I hope I don't take this long for the next one. I was quite busy lately, so I didn't really get time to write, and when I had time, I had no motivation...
The world needs more TwiSpike. Keep going at it. I like the romantic dreams angle. Oh, and the stories will almost inevitably have different outcomes. (You'll all just have to wait and see.)
BTW, I hope you don't mind if I don't read it till I've finished my story. I'm not reading any TwiSpike shippings till I'm finished with mine, as I don't want any other stories influencing me right now.
807506 Yep, and that's how I got here. Congratulations on that by the way. Now, I really like this story, but i just have one teensy weensy problem. Applejack. Her characterisation is a little off. Not by much, so it doesn't really matter, but may I suggest more abbreviations? And yes, I agree with you on the fact that the world needs more Twi/Spike. Anyway, I'm really enjoying this, and I hope to see more soon ^.^
807466>>807610 I completely agree with that, the world does need more Spikelight....and we gentlemen are going to be the one to bring it to them....weather they want it or NOT!
Also, Cois, you got a few spelling and grammer errors that can easily be corrected, other then that, PINKIE PIE,. WHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!
My brain just became fried, and Rainbow Dash just seems a small amount of OOC, I mean I like the way she speaks but she is more like a tomboy that hates big words rather then...how she acted, ya know?
Ice, meet Cois, you two are both very great Spikelight writers, so I'm hoping you and for all of our sakes keep up the love!!!
The premise is good and the chain of events is ok, but everything is so... well, for lack of a better word, perfect. There is no conflict, no uncertainty, no question about what's going to happen. All their friends support them instantly and unconditionally. It's hard for me to stay interested in such a story.
Also, A lot of the characters lines are significantly different from their normal speech patterns. AJ sounds a lot like Rarity (especially when she says "darling"), and Dash sounds just like Twilight should in most of her lines.
Finally, overall the whole thing feels a bit awkward and rushed. A lot of the scenes could use a bit more filling out.
Sorry for the negative feedback, but I didn't want to leave a down vote without a reason.
This is a very nice idea. The premise for the fic is a rather good one. Also, on a very related note, it has been a while since I've seen a good Spike X Twilight ship.
Spelling errors? WHERE!? I must eliminate! Can't find anything with spell checker that wasn't intentional. (For accent and speaking style.) Please tell me where exactly I can find those pesky mistakes.
On the OOC Rainbow, a lot of that stuff was intentional. ("dose of carbohydrates and saturated fats") Because I feel that since she is a fitness fanatic, she should know about stuff like that. It is true that she doesn't actually speak like that though. Oh, and I personally make a distinction between descriptions of mental states and actual spoken words. Dash will never use the word befuddled, but that does not mean she cannot BE befuddled...
Oh, and Aburi, feedback much appreciated. As someone new to writing stories, it is good to get constructive criticism. Although it is nice to know that I can write well, I do need to know where I can improve. On another note, however, I kind of needed a fic without all the bullshit in it for my own sake. Life has enough drama as it is, and in this particular story, I want to have tons of internal drama inside the characters themselves, but with their friends acting like friends, and helping them out. Now that they have sorted through most of their internal drama, the external drama can be dealt with, in what ever form it may come...
807805 Dude, I'm no editor, but they are really easy to find you just got to look for a bit. Also, I understand what you mean about Rainbow's speech, and I agree, still seems a bit odd but yuor right. Keep going with this.
807850 In the poetry, there is a very definite reason for the repetition of "diamond." Diamond having symbolic meaning including but not limited to: Timelessness, untainted, authentic, indestructible, beautiful, marriage, true love, perfection, formed through intense pressure, thus symbolising passion, resilience, and a whole buck load of other things. The repetition of "you enchant my soul" is for phonetic reasons. A chant being something that is repeated over and over to entrance and/or bewitch. Somewhat related to hypnosis. Not to mention, when said out loud with passion, as it is meant to be, it just sounds right. The poetry was not written for this story originally, but was actually written for a girl I loved. (Note the 'ed'.) I edited it slightly to fit better in the story, but other than that, it is the original. This was the first ever poem I wrote, and although it is not my best poem, especially since it is the first poem I've ever wrote, it holds much meaning to me.
On the story itself. I agree the first bit was rushed, overly short, and a whole lot of other things. A lot of emotions that I intended to convey where not conveyed successfully, it was far to short, and all in all could have been better. Up until this story, I was entirely unaccustomed to any peace of writing bigger than an shortish essay or a sketch, and moderately short articles. The longest peace of fiction I have yet to write before this, was under 600 words. (And very, very bad.) Originally this was going to be "Twilight found Spike's poetry and then they bucked messily and passionately" but it became a much bigger work than I expected. When I am completely finished with it, then I might expand the first few chapters into something more significant. Right now though, I'm just writing and posting one scene at a time. In the end I might merge chapters, edit chapters, and who knows what.
808287 It is actually not in an English format. That might be why some people find it a bit off. It is actually a Japanese form of verse, without rhyme or metre. It is not an English, or even European form of poetry at all. It is Haiku, which, when written in English, consists of 5 syllables followed by 7, followed by 5. In it's original Japanese form, it is written in something they call ho, which is similar to syllables, but not quite the same thing.
Edit: And I would like to add that not all "haiku" written in English follows the strict 5:7:5 format, often writing anything with 17 syllables or less, and calling that "haiku", due to the difficulty in writing coherently in this format. Also, a single 5:7:5 peace is considered one haiku, normally written by itself as a single "poem". I merged 13 haiku's to form a single whole.
807850 Actually now that you mention it, yes I do have that problem with music. I certainly enjoy music but I rarely understand what the song is trying to convey.
807646 Yes, I know the feeling. That's why I find it so easy to write as Rarity. I don't even have to think when doing that. Applejack is more complex. You have to think about what words she would abbriviate, and when she would say something country like.
810631 Don't worry, I will expand those chapters, A LOT. But first, I want to complete the story. You will notice all the chapters after the second one gets longer and longer.
I'm in the middle of exams right now, and I just got news that all my tasks, which have to be in by next friday, needs to be in HAND WRITING! Now I need to write 300 pages over by Friday, and I still have two tests I need to finish. My hands are cramping.
But soon I'll have vacation. And then I can write more.
I am editing all the chapters. The first three chapters where merged, and I'm thinking of merging the next two as well. Proofreading done courtesy of Meeester.
Ok, so everything is merged down till 4 reasonably sized chapters. I would still like to work on the first chapter though, extend it a bit... But I think it is a whole lot better as it is here already.
844366 Let me elaborate on my own head canon that gave rise to this story: I've personally saw the pair to have more of a little brother-big sister relationship in the first few episodes, and in season 1 in general, but in season 2, I've seen a deep friendship, bordering on a bond you might have with a soul mate, developing, especially as Spike's character developed to a more mature one. In the first season he seemed to be a typical mid-teen kid, with twilight as a late teen, just-out-of-school, big sister figure. In season 2, I've seen Spike more as a late teen character, maturing in a lot of ways, and evolving as more of a friend and soul mate to Twilight, and Twilight as more of a supporting older friend, than a mother. She of course still has a motherly instinct towards him, having brought him up, but it is subdued a lot. One of the episodes that solidified Twilight as a supportive figure instead of a mother figure, was the Episode 21, dragon quest. Twilight reacted more as a friend would, than a mother, even though it was expected of her to act like a mother by her friends. I just took it a bit further in this story and my head canon, and added a deep seated, yet unconscious, romantic love between the two to add to that which was already apparent to me in the original story. Also, in the second season I've seen Spike's infatuation with Rarity changing in character after Secret of my excess. After that episode, it seemed to become more and more admiration, rather than infatuation. The combination of these factors made me realise that Spike and Twilight is not only a plausible couple, but an ideal one. (My own preference for woman a few years older than me obviously also had an effect on this...)
Don't worry, another in your face chapter coming up soon.
I tried to use the pretence that the love was there all along, and what really happened was not just the two suddenly falling in love for no good reason, but more of the result of repressed emotion exploding after being bottled up for far to long. Think of what would happen if you shake a can of soda over and over and over again, and then crack it open. I kind of wrote the first chapter purely out of impulse; out of my own explosion of repressed emotion.
So, um, new chapter.
I hope I don't take this long for the next one. I was quite busy lately, so I didn't really get time to write, and when I had time, I had no motivation...
On another note; 6,660 words. Dum dum daaa.
Cliffhanger great next update please
B-B-But I just... http://www.fimfiction.net/story/34286/The-Twilights-of-Our-Hearts *Face desk*
807421 Keep going even if the ideas are similar there still different paths and outcomes.
807460 Thanks Rainbow Spike.
807466
807421
The world needs more TwiSpike.
Keep going at it.
I like the romantic dreams angle.
Oh, and the stories will almost inevitably have different outcomes. (You'll all just have to wait and see.)
BTW, I hope you don't mind if I don't read it till I've finished my story. I'm not reading any TwiSpike shippings till I'm finished with mine, as I don't want any other stories influencing me right now.
807482 I SALUTE YOU SPILIGHT SUPPORTER! *Soviet Twilight Salute*
And yeah more than likely...
HOLY SHIT I'M FEATURED!
807506 Yep, and that's how I got here. Congratulations on that by the way. Now, I really like this story, but i just have one teensy weensy problem. Applejack. Her characterisation is a little off. Not by much, so it doesn't really matter, but may I suggest more abbreviations?
And yes, I agree with you on the fact that the world needs more Twi/Spike. Anyway, I'm really enjoying this, and I hope to see more soon ^.^
MUST COMMENT: Brain full of buck. IS BEST REFERENCE
807506 That's how I found out about this...
807539
Yea, I know about that. I tried harder with Applebloom... My inner grammar nazi doesn't like typing in a southern accent.
807466>>807610 I completely agree with that, the world does need more Spikelight....and we gentlemen are going to be the one to bring it to them....weather they want it or NOT!
Also, Cois, you got a few spelling and grammer errors that can easily be corrected, other then that, PINKIE PIE,. WHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!
My brain just became fried, and Rainbow Dash just seems a small amount of OOC, I mean I like the way she speaks but she is more like a tomboy that hates big words rather then...how she acted, ya know?
Ice, meet Cois, you two are both very great Spikelight writers, so I'm hoping you and for all of our sakes keep up the love!!!
I'm afraid I can't really enjoy this fic.
The premise is good and the chain of events is ok, but everything is so... well, for lack of a better word, perfect. There is no conflict, no uncertainty, no question about what's going to happen. All their friends support them instantly and unconditionally. It's hard for me to stay interested in such a story.
Also, A lot of the characters lines are significantly different from their normal speech patterns. AJ sounds a lot like Rarity (especially when she says "darling"), and Dash sounds just like Twilight should in most of her lines.
Finally, overall the whole thing feels a bit awkward and rushed. A lot of the scenes could use a bit more filling out.
Sorry for the negative feedback, but I didn't want to leave a down vote without a reason.
This is a very nice idea.
The premise for the fic is a rather good one. Also, on a very related note, it has been a while since I've seen a good Spike X Twilight ship.
807672
Spelling errors?
WHERE!? I must eliminate! Can't find anything with spell checker that wasn't intentional. (For accent and speaking style.) Please tell me where exactly I can find those pesky mistakes.
On the OOC Rainbow, a lot of that stuff was intentional. ("dose of carbohydrates and saturated fats") Because I feel that since she is a fitness fanatic, she should know about stuff like that. It is true that she doesn't actually speak like that though. Oh, and I personally make a distinction between descriptions of mental states and actual spoken words. Dash will never use the word befuddled, but that does not mean she cannot BE befuddled...
Oh, and Aburi, feedback much appreciated. As someone new to writing stories, it is good to get constructive criticism. Although it is nice to know that I can write well, I do need to know where I can improve. On another note, however, I kind of needed a fic without all the bullshit in it for my own sake. Life has enough drama as it is, and in this particular story, I want to have tons of internal drama inside the characters themselves, but with their friends acting like friends, and helping them out. Now that they have sorted through most of their internal drama, the external drama can be dealt with, in what ever form it may come...
807805 Dude, I'm no editor, but they are really easy to find you just got to look for a bit. Also, I understand what you mean about Rainbow's speech, and I agree, still seems a bit odd but yuor right. Keep going with this.
This is a really cute story, and I'm looking forward to the non-party-shindig thingy.
807850
In the poetry, there is a very definite reason for the repetition of "diamond." Diamond having symbolic meaning including but not limited to: Timelessness, untainted, authentic, indestructible, beautiful, marriage, true love, perfection, formed through intense pressure, thus symbolising passion, resilience, and a whole buck load of other things.
The repetition of "you enchant my soul" is for phonetic reasons. A chant being something that is repeated over and over to entrance and/or bewitch. Somewhat related to hypnosis. Not to mention, when said out loud with passion, as it is meant to be, it just sounds right. The poetry was not written for this story originally, but was actually written for a girl I loved. (Note the 'ed'.) I edited it slightly to fit better in the story, but other than that, it is the original. This was the first ever poem I wrote, and although it is not my best poem, especially since it is the first poem I've ever wrote, it holds much meaning to me.
On the story itself. I agree the first bit was rushed, overly short, and a whole lot of other things. A lot of emotions that I intended to convey where not conveyed successfully, it was far to short, and all in all could have been better. Up until this story, I was entirely unaccustomed to any peace of writing bigger than an shortish essay or a sketch, and moderately short articles. The longest peace of fiction I have yet to write before this, was under 600 words. (And very, very bad.) Originally this was going to be "Twilight found Spike's poetry and then they bucked messily and passionately" but it became a much bigger work than I expected. When I am completely finished with it, then I might expand the first few chapters into something more significant. Right now though, I'm just writing and posting one scene at a time. In the end I might merge chapters, edit chapters, and who knows what.
this looks interesting... I await the next chapter
808287
It is actually not in an English format. That might be why some people find it a bit off. It is actually a Japanese form of verse, without rhyme or metre. It is not an English, or even European form of poetry at all. It is Haiku, which, when written in English, consists of 5 syllables followed by 7, followed by 5. In it's original Japanese form, it is written in something they call ho, which is similar to syllables, but not quite the same thing.
Edit: And I would like to add that not all "haiku" written in English follows the strict 5:7:5 format, often writing anything with 17 syllables or less, and calling that "haiku", due to the difficulty in writing coherently in this format. Also, a single 5:7:5 peace is considered one haiku, normally written by itself as a single "poem". I merged 13 haiku's to form a single whole.
807850
Actually now that you mention it, yes I do have that problem with music. I certainly enjoy music but I rarely understand what the song is trying to convey.
redcamper.com/roadlog/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/yespleasemore.jpg
807646 Yes, I know the feeling. That's why I find it so easy to write as Rarity. I don't even have to think when doing that. Applejack is more complex. You have to think about what words she would abbriviate, and when she would say something country like.
810631
Don't worry, I will expand those chapters, A LOT. But first, I want to complete the story. You will notice all the chapters after the second one gets longer and longer.
812871 Good as it should be, FOR THE LOVE OF SPIKELIGHT PLEASE WRITE MORE!!!!
I'm in the middle of exams right now, and I just got news that all my tasks, which have to be in by next friday, needs to be in HAND WRITING! Now I need to write 300 pages over by Friday, and I still have two tests I need to finish.
My hands are cramping.
But soon I'll have vacation. And then I can write more.
I am editing all the chapters. The first three chapters where merged, and I'm thinking of merging the next two as well. Proofreading done courtesy of Meeester.
Ok, so everything is merged down till 4 reasonably sized chapters. I would still like to work on the first chapter though, extend it a bit... But I think it is a whole lot better as it is here already.
844366 Let me elaborate on my own head canon that gave rise to this story: I've personally saw the pair to have more of a little brother-big sister relationship in the first few episodes, and in season 1 in general, but in season 2, I've seen a deep friendship, bordering on a bond you might have with a soul mate, developing, especially as Spike's character developed to a more mature one. In the first season he seemed to be a typical mid-teen kid, with twilight as a late teen, just-out-of-school, big sister figure. In season 2, I've seen Spike more as a late teen character, maturing in a lot of ways, and evolving as more of a friend and soul mate to Twilight, and Twilight as more of a supporting older friend, than a mother. She of course still has a motherly instinct towards him, having brought him up, but it is subdued a lot. One of the episodes that solidified Twilight as a supportive figure instead of a mother figure, was the Episode 21, dragon quest. Twilight reacted more as a friend would, than a mother, even though it was expected of her to act like a mother by her friends. I just took it a bit further in this story and my head canon, and added a deep seated, yet unconscious, romantic love between the two to add to that which was already apparent to me in the original story. Also, in the second season I've seen Spike's infatuation with Rarity changing in character after Secret of my excess. After that episode, it seemed to become more and more admiration, rather than infatuation. The combination of these factors made me realise that Spike and Twilight is not only a plausible couple, but an ideal one. (My own preference for woman a few years older than me obviously also had an effect on this...)
SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAATTTTTTIIIIIOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL WUUUUHHH
I got that exact picture in a previous comment.
But yea, I know, it was pretty in your face...
Don't worry, another in your face chapter coming up soon.
I tried to use the pretence that the love was there all along, and what really happened was not just the two suddenly falling in love for no good reason, but more of the result of repressed emotion exploding after being bottled up for far to long. Think of what would happen if you shake a can of soda over and over and over again, and then crack it open. I kind of wrote the first chapter purely out of impulse; out of my own explosion of repressed emotion.