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The Cutie Mark Crusaders have won the right to carry the Ponyville team flag for the Equestria Games! While Scootaloo finds reason to hope that she may one day fly, Diamond Tiara finds reason to fear the inevitable result of her failure, and a member of the Royal Guard and a young princess decide to take an important step in their relationship, and reveal an important secret to one another.
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The irony is how Human Twilight shows no actual interest in Human Flash. Which I think is a nice twist in that it reminds us IMHO that it's human Flash Sentry that Twilight has gotten to know and has a crush on.
No issues, except that in my headcanon, Flash's father was never abusive. In fact, the two of them had a good relationship up until he left, which is why he's still so angry about it. Also, the reason his father left his family is much more complicated than whatever selfish reasons fathers do so in real life. I havn't hammered out the details yet however, or really worked on it at all, so don't hold your breath for an explanation.
First, mistakes I caught and things I'm not sure on:
I'm not sure, but wouldn't him saying "why shouldn’t I do different?" mean that he does make a big deal about his brother? Or am I wrong on this?
Seems like the word "more" would fit this sentence better than "too". If you disagree, let me know why.
So in this verse, Flash plays air guitar instead of real guitar? Interesting.
And then my thoughts:
This was an excellent single chapter story. I enjoyed it. I like your version of Flash, not a jerk and not a forgettable "perfect boy" character either. As for Diamond Tiara, I like what you did there, I can so see that happening in the actual show offscreen.
Overall, I enjoyed it as much as I can a short one-shot, and look forward to the next instalment of the Quiververse, whenever you finish it.
Oh! And congrats on no spelling errors.
6850118
I think you posted the same thing twice.
6850052 Yeah, but that's canon. I can do as I please with my stuff.
6850116 Gah! Sorry! Misremembered things from your story! I'll edit my notes as soon as I'm able.
6850193 Thanks for pointing those out. I'll try and do some cleanup later today and smooth things over. But yes, huzzah to no spelling errors!
6850202 I know, I was writing from my Nookcolor, and it doesn't always work right, which is why I'm correcting things from my laptop.
Believe it or not!
I'm walking on air!
I never thought I could feel so free-he-he!
Flying away!
On a wing and a prayer!
Who could it be?
Believe it or not it's just me!
6852123 I'm guessing you don't disapprove of the story, then.
...Okay, I did really like this story. It's well written, well paced and has nice ending.
The only major issue I have is Flash's father; Smooth Rock...and the fact that he's a prick.
Urg....
I've seen this used a few times with Flash, and I'm not a fan of it. Ir just feels cheap to me.
But that aside, I enjoyed this.
6852198 Nope!
6850118
So? What you personally believe to be the case isn't relevant to this story.
6852240
People write stories with abusive characters all the time and they're very popular. I would suggest that what you're arguing against is not very good writing, rather than the idea itself.
'Cause ideas themselves are not the thing at fault, only the executions of ideas.
6852385 Except that in the original author's notes, EchoWing said that he based Smooth Rock on my own description of Flash's father; the only problem is that my version wasn't abusive. EchoWing even apologized for his mistake and has already corrected it. You can ask him yourself.
6852240 I won't deny that it's a cheap and unoriginal storytelling device. But one reason it's prevalent in fiction is that it happens in real life, whether we like it or not. I do plan on doing more with it, however, so it's not like it's going to be brought in only to be promptly ignored.
Glad that you liked the story, however.
6852288 Excellent. I like it when folks enjoy my works.
6852385 Except in this case, I originally stated that in his story as in mine, Flash's father was a domestic abuser, where he wasn't. My fault, and I've since corrected it.
6852456
I withdraw my objection.
Hey there. Great job on the exchanges and emotional content in this one-shot. And, yeah, you have a good point about how cliché`, unfortunately, does NOT always mean "unrealistic".
6852618 Thanks, and thank you.
6852729 You're welcome. :-D
6852475
It is impossible to come up with a completely original idea in storytelling. Where you can be original is how that idea is expressed/presented.
6852999 Totally and completely true.
Good work with this story. People in the comments have talked about the stuff with Flash a lot - which I thought was done pretty well, in my opinion - although I'd also like to talk about how much I liked the scene with Diamond Tiara's perspective. It's stuck with me, thinking about the insecurity behind her persona...
8647457
This story benefited a great deal from being written after "Crusaders of the Lost Mark" aired. I took a look at that episode, and I thought that Spoiled Rich did a lot to explain Diamond Tiara's behavior. We are the culmination of our experiences, and it's no surprise if she's cruel and crude if she has a mother like that. The trouble is that Diamond's beginning to realize that the way her mother does things isn't the way to go, though she hasn't quite gotten all the way yet.
I'd say more about all of this, but I don't want to risk spoiling anything from a future story. I will say that Diamond Tiara's scenes here will build up to something down the line, and if I have anything to say about it, it'll come very soon.
8647520
Well said! And I look forward to that scene, whenever it may come.
Very nice story, though I shouldn't have been surprised by the sudden dark/sad turn.
9843080
Might be a good thing that you were, though.
Well this was a pretty nice story and I really like the conversation between Twilight and Flash those two are really cute together and he was nice enough to defend the Cutie Mark Crusaders from diamond tiara and also kind of see that she still feels bad for what she's doing even though she's only doing it just to please her mother even though her mother is manipulative person ever and maybe not physically abused her but emotionally I'm kind of glad right up to season 5 she finally turns it around in her life this was a pretty nice story keep up the good work
10995155
Thanks. Diamond Tiara gets another moment to shine in one of my later stories, entitled Scars of the Quill. Give it a look if you're interested.