So, hey, it's Rarity! I got hypnotized by Discord into a being, like, a total bimbo, and he sent me to this nice theater company to help me address my needs. But I think I may, like, end up being more than the company was prepared for ...
You have some nice elements, but some of this comes off as sort of awkward like Rarity describing things she experiences from a first person perspective instead of a simpler description, por ejemplo:
Ugh … ooh … where am I? Oh, where are my manners? Hello, darlings. It’s me, Ponyville’s top fashionista and dress designer, Rarity. I … am in some … bizarre rocky field, and I’m not sure why. Have I been sleepwalking?
Ugh, the fog all over this place is giving me the absolute creeps. Where did it even come from? Where am I?
Oh, ugh. I put a hand on my head, wondering how I got here while I feel a slight headache.
I hear a sharp sound like a whistle. I turn and look around, feeling uneasy. There’s a shadow of a man appearing in the fog, and he’s coming towards me.
"Why, hello, Rarity!" I hear a familiar arrogant voice.
"Discord?" I ask as his shape coming into view, the fog clearing around him until he in full, clear view, and only him, I should add.
Would flow better if you ditched the notion of Rarity talking directly to the reader and reworked it as:
Whie she was unsure of how she had made it to this strange place, Rarity found herself in an unfamiliar region of Equestria whose only notable features were that it was laden with rocks, possibly some subsidiary of the Pie clan's farms, and saturated with obscuring mists. While Rarity managed to avoided tripping over any stones via her gem-finding spell, thus allowing her to prevent damage to her recent hooficure, that gave her only a modicum of comfort when surrounded by so much unnervingly thick mist.
As Rarity tried to get her bearings, she clutched her temple as a headache flared into existence. Just as it seemed to fade away, Rarity heard a whisper from somewhere within the mists.
Looking around for where the noise came from Rarity could make out a single silhouette of a tall humanoid.
"Why, hello Rarity!" the shadowy being spoke. Its voice was distinctly masculine, familiar, and tinged with arrogance.
"Discord?" Rarity inquired, focusing her eyes in the shadow's direction.
The mists then dispersed, as if in answer to Rarity's question, bringing the draconequus' full appearance into view.
If this version reads like something you'd prefer, send me a PM.
Because it involves a wide variety of fetishes, some of which people find irksome or gross, and according to Sathien, the first-person makes a it little hard to follow, which is an eye-opener, because I thought I had a decent handle on first-person.
Saw this on my feed, read "grimdark", now I hope there will be moar
You have some nice elements, but some of this comes off as sort of awkward like Rarity describing things she experiences from a first person perspective instead of a simpler description, por ejemplo:
Would flow better if you ditched the notion of Rarity talking directly to the reader and reworked it as:
If this version reads like something you'd prefer, send me a PM.
What movie inspired this?
I don't know why this is being downvoted, I thought it was pretty good
So when we see the transformation part of this story?
7461994
Because it involves a wide variety of fetishes, some of which people find irksome or gross, and according to Sathien, the first-person makes a it little hard to follow, which is an eye-opener, because I thought I had a decent handle on first-person.
7462086
Next chapter. Which I'm going to try to post tomorrow.
7461507
Oh. Um ...
... White Christmas. Yes, that's right, a Christmas movie inspired a bimbofication fic.
Quote Jubal Early of Firefly.
7462233 ok then.
So what tentacles for anyway?
7463571
Because there will be tentacles doing the tentacle things that they do.
7463590 ok when there going to be a sequel of rarity to room 69?
7463659
When it's finished being edited.
7463664 ok then see you later.
Love this Story so far and hope to see more of Rarity sucking Dicks like a brainless Bimbo
7462243 .... really? how did white christmas inspire this?
Have you seen chef?