For Rainbow Dash, seeing is believing. When her friend Twilight Sparkle told her that "electricity is harmful to humans with enough likelihood that you should definitely not zap Anon with lightning bolts", she didn't listen. After all from the two of them, it was Dash who saw more creatures zapped with lightning. Most of those occurrences were her doing as well. And so she decided to knock down two apples with one stone - teach her book loving friend a lesson about who the real weather expert is, and cure the local oddity that was Anonymous the Human from his irrational fear. Oh, and of course have a blast doing it.
Things don't exactly go according to her plan however, and she ends up creating a bigger mess than she could comprehend - not only for herself and her target, but also a certain somepony who will have to abandon her ancient traditions and improvise on the spot.
Formerly marked mature for uncouth language and the death theme. I now have an actual 'death' tag though, so I dropped it down.
Merithorical proofreading and non-constructive feedback: Anoridan and Void Whisperer
Nitpicking and comma insertion: abronie
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Would have been much better had it been edited fully. There were a few issues I saw here and there.
I liked the story fairly well. It feels like an older story that I would have read when I first joined Fimfiction. Most stories just don't read like they used to. Regardless, I'm eager to see where this goes.
I am distinctly interested in where this is going. Especially due to how much I like this Equestria's iteration of death and the afterlife, and how it doesn't really apply to the resident human.
Also, I'd like to offer my services as an editor, as while the story is great, those little errors slightly detract from it.
I really like this!
Colored.
Is she an alicorn or unicorn? Terms of both are interspersed throughout.
Before I jump into this, why is it tagged 'mature'?
8150202 I'm assuming, death. She was warned electricity is NOT safe for humans. She *didn't listen*
Oh for chrissakes.
So Rainbow Dash is an enourmous cunt, and pretty much commited murder. Oh boy, here we go.
Before I start, I remember reading something along the lines of this description on /mlp/. I might even have the pastebin saved somewhere, It wasn't complete at the time, is this the finished product?
...am I the only one shipping Death and Anon?
Is it weird that I ship Anon and Ivory now?
8150345 right when I post my comment I refresh and see yours. XD
You are not alone in this.
What about non-ponies in Equestria? The way you described this is that all creatures must have there own reaper, like gryphons and what not.
Interesting premise I guess, but it's a shame this is another generic Anon. It's not even the name per se, just that all Anons are the same character. They are none too bright, kind of annoying, quick to anger or annoyance, constantly make stupid nicknames for ponies, and really lack all defining features, skills, or talents, but still get plenty of special treatment and love.
And now this one has a borderline superpower. Great.
Someone do an alternative where Anon stays dead indefinitely and Rainbow Dash is charged with voluntary/involuntary manslaughter (tough to say since she did purposefully strike him with lightning after being told it would be fatal, but she never intended to harm him.)
P.S.
In case people are wondering about the difference, voluntary manslaughter is when you are trying to hurt someone, like in a bar fight, and don't intend to kill them, but end up doing so on accident.
Involuntary is when you do something with no intent to harm, but are still at fault such as a drunk driver hitting someone.
First degree murder is premeditated, as in you planned it out before hand, and second degree is when you killed someone purposefully, but it was not planned and simply spur of the moment.
8150193
It is at this point when the character realizes she is an alicorn, and considers her as such in his narration from then on.
Generally, I steer clear of the second person, but I thought to myself "Well shit, this looks different." Now I want more.
Fuck sake
Sweet
8150218 Ah, okay, that'll do it.
8150345
A la Deadpool and Lady Death? Yeah, I can see it but I'll hold on embarking for now.
Bloody good stuff.
This gonna be a short story or something longer?
8150356
I'd go for the first-degree murder if I were to decide.
If someone, their doctor, and their family tell you "X is deathly allergic to peanuts, keep them away from him." You then decide to force-feed him peanuts whilst he is actively resisting you and saying "Stop, this will kill me." Despite all of this you force peanuts down his throat, because "Peanuts can't kill people silly! I know cause I'm a peanut farmer!" He then goes into anaphylactic shock and dies.
That is 100% murder.
Ignorance is not a defense, neither is such blatant and stubborn stupidity in an otherwise perfectly well individual.
In addition; since she's been stalking and chasing him with a thundercloud for an unspecified amount of time already it's also premeditated.
Best I'd hope for defence-wise would be to get it downgraded to from murder to manslaughter or get her found not mentally fit and have her committed.
Then again, I'm no lawyer so what do I know.
P.s: Regarding your request, I recall a story wherein the Anon trolls RD to the extent that she chases him at Sonic Rainboom speeds. The result when she catches him is rather more realistic than in most fics in its depiction of "Supersonic-speed projectile vs. human body" and the results ensuing (Gibs and splatter occur). It is still a one-shot (dark) comedy fic but roughly matches what you're after.
Well this is unique. I like.
Amazing.
I'm really liking where this is going. Keep up the good work. I will be waiting for more.
8150193 I spell centre, armour and coloured, and there's nothing you can do to stop me. sips tea
And as 8150397 said, the narrator was not aware of her being an alicorn before that point.
8150331 Odds are it was me that time too. The thread that was created around it (accidental murder prompt) has died out though, and I struggled to find a place to post it. It currently has 4 chapters written, so it's not finished. I have a better idea of where I want it to go though.
8150621 Don't expect ASoIaF size, but it should have a good few chapters.
8150964 Haven't yet read this, but am glad you spell things the
correctBritish way. Although looking at the comment you replied to, you had misspelt it because the quote is Colorued which is definitely wrong, no matter the nationality. Will read this soon.8151010 Oh. Oooh. I was wondering why it insisted on correcting it to "rose-coloured" all the time.
puu.sh/vKvo3/0c8c66dfb5.png
8150964 I don't care how British you are... "colorued" is still wrong... and would be pronounced "co-lo-rued" as in "That bitch Co Lo rued the day she crossed me!"
8151023
Yeah, like those other guys said, I mainly wanted to point out the misspelling, not some kind of spelling war. Didn't put colo-u-red cause my phone has decided that is wrong every time I type it and changes it to the American spelling. (and frankly despite being American I prefer a lot of the British spellings, like the above stated armour.)
Really interesting premise, I'm looking forward to more.
8151061 I realise that, but saw that he didn't notice what was wrong, so I pointed it out in as friendly a way as possible. Unlike some people would have.
I'm so following this. Oh so much.
Also, I bet his deaths will become dates once they get to know each other more. I put my money on the fifth one
1 Upvote on the probability that once he does return to his body after they realize he's dead, that one of them will turn and kick him right back to the beyond.
Not bad. I'd be lying if I said the I wasn't interested in where this will go next.
I like it!
Huh? So this fic can be found somewhere else?
8151621 Not exactly. Initially the story was being created elsewhere, but it never finished and went on a hiatus. I am revisiting it now, trying to improve already existing material and expand upon it.
Moist.
I'm in, Fav'd
woohoo! 300 likes nice I am glad I could be that number!
Well done, AT.
Now about this script...
Good to see you've picked this little script back up.
I enjoyed it back until you dropped it.
8151947 I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about. How about you try contacting the lead writer instead, maybe he will be of some help.
8152107 I shall give the man in the mirror downstairs a notice to be sure.
Man, this is great.
Ooh, me likey.
I'm kind of upset I never read it before, but I'm glad to be, now that it's back. I'm loving it. But who wouldn't? I wonder how Rain
This'll definitely be interesting, let's see where it leads.
cuntbow reacts to finding Anon dead though.8150657 per the rules of the internet you will have to link it.
Nothing more ominous than Death, herself saying "see you soon".
8152339
Well, well, well...