Darkness can eat away at one's soul; darkness and fear was all he knew for a thousand years. A brutal, near death, defeat has weakened this once nigh invincible Stallion of Darkness. It is now up to the least likely of heroes to unknowingly cure the pain and loss of his soul; hopefully he can regain it and light the fires in his long cold heart.
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After you read the story please read this
Youtube reading
Amazing youtube reading and apparently act HanaYoriUta Lol total awesomeness
Chapters (1)
Holy balls.. I did not expect it to be that good XD
your pretty brave putting this sucker out here though. Ill be most people wont even read it. Too stupid and petty. They will just thumbs down on it. But hey, its an amazing read.
And you know my thoughts already on the author's notes
6914807 lol you are right, first few seconds it was out it got a thumbs down, and just got another one.
I just hope people who want to READ the thing before voting will give it a look first.
This is kinda depressing. It's one of my finer works and people utterly refuse to even look at it. Had one editor outright refuse to help because he hated Sombra and he hated Derpy. Immediately jumped to the conclusion that it was some crappy 14 year old ship fic. Bleh... no justice in this world
6914817 well if you need me to shoot a mother fucker in the face let me know
Im good for that. lol purger of ignorant fuckers.
6914858 its getting more and more, I might just retract it. If these people are going to trash it without reading it I wont bother. This story is actually important. And you know that as well. Any more of this crap and Im pulling it out
...D'awwwww!!!
I loved it!! At first it didn't seem like a story I would read, but...I do not regret it one bit! This story was great!
A few grammar errors were here and there. Mostly can't, don't etc. this kind without the ' but I usually don't bother over grammar unless it is a really good story!
God dammit I may have became a Sombra x Derpy shipper. :3But a good story! It deseves a like and fav...AND EVERYTHING!
6914940 thank you so much. Its kinda disheartening to put a lot of effort into something and see so many people come around just to trash it. but seeing others happy makes it totally worth while ^w^ thank you so much
6914945 Not a problem! It is a really good story!
6914945 why cant I get that much of a thank you?
6914952 And you lol thank you. but again you are in the mentions at the end lol.
6914950 It means the world to me to hear that. thank you ^_^
6914958 Again not a problem!
Can someone please explain the controversy to me? Why don't people like it?
6914989 best I can gather, its because its "a crack ship" as the not so nice people in the writers group called it. Its the reason I wanted to put that bit after the actual description on the long description.
To try and alleviate the stress of having those two characters and that romance tag.
To put it plainly, they take one look and instantly downvote. Ive been watching the active views and monitoring when the likes and dislikes occur. Every time someone reads it it goes up by one vote, and whenever it gets a downvote there is no additional entries in the active reader count
6915089 Just browsed over your report here lol and found these bits
The story is bending on Sombra never being evil in the first place, how did you miss this? it is literally like the main focus of him as a character. Showing the dark evil king as a darkness that spawned from his doubts and fears.
again I dont think you really read between the lines on this one. The darkness was not really him. Being defeated threw him off at least that is the way I interpreted it. the darkness released him and he was himself until he managed to save himself.
no offense but you dont get out much do you?
I have literally seen people do this back in sand box. And honestly. If I know the person beside me is a piece of shit. and I hear motar fire I am pulling his ass over me. Better him die and no one cry than me and I cant get my work done. Your approach here is very unrealistic.
to put it plainly I think this story was kinda lost on you because you were incapable of understanding it. Im sure you made some valid points int here but overall. no you kinda failed at reading this.
6915089 Thank you for your input Ill read it when I wake up and if there is something constructive Ill be happy to review it.
6915102 YOU. I know you feel the need to defend me but I dont want you to be banned so please for the love of all that is holy dont freak out on him aye? Just ignore him if he responds and do NOT do what you normally do ok?
6915106
The sentiment's appreciated, ma'am.
We'll see what happens after you sleep, then. Just keep in mind this isn't a critique. It's more of a critical response to a question. It's going to be negative because the question was 'why is this being disliked', so... brace yourself and all that.
A real critique includes the positive.
6915113 why the bloody hell does everyone always think Im a woman?
6915116
It's a joke. I didn't assume you were a woman. It's my teasing way of informing people that I'm a ma'am.
6915003
Well, I did offer to help correct the technical errors before you published. And as many things as I disagree with 6915089 about in real life, it's true that there are issues. Agreed that ALLCAPS is not a good choice. For emphasis, italics is fine. For extra emphasis, bold plus italics is fine.
Agreed that your ellipsis use is over the top. I've mentioned this in the past, but it seems to be a stylistic choice you have which will grate at the nerves of any literary critic.
I'm not familiar with manga, so I can't comment on that one. When I skimmed the chapter (I intend to read it soon) I found that it contained a good amount of depth and intelligence as well as a tone which I appreciated.
I'd have to disagree with this one. Depending on the person, great evil can be followed by a complete turnaround into becoming a good person truly sorry for one's actions. If we don't believe in this kind of thing, then there are so many real life stories that we'd have to call bullshit on. Even in MLP, we see Luna's truly repentant heart where she feels immense sorrow for her actions.
That does sound kinda far fetched, admittedly. I'll give feedback on this after I've read the chapter.
Can't comment on this yet, but... I will confirm that characterization in a story is vitally important. It's the whole point of using canon characters to make use of their familiarity and known traits so that we can construct a fresh tale which communicates the theme which we want to give to the reader. It's not enough to take a canon character and portray them as entirely other than what everyone views them as.
When it comes to Derpy, though, what we've got is a bit of a meta situation here. In regards to "Graaaah! You worthless retard die die die!", Derpy has been treated this way by real people, but not by ponies in canon Equestria. Ponies seem to treat her pretty well, so projecting the disdain of short-sighted human trolls onto the ponies seems a little weird. We've seen the great support Derpy has had which succeed in saving her character from the clutches of politically correct morons. There has been some great artwork made in support of this cause. And some of it depicts Derpy as if she were feeling the abuse given by other ponies, because really, how would she know how real people feel about her? But that's not the point. She's generally well loved within the MLP universe. The canon one, anyway. So I'd have to agree with Proper Noun on this one regarding the abusive pony.
There are ways of fixing this, though. All you have to do is make this one pony abusive and make Derpy respond to it in character which means she is not always downtrodden and ridiculed by the general public. Alternatively, you can declare AU and construct a scenario where she does suffer these things.
I understand that you're making an allegory here, and an important one at that. But when doing so, you need to be sensitive to the depictions you're using for your characters. When people find characters they are familiar with misrepresented, it jars them out of the story, and they will downvote.
Color me impressed, but I actually agree with Proper Noun here. As much as she and I have locked horns in the past, I think her assessment of the story feels quite fair and unbiased. She's given criticism where (it appears) to be due, and has even expressed interest in seeing such a story once it's been polished (which is exactly what I was saying prior to you publishing). Personally, I see heaps of potential in the story idea and the theme you're trying to portray. You've expressed how important you feel it is, so why throw mud all over it by releasing it chock full of technical errors and characterization issues? These problems do not allow people to truly appreciate the theme you're giving them.
And this is what storytelling is about. Giving a theme to your readers. A story's theme is a message you want to communicate about humanity. It doesn't matter if the characters themselves are human. Characters generally behave like human beings anyway, so the theme is most certainly YOUR message to the public about humanity. Once you know your theme, you design your protagonist, give them an issue or goal, decide what obstacles will get in their way, and what ultimately leads to that issue being resolved in the climax of the story. You want to develop your characters into supporting, neutral, or antagonists to serve the plot and shape the protagonist's journey. All of this is critical to storytelling.
I'd be happy to discuss these principles further with you via PM or forum. Overall, don't feel bad about this. We all have to learn these things. You're further ahead than most when it comes to quality ideas. You just need to work on your presentation and structure.
6915139 ah!
lol my apologies then ^_^
some of my characters use that same little bit. though it really pinged on me because so far about four people on this site just jumped to the confusion I was a woman. One even tried hitting on me.
It was very awkward
6915147
Awkwardness is wonderful.
6915146
Um
Huzzah for mutual surprise?
Really we probably could have been friends if we hadn't talked about religion. (And then things happened because of that.)
6915158
Indeed...
Well, that does seem to be a common point of contention, but I am openly friends with many non-Christians, so I'm happy to forgive and forget if you are, and just agree to avoid that family of topics and focus on writing about magical candy-colored talking horses.
Although we may from time to time appear on opposite sides of a public debate. I do tend to avoid such things in recent times though. I find it interferes severely with my ability to get in the frame of mind necessary to write my story!.
6915147
You know... it took six weeks before my main story achieved a 2:1 like ratio. Yours is already there.
I think we should polish this thing up. As long as you're not in a super hurry, I can help!
6915211 Heh, the first story I had was at 21:3 before the third day, so I was so confused when my other stories did a quarter as well. I guess I just got lucky.
If you still have some darkness in your life, I'd like to give you some hugs to help. A whole boatload of hugs. Hugs help even just a little.
6916367 TwT hugs help... thank you
6916389 you're welcome!
I hope you're having a better time now. If not, I've still got plenty of hugs.
That was beautiful. I was a bit skeptical about Derpy and Sombra being a thing, but you made it sound so well justified.
You're a great writer! 
awesomeness... lol
I want moorrrr
I need moorrrr of DerpySombra ship
Please
7389042 I was thinking about making a sequel... but its still on the table
7389927 please do.
its a really good ship. Their adorable together.
Plus it will be interesting to see the "what happens after what happened"
7390074 I have a general setup on what happens, but nothing too much. The reason I did not write it right away was because it would focus a lot less on Derpy and Sombra, and it would focus more on Sombra being discovered and him righting everything that he had made wrong
I am though, VERY happy you liked this story. It is a very important piece to me. Contains the words of the man I respected most in my life, his wisdom and philosophies. It also contains parts and pieces of my life. Its a hard thing to put out there, and as you can see from the like to dislike ratio a LOT of people did not much like it. Mostly thanks to a certain person who led a little crusade against me. But that was in the past, have not heard from them since... makes me very happy
7390456 let the haters hate
if you enjoy the story that all that matters. It's just for fun.
Cant wait to see what you have in store.
7390907 ^_^ thank you, you are a great person
7390998 I been told. Like pinkie pie.
no really I have a lot of curly hair. And I'm always appearing out of no where. I love making people laugh/smile and when someone down I bring back up. You know, just without the pink. 
A human pinkie pie
I'll live
7391657 ^w^ human pie
we will get along great
7391676 great
Sandwich,
Listen. This story. I can't even. I've never considered this ship, this sequence of events, and this has hit me right in the heart.
I too, know regret. I know also how hard it is to break away from darkness. And this story... This story has hit on so many levels.
I'm giving this story the highest award I have - the Holy Muffin. It's for the stories I find on this site that are amazing without compare. And this story well fits that description.
Well done, Salad. Well done.
Yours,
Spirit.