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Driven by an intense Warp storm, a Rogue Trader vessel finds itself crippled and stranded above a world no human has ever visited. The natives are friendly; can the visitors say the same? A Warhammer 40k/Friendship is Magic crossover. Yes, really
(12/02 added epilogue to last chapter)
No, I haven't submitted it to Edaily. A quick glance at the submissions page says, "no gore" and "avoid Warhammer 40k," and since there's a fair degree of violence here, and 40k is definitely involved, I suspect it would simply be rejected out of hand.
Glad you enjoyed it, though!
Despite my relative unfamiliarity with the Warhammer 40k universe (basically all I know is from the Warhammer wiki), I really like this crossover. It's got a great story, your characterization of the mane cast is spot on, and I especially like your Celestia/Luna interaction. In hindsight, it actually makes a lot of sense that the elements are general purpose anti-chaos weapons (MLP canon never really explains why they exist in the first place).
I think there's room for a short epilogue, though! Keep up the superb writing!
It does seem to end with several things unanswered. I for one was looking forward to a possible meeting between the humans and the Princesses. What is Luna's reaction to finding out what happened to the emperor? That and the humans haven't actually gotten their materials. What did the ponies get in return? Do the bearers go to earth? (probably not) Are you planning on writing a sequel because I never really got to see a lot of the stuff you started wrapped up.
This is what made this story the only Warhammer MLP crossover that was valid in my eyes. In making Celestia's mere presence equal to that of the Emperor, you stopped the inevitable slaughterfest that most Warhammer crossovers degrade into, and remained true to both series in tone.
Wonderful epilogue. I almost didn't see it since it's still put into Chapter 11, though (maybe make it a separate chapter?). I was wondering how Luna would react to the news about the God-Emperor's fate. Will we ever find out more about how the emperor and the princesses reacted, and why Celestia distrusted him?
(experimenting with multiquote)
Heh, well, that, combined with the fact that I'm using a group of traders that are extremely liberal by IoM standards, and used to dealing with xenos in a non-exterminatus manner. (Though that revelation was enough to take the brute force approach completely off the table) The tone was honestly the most difficult part of this story, since the two universes are absolute polar opposites. I'm glad you approve, though!
Thank you! I didn't want to add another chapter, since the epilogue's only ~2k words, and I was embarrassed enough about the eleventh chapter being that short already, so I just edited it in rather than adding another dinky little chapter. As for why Celestia distrusted the GEoM? Well, he was more interventionist than she was really comfortable with, and she disagreed with some of his advice. (Remember, the comment about him giving good advice came from Luna, who liked and trusted him. Celestia would disagree, to an extent)
Awesome, great to hear! Thanks!
Genius.
I rarely ever comment in the first chapter of a story, but I had to this time. This is the very definition of a diamond in the rust. You are either a very talented writer, or put a lot of time and effort into this story. I suspect both.
In either case, I just wanted you to know how much I appreciate this story already... I'm not even a particularly big fan of the 40k, universe... Though, I do know enough to understand what's happening.
Thank you! I'm certainly glad you're enjoying it!
Be warned, however, that the "dark" tag is there for a reason, and half of that reason is chapter 2. It's not as bad as it could be, though!
(Also, WTF? Spambots? Removed a comment that seemed to be an ad.)
Just finished the final chapter and my first impression remains unchanged. If anything, you managed to improve on it.
I have to say, this story deserves not a 10th of a star less than the perfect 5 it has so far.
This would normally be the part where I would post any lingering constructive critiques that jumped out at me throughout the story, but I've found myself at a loss for words. Not that I'm claiming any form of expertise... I'm sure a professional editor would have a suggestion or two. Maybe...
I really liked the story, is what I'm saying. Please, please, please continue writing.
I cried.
I honest-to-Omnissiah cried gratuitous tears of great sadness. No other piece of written work, save a few published books by my most highly regarded authors, has ever managed to tug my heart quite such as this. Your other story, The Dread Chitin, also had a similar effect on me; it was not as tragic, but powerful nonetheless. I dearly cherish this story as one of the best fanfictions I have ever read.
By Russ and The Allfather, whom you would call the Emperor. THIS. WAS. EPIC.
I Salute You! *Fist to Grey-armoured torso*
I will admit to being a shade worried when I started, and around chapter two. But you took the epitome of 'GrimDark' and wove it perfectly into what I consider to be the incarnation of 'Sweetness and Light'. Very Well Done.
I honestly can't express how pleased I am that people enjoy this little piece; thanks, all of you, for taking the time to let me know!
Heh, all she did (it was Luna, not Celestia, actually) was nudge a servitor so it turned this way instead of that to get where it was going; no tech-priests or control involved. That group of battle-servitors still got to the same place at about the same time, they just took a slightly different route to get there.
Confused out of my bleeding mind? Hells yes.
Reading it anyway because that's how I felt the first time reading The Dread Chitin, and that one made it into my top 5. Also, dat RD tag makes me think she plays a significant role here, which is usually a prerequisite of my enjoying a story. ONWARD!
THESE FOOLISH INVADERS DUN GOOF'D WHEN THEY RIPPED THE VEIL, AND THE PRINCESSES ARE GONNA SIC THE SPACE POLICE ON THEIR ASSES... THE CONSEQUENCES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!!!
Thanks for a truly fantastic story. The writing is very solid throughout, and the plot is excellent. Most of all, I'm impressed that you were able to simultaneously stay so true to the character and feel of both WH40k and FiM. Both sides feel very "original flavor," and you've somehow managed to match the Grimdark of WH40k to the much lighter world of FiM in a way that feels both natural and compelling. Bravo. I'll be reading anything else you write.
I'm a little surprised I didn't come across this story sooner. I thought I'd read all the good 40k/MLP crossovers, at least until I found this one.
Pretty phenomenal. Your prose is very easy to read, and is very evocative. The characters were well done as well; established ones were well-grounded in canon, and developed organically, while you OCs were nicely rounded. They might have been a little quick to make friends with Xenos (especially the priest), but otherwise this type of story gets to be impossible. I also felt like your action scenes were almost Black Library quality: I could easily visualize what was happening, and it had a visceral feel to it. You are clearly a writer with many strengths.
Some critiques:
Some of the dialogue was a bit too expository. It was most glaring when Seria started explaining Imperial world classifications to Twilight. Not terribly important to the plot, and whatever it revealed to/about the characters probably could have been done easier, better and more quickly another way.
The plot took too long to really coalesce. It was obvious reasonably early that something was up with Tangro (I thought he was a Blank at first, given the frequently mentioned creepyness), and that Tersiaard was going to try to dissect a pegasus at some point; but before chapter ten, there really wasn't an apparent conflict that needed resolving. Just "hey look, Imperials are hanging out with ponies!" I didn't feel like it was going anywhere, like everyone was standing around, talking and dancing until something interesting happened.
Also, you kept referring to Twilight as "the academic." I know that's an accurate label, and it might just be me, but I found it annoying for some reason. Maybe you used it too often for my tastes.
Still, this may be the best 40k crossover I've read. I haven't decided yet. Certainly in the top 3, and it beats the pants off of mine. My thanks and praise to you for writing it.
Thought for the Day: As light is unto darkness, so is Harmony unto Chaos. When it shines in our hearts, none can oppose us.
Ave Imperatrix Celestialis
Sooo... Karazor.
Your fic was translated into Russian, posted on Darkpony.ru and gained quite a bit views - 1\3 or so - from russian bronies. Just thought you need to know :D
Heh, you probably have read all the good crossovers! :-P Thanks, though, it's nice to know that another 40k crossover writer enjoyed my work! The Imperials in this story probably were a bit quick to get friendly, but, well, they're Rogue Traders. They've dealt with aliens before, in a non-hostile manner to boot, and they're all hilarious flaming liberals by IoM standards.
Thanks for the critique, too. Pacing is my biggest problem as a writer, (well, apart from endings which I suck terribly at) I'm extremely ponderous and I know it, though I'm trying to improve in that area. No sign of improvement yet, though! Part of the problem is that I am my own editor and proofreader, so I depend on myself to tell me when a scene's going on too long, and I'm not the most reliable in that area so I constantly let me down. :-P I do hope that the action scenes were at least good enough to make up for the time it took me to reach them!
I actually thought I might be telegraphing a bit much with Tangro; I'm pleased that his villain-hood wasn't quite as obvious as I was thinking I'd made it. Every one of the Imperial main characters had at least one secret, and poor Tangro's was that he was a psyker, and had managed to keep that fact hidden. He was dead before his first appearance in chapter three, which is why he was so careful not to touch any of the Element bearers or the astropath.
I did know about that, actually; I'd glanced at the stats page a few weeks ago and made that discovery. I lack the vocabulary to properly express how flattered I feel that someone took the time to actually translate my little story. Not only that, he took the extra effort to add cover art for every chapter, and clip art in a couple of places to clarify the things I was talking about, and even a music clip during the dancing scene! Heck, he put more effort into it than I did! I'm sincerely, truly, deeply flattered, and I'm pleased that people enjoyed it that much! It makes me wish I could read Russian, so I could thank... I think the translator's name is YoshkinCat?
No, he's proofreader. Translator is Многорукий Удав (Constrictor). I think he'll be pleased that you praised him so much. He did put a lot of effort to properly and fully translate and decorate each chapter. But, of course, without you all of it won't happen :D
Read this finally in anticipation of reading TDC sequel.
Wouldn't change a thing. (Well Twi could be a bit more of a nerd.)
You brought all the grimdark that was expected, kept intact only what was needed (demon to make the ponies understand chaos and the behir to battle bond them with the humans) and completely subverted the rest (You used dark humor to subvert a pony vivisection. A pony vivisection. You made THAT OK. That is not just good writing, that is a f***ing masterstroke of tightrope walking scene crafting.) while never truly deviating from the satirically dark morality that makes 40K what it is (Well except from that dance scene. That was just diabetes inducing. But death by sweetness just makes it more ironic.
).
This comment is really long overdue, but I suppose better late than never.
"A Foul Light Shines" was the very first MLP fanfiction I've ever read. What's funnier, it also was pretty much the first FiM-related thing I've touched.
Before reading this story, I... read a Wiki article on ponies? Caught a glimpse of the pilot episode, maybe? Or did I? I honestly don't remember now. What I know for a fact is that I was a lot better versed in the W40k lore than in the MLP universe at the moment.
You can imagine that reading your story, back then, was a rather interesting experience. The thoughts passing through my mind were, perhaps, quite similar to what the crew of Lux Foedus experienced. Rainbow's obsession with any kind of soldiers on guard duty, Fluttershy's timidness, just two words - Pinkie Pie, and other pony antics were about as bizarre to me as they would've been to them. Things a better prepared reader could've anticipated came to me as completely unexpected.
Of course, that also meant a ton of jokes and references just went over my head. But, you know what? That didn't spoil the impression in the slightest. I got instantly hooked by the story, I loved the characters, I wanted to know more about them and about the world the events took place in, and... Well, here I am now. I can't really think of a better compliment to you as an author.
So...
Curse you, carrier of the pony virus! Thank you, Karazor, for getting me into MLP: FiM. That is something I will not forget.
One of the few 40K/MLP crossovers I really like. Both sides are in character, it is for the most part well written, and it has a happy ending. Most of the imperial characters were well done (though some stayed too deep in the background to really build a connection to them) and the plot twist was great, not only was the villain's plan good but the foreshadowing signs only reveal their significance after the reveal. I really liked the priest, the astropath and the magus.
Why, thank you. I'm always pleased to hear that someone's enjoyed my work.
And thank you as well!
Glad you enjoyed it too! (Yeah, Twilight was a little less of a nerd than usual, mostly because she was under enormous pressure to not screw up, knowing that Celestia was depending on her) I'm also pleased that I managed not to go too far with certain scenes, which easily could have gone too far. Fun fact: that dancing scene wasn't in my original story plan, it just sort of happened. I liked it because it pulled the mood a little lighter; a sort of counterpoint to the daemon in chapter 2 and Rainbow's near-breakdown in chapter 3. It was hard to keep the mood balanced!
Goodness, really? I'm flattered! I'm actually doubly flattered that a fan of 40k who wasn't already a fan of FiM could enjoy this story; I'd figured most 40kers would hate it, especially since the overall tone is slanted more toward the positive.
I've always felt that the characters are the strongest part of FiM, and I try to do them justice when I write. (There's some I have problems with, namely Pinkie and Fluttershy, but I try) I'm pleased that you enjoyed my presentation of them enough to give the real version a try! And thanks, for letting me know your thoughts. I write primarily for my own enjoyment, but it does make me happy to hear that someone else has enjoyed the results.
40k/MLP crossovers are difficult to do, and I'm glad you liked this one. (Most of them use Space Marines, which are pretty much impossible to use in a setting like this without setting up a slaughter)
If I may ask, which characters were too background? Eudaros? Anderocus?
Yes, those two. Euardos worked well in the mentor and advisor role in which he was written, but he has too few personal details. We do not even know his taste in food. What makes the others shine more are their personal interests and their emotional reactions. The guardsman Dash danced with, though it was only a single scene, left more of an emotional impact, because it showed more of the person. Due to the traders mainly conversing with Rarity, or completely offscreen, Anderocus also only has shown personality very late. I really like the way you developed him in the finale, but before that pretty much the only thing he did was providing exposition.It was a vital part of establishing the setting, but it revealed nothing about him personally. A small scene with him practicing fencing, or playing a game of regicide with Euardos would have done well to establish him or both as a characters early on, and it would have also made the early chapters on the ship, before they go planetside, less dry. The action and the sheer darkness and vastness of the 40K universe were written well, also back then, but the characters were a bit rigid at the beginning. Once the interactions took up speed, they became very lively, from then they were well written. Rarity also had an important function in the story that fit her well, but she also had little spotlight.
Well, I'm not that much of a fan - I mean, not the one who reads all the W40K novels and can list all Primarchs and Space Marine Chapters in his sleep... Sometimes I have a suspicion that all those people who write for the Games Workshop can't quite come to an accord - whether W40K, you know, with its rivers of blood, chainswords, bricks of uranium hand-tossed into a reactor coil, etc. is supposed to be an over-the-top parody of the Darker and Edgier trope, or if the reader should take all that seriously. I'm kinda more inclined towards the first option; the guy who takes things more at a face value can be still disappointed by insufficient amounts of gore))
But yes, there was an acquaintance of mine who was really into tabletop games - Warhammer Fantasy Battle, mostly - and through him I got a little fascination with a thing called "Battlefleet Gothic". 
Heh, we had next to nothing - no miniatures, no actual printed rulebook - just a ruler, dices, several PDF files and some cardboard cut-outs. Oh, and I kept losing all the time. But god, that was fun! 
Since then I'd educated myself a little about the Warhammer 40000 universe. And then, one day on a certain site (lurkmore.ru, if you're wondering) I was scrolling through an article on W40K and saw a link to your story. With a short note that, apparently, Warhammer and My Little Pony can be mixed. I reread that a few times, just to make sure, and then clicked the link. And that's how Equestria was made)
All good ideas; I'll keep this kind of thing in mind. Foul Light suffered from a bit of character overload; I went from having three major characters in Dread Chitin to having, what, eight or nine?
Heh, indeed, 40k's tone can be a bit schizophrenic. I personally consider it almost a self-parody (I've been known to describe 40k as "a fantasy setting wearing the flayed skin of a science-fiction setting as a disguise") and don't take it too seriously, even though as you can probably tell I love the setting, with all its madness and self-contradiction. Most science fiction presents a world that the reader wants to live in, while 40k goes out of its way to create a place that the reader is devoutly glad they don't exist in. For some reason, I find it curiously appealing.
BFG is an excellent choice as an intro to 40k; I personally think it's far and away the best of the tabletop systems. And I have a deep, abiding love for the way Imperial ships look; ornate and Gothic, (and I do so love Gothic architecture) and the artists actually put effort into making them look as big as they're supposed to be. That eagle statue on the Retribution-class battleship? Something like twenty times the size of Mount Everest. I love that kind of over-the-topness. Oh, and you found the link on a Russian-language site? I hope you took a look at the Russian translation; Multiarmed Constrictor did a ton of work and found some gorgeously appropriate art to go along with it.
Oh yeah. It had a few defects in the rules early on, such as the possibility to accumulate a swarm of ordnance till you roll doubles and 'run out of it', or that idea with 'guessing the range' for the Nova Cannon, but most of them were corrected later, and... Well, the game doesn't get a lot of attention now, but hopefully that will change someday in the future.
Aside from the Imperial vessels, Chaos ships look pretty nice too. A lot of them (Desolator class battleships or Hades cruisers, for instance) have those, you know, reptilian-like features which are a proven way to make a warship look intimidating. As an example from a different universe, the Qwaar-Jet immediately comes to mind)
Yes, I've seen the translation, but at the time I was reading AFLS, it hadn't been completed yet. Besides, even if it was, I'd probably still read the original. Don't get me wrong - the translation is top-notch, the problem is of a different sort. See, there's still no adequate Russian dub of MLP*, so when I try to imagine the Mane 6 speaking - or anyone of the show's cast, for that matter - they kinda lack an established, canon voice)) Therefore, It's far easier to me to process dialogue when it's all in English.
* - in fact, there is a dub, but it oscillates between 'so bad it's good' and 'so bad it's... just bad', at best. We don't like to speak about it 
That was pretty great. Totally a memorable story, no doubt.
There was a pretty satisfying balance between the two casts, and I loved the cinematic feel of the story (the way the ending worked was pretty sweet - I did not see that coming). It always offered something fresh and unexpected.
And I love your particular mastery of the sci-fi flavor. Very nice.
Beautiful. Chapter one set the stage and got it's hooks in me, then I ended up consuming the rest in one shot. I had other plans for the evening, but they just kinda fell to the side. I mean, ponies + 40k + good writing... fuck yes please! As someone with enough of a passing knowledge of 40K to understand most stories involving it, this was utterly fascinating. I've been in the mood for a good serious sci-fi story and I am so glad I stumbled across this. Having not read your other two stories, yet (though I certainly plan to), I can already tell I love your style. You kept ponies in character very well, and the Imperials were just the right shade of liberal to make the story actually work as something short of a xenos bloodbath.
I don't really have any complaints that I didn't see mentioned in the comments outside a few scant typos I don't feel like tracking down.
Got to say, my favorite bits were how you seamlessly merged the two universes. Everything just made sense. I think my only regret is not getting to see more of the bearers purging some daemons. The whole time I was just waiting for AJ, Rarity, and Pinkie to show off their stuff. Though, in the end, I leave this story feeling quite satisfied knowing the best way to fell a daemon prince is to sonic rainboom his face.
Thank you, I was sort of trying to have my cake and eat it too, by first having a 40k-style ending, then a FiM-style ending. Glad it worked!
Yeah, I didn't want to write a curbstomp story, and it's hard to find a faction in 40k that is willing to give aliens a chance. Rogue Traders are about the most reasonable bunch in the setting, but even then I had to basically cripple them to keep them from just taking what they wanted.
Rainbow and Twilight wound up carrying most of the action, though I think Rarity and Applejack came out okay in the non-action pieces. I admit that I have difficulty writing for Pinkie and Fluttershy; I have a difficult time getting into their heads, and the way I write means it's hard to handle characters I don't really grok. I'm glad you liked the story, though!
For the other two: start with Dread Chitin, it's more than a year old at this point, and it has some pacing issues, but it does set up the sequel. Reaching Sky, in my opinion, is far, far better. And I'm looking at releasing the last block of chapters in the next week or so.
Ah, that was thorughly enjoyable. Up to the point that I'm up reading and commenting when it's 0340... So excuse the more-than-possible chaotic nature of my comment...
Anyhow, I was directed here by DPV111 and his quest to show his followers great fics out in the fimfiction and this... Well, I read that in one sitting and that's saying something, considering the late time I started (around midnight... it surprisingly took me over 3 hours to read... note to self: do NOT read that late. You tend to slow down a lot...).
Thank you for this piece of art! I'm definitely going to tackle your other stories. Not now though. I need some sleep...
Keep up the good work!
Thank you! I do hope you enjoy the others, though Reaching Sky is undergoing a significant revision, that should be done by today or tomorrow, hopefully.
Thank you!
Heh, thanks. 40k is bloody hard to merge with FiM; they've got completely opposite tones. I'm glad you liked it!
Seemed logical to me; they have similar roles, as immortal god-figures leading their people.
That scene seems to be really popular with most folks who read it. I liked it, myself.
Exquisitely written. Thank you for this. Entirely believable on all fronts. I kind of want to see more with the Elements kicking Chaotic ass, but that would imply the sundering of the Veil. A quandary...
In any case, I'm definitely going to check out the rest of your work.
Thank you! I'm delighted you enjoyed it.
I think the Rogue Trader knowledge is just a bonus; the nice thing about the Imperium's Canis Latinicus is that it's fairly readily identifiable as to what's being referred to. "Macrocannon"="Big Gun", "Munitorum"="Place Where Munitions Are," "Adeptus Mechanicus"="We Work With Machines," etc.
The ones that might trip people up are things like the Gellar fields, which I only hope I explained sufficiently to be clear.
I am a huge fan of crossovers between very different universes because of all the opportunities for the characters to reflect on the differences, so I am very glad I found this because you did a fantastic job with this story. The characters are all spot on, and you somehow managed to make the tone feel right for both sides at the same time. Great work.
>>1573918 That was exactly my view of him as well. He is a wonderfully interesting character that gave a great perspective on some of the more alien facets of the Imperium which makes him a lot of fun to read about even if he is kind of a dick. He is really not good or evil, just very different and clearly bound by the needs of the ship and his own curiosity rather than a moral code.
Oh my stars, am I seeing things right?
"Bemused, Twilight turned to organizing the shocked residents of Ponyville, hoping to see who was most affected so she could make sure they got help. She hoped the Princess arrived soon; she felt like she really needed to know what had happened."
Someone actually used bemused correctly?
This one should get a fav just for that 
And as always, you deliver. Good story.
Props for good characters, and for not making Tersiaard the obvious bad guy (as a side note, the true bad guy was kinda obvious, what with Twilight and Rainbow getting the heebie jeebies around him... but that wasn't too much of a bother, anyway).
A Rogue Trader ship was a great way to introduce the Imperium without things falling apart from day one, most people who try W40k crossover usually go for Space Marines. It either devolves into a unwitting parody (Dark Angel hugging all the ponies 
), or just another gore fic. You've done justice to both settings, I think.
The humans might have been a little too trusting, but I'll let it slide - as mentioned, a Rogue Trader was involved, and it was a refreshing change of pace.
Now, I see that you've finished the sequel to the Dread Chitin... I'll give it a shot, I stopped reading earlier because I grew tired of incomplete fics. It's nice to see it finished
Yeah, a big part of the fun of this story was that the audience wasn't supposed to identify with the humans. The Imperium's society is... pretty alien, as far as modern humanity is concerned, and showing them through the eyes of an alien species that is actually closer to the readers' mindset was kinda fun.
Be even more shocked; I used "inchoate" in the prologue.
Astartes are honestly a bad choice unless the author wants a massacre. They're weapons more than people, and even nice-guy Marines like the Salamanders aren't going to give a fuck about nonhumans. Thank you, and I'm glad you enjoyed the story!
I actually share your distaste for unfinished stories; I've been waiting for the current Dresden Fillies story to finish so I can read it! Hope you enjoy Reaching Sky, I personally think it's my best so far.
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So that's how 40K invented grimdark...
You just HAD to say it, didn't you. Care to ask what could go wrong in the meantime? I sincerely hope you knocked on wood after posting that.
Yeah, it was kinda broken, but still...
enjoyed the great amount of best pony in here too 
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