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Well, I hope this next chapter satisfies.

(What am I doing with my life?)

Well this can't be good.

7465217

My mind tends to absorb and suck up things I've seen in media, and then mix them up with other stuff and personal touches when I'm waking up/trying to go to sleep. I had watched the movie the night before. I started thinking about my stories in the morning, and I drifted over to bimbofiying Rarity (who is Best Pony) ... and then you add in a bit from White Christmas where they're performing on a stage, and you put that in my mind's blender with "Rarity" and "Bimbofication" aaaand presto! Instant weird story idea.

My eyes widened and totally lose their color, turning monotone. My body stiffens up.

How does she know that her eyes lose their color? Is she looking at a mirror when this happens? The term is monochrome not monotone. You're changing up tenses when actions are occurring simultaneously. I would reword this as "Rarity's eyes widened and lost all color while her body grew stiff." but if you're dedicated to telling this tale with Rarity as a first person narrator, I would tweak it to "I felt a sudden surge of alarm as my vision became slightly blurred and body grew rigid."

but I am getting kinda of full.

ditch the unnecessary "of"

After having my fill of playing with my chest, I dress up in a professional pink dress and go into the office, where Crescendo is looking over a few pages of something with Pitch standing next to him.

Stylistic issue here. Rarity would not stop at describing a dress by just its color. You didn't even address material or a basic design.

Goodness, it feels like there are little purple spirals in my eyes.

Again, there's no way for our narrator to be aware of this without some way of seeing herself and, barring a case of synesthesia, one cannot feel colors; edit as "It felt like spirals of energy were swirling against my eyes."

“Twenty … you’re still young, then …” I pur, walking around him and brushing my hand on his shoulder. “My good fellow … have you ever been intimate with a woman before?”
...
I walk away from him and turn to face him. I pull further down on my dress, exposing my bra strap again. I grab hold of the strap and tug on it, bouncing my boob up and down.

Purr has two Rs. Edit the other part as "I further pull on my dress, exposing my bra strap."

“Aaah … aaah …” He moans. The pulsing increases. It’s rapid, pounding, throbbing my mouth.

Edit as "It's rapid-fire pounding and throbbing feels my mouth." or something to that effect, he's not causing her mouth to throb so much as his organ is throbbing inside of it; i.e. you need a conjunction.

"Rarity, allow me to assure you there is absolutely nothing suspicion going on here. Nothing at all."

Double spacing issues. The word is "suspicious."

balloon pants, elf shoes,

You're writing as Rarity, these items are more commonly referred to as "harem pants" within fashion circles, though "drop crotch pants" is another name; both detract less from the mental image than what you've used. "Curled slipper" also sounds more dignified than "elf shoes."

“Thank you, thank you!”. I turn back to Pitch, who’s wearing a blush on his face. I can’t remember if Crescendo or I ran this by him.

It's unnecessary to add a period after ending a quote with a punctuation mark.

The next play also goes well, selling out, the audience cheering when I, dressed as Victorian maid, am accidentally bumped and knock down, with my shirt tearing to give me a v-shaped cleavage, which the crowd went absolutely wild for.

knocked down

“Wouldn’t it stand reason that you should that you should rename yourself more reflective of your desires in your stage, given how much attention is directed to your bust during some of the plays’ more ... awkward moments when the costumes fail?”

Wouldn't it stand to reason that you should rename yourself something more reflective of your desires on stage... delete everything after "awkward moments or chop the sentence off after 'bust' and just add "when the costumes fail." You're transitioning from talking around the issue to to directly addressing it. Pick one.

“You want some help with that?” Big Macintosh askes me.

Typo in "asks"

“We saw what you were doing with this farm boy on the stage back.” The first one points at Big Macintosh. “And we decided, we want some of that, too.”

“We saw what you were doing with this farm boy backstage.”

I look up at Penny. She stills seems shy and uncertain about this arrangement...

Typo in "still"

All of the girls begin to raise their hands, but they all stop, interrupted by the door of the front swinging wide open, a shoe raised up in the air. It didn’t take a bimbo’s worth of brain cells to connect that said shoe had kicked the door in.

The shoe landed, revealing it belonged to … my friend, to Twilight Sparkle, with all of our other friends behind with.

"All of the girls began to raise their hands until the the slam of front door echoed forth, revealing a foot extended up and ahead of its owner. It didn’t take a bimbo’s worth of brain cells to connect that said shoe had kicked the door in.

As that shoe came down, I recognized its design in a heartbeat. This shoe belonged to...my friend, Twilight Sparkle. I could see the rest of my friends close standing behind her.

I haven't changed over to the next chapter just yet, but if she now refers to herself as Rariboobies, shouldn't she do so in the opening and closing remarks as she's directly addressing the audience?

>Itsallatrap News
-Italian pony station ? :3

>I have this nice, round huge boobies
-Should be 'these', no ? Plural and all.

penny pinch.
nice countessa reference.