on a more opinionated note, I think it would be really neat if you decided to write either a sequel or just a few more chapters on this story detailing everyday life for Wing Nut and how it's the same but not because of all of the things that he experienced during the war.
Second, the good stuff: Overall your spelling, grammar, and punctuation were wonderful, and what few mistakes I did come across did not hinder my reading experience whatsoever. Not to mention, you did something that I've so rarely seen demonstrated on this site: proper use of your/you're, there/they're/their, etcetera. I was fully immersed within the story the whole time, and your descriptions were responsible for that! They were able to paint a picture of every scenario that would feel like "slowed-down time," and I liked that you alternated between quick flashes of death and focusing on Wing Nut's murder methods in more detail; the irregular flow of time during an extended fight is something that's not easy to capture, but you've done so quite well! You've managed to do all of this without making me feel like you dragged on and on needlessly, too.
So, in short: Great story, and keep writing! If you get yourself a decent beta reader, your stories will be as close to perfection as any human could manage.