While doing your morning walk routine in a grassy field near Ponyville, Rainbow Dash, the pony you've best known since you arrived Equestria, hits you right in the face, but this unexpected accident is going to make your relationship go a step forward.
Inspired by a dream I had.
Popular from April 21-23
Umm, this is kinda rushed, but sill good.
You really need to edit this. Some sentences don't make sense. I know Dash is the Element of Loyalty but being knocked out with a bloody nose doesn't seem right. Dash should have gotten help. This was very rushed.
Its alright
This is kind of a rushed story but if you fixed the sentences then I would definitely keep reading.
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Hello all of you. If you think I wrote something wrong (and I did ). Woud you be wiling to help me fix those? I am not really good at english, so I will be thankful if someone is willing to help me
7150728 Yeah I could help you, Icll send my email in a PM
Wow, this was inspired by a dream? Must have been some dream then eh? We need some backstory on that dream. Also how the hell did you make that 'weird' face? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
7291246 Well when I woke up, I was lying on the ground ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Enough backstory!
7294206 heh
The concept it's not bad and while there isn't much to it, it was inspired by a dream, it can still have some potential, some dialog choices feels awkward and it would be better if instead of saying exactly what anon thought, you say the idea of what he thought. Example:
To
there are a few other moments similar, but I think that overall the story can get a pass, I recommend you to read this story in a later time so you can find a few more details that may need to be fixed.
7342321 Yes, I will, thank ya :)
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nice. the bloody gore was satisfying my need for bloody scene yet the romance is pretty much strong on this one, keep up the good work!
7352285 Thank you! Finally somebody understands the point of this story! :D
7352305
yeah, you only need the right person and the presentation to make it nice
7149162 You are correct. Getting hit very hard on the nose doesn't knock you out. It kills you by forcing the cartilage and bone that makes up your nose back into your brain.
7424861 k
Well... it could use a little improvement, but... yeah, it's decent.
I see a few grammatical errors, and the whole thing feels a little rushed. But it's a good story.
Wow did you see that!!?? She was like...
ci.memecdn.com/1877809_t.gif
That must have been one crazy dream.