In the aftermath of the Fall Formal, Sunset Shimmer has fallen. Her power in Canterlot High is gone, and she's been exposed for the monster that she is. With nowhere else to go and nothing she can do, she retreats to where she's hidden herself since arriving in the human world, a realm that links Canterlot High and Equestria. But she isn't the only one to know about this realm, on either side, and perhaps with a little help from her new friends and her old mentor, she can find it in her to rise again.
Cover Art by Alyssa Hartwick.
Part of the Quiververse
Chapters (2)
I feel like there were so many characters in the portal-world that the emotional impact got a little lost. It just felt too crowded.
I don't think I get it.
Is it like Equestria<->X<->CHS, but X can only be left via the same side as it was entered? That seems a bit weird and arbitrary...
except... wait, these portals don't transform people, right? Humans and ponies both keep their shape.
In that case, I suppose there's a plausible reason why the other portal wouldn't let you through: No ponies in the human world or vice versa. Without the transformation powers of the direct portal, you can't cross over.
I also feel that the scene got too crowded. The reunion of Sunset and Celestia was (seemingly) the climax of the story, and when it seemed like the story was drawing to a close, suddenly even more ponies showed up.
The Mane Six meeting their counterparts was a great plot point, but it's comedic and a stark contrast to the more serious/emotional part that precedes it. Maybe a chapter break could have helped?
5358662
Check my blog for further details on the story, but the short version is that I figured whoever made the portals (intended to be Star Swirl the Bearded and later confirmed by canon) wanted to keep in touch with someone. Eliminating confusion was the whole point behind the portals working the way they did, and I also figured it would lessen the chances of paradoxes.
And I agree, things got a little crowded towards the end. I initially posted this on DeviantArt as two parts for spacing issues, and set the story up in such a way that it could be separated right where Cadance and Shining Armor enter the story. I probably should've posted it this way here; might just go ahead and do that. As for the scene getting crowded, well, I'll admit, as time went on, this story went from being a single installment to a setup for future stories.
For now, chapter break. In time to come, future stories with Sunset Shimmer in the interim betwixt this story and an alternate version of "Rainbow Rocks". But first, my thanks for reading the story and I hope that you enjoyed it.
5358305
Yeah, sorry, I think you've got a point there. I'm going to separate it a little; hopefully, that'll help.
5360509
Sweet. I feel like the story had a lot of potential, but it got lost in the crowd. Would love to give it a second look when it's less crowded.
5360519
I don't know if it's less crowded now, but I've separated it into two chapters, so that might help.
I liked the story, but I'd agree with the crowding, and Celestia just bringing everyone into the third realm. But you know, it worked out perfectly fine. You got a good range on your vocabulary, and I enjoyed reading every word of this story.
5430017 Thanks. I'll admit, bringing everyone in may not have been the smartest idea on my part - the story probably should've ended with Twilight starting to recount the series premiere - but I felt like it was needed for Sunset to know she'd been forgiven, and that there was a home waiting for her back in Equestria. Plus it led to that little bit with Rarity, and I have every intention of following that up.
Glad you enjoyed the story, however, and thanks for faving it.
I posted a review for this story as part of the recent Sunset Shimmer group's recent round of Mini-Reviews, and it can be found here!
5714648 Thanks! I'll put more of a reply there rather than here.
My review circle review blog post for this story: Here
5735075 Thanks!
Nicely done. I'm very glad I found this one.
Definitely worth a favorite and a like.
5782503 Thanks very much! I hope you enjoy the follow-up, and the rest of my little alt-verse, as much as you've enjoyed this one!
Seems half decent if a bit short and typically on the positive side. I hope you'll write a bit more.
Is this because she doesn't have a need for a student anymore? Does she only accept potential princesses and if you flunk out, that's it? What's your rationale behind this. I can understand her not wanting or needing to or Sunset being to old, but Celestia's statement strikes me as a little odd.
P.S.
I find the whole Celestia got/had a student to get a 'Princess of Friendship' thing kind of silly just as much her being able to make Alicorns. The latter kind of makes it highly sketchy for her to elevate just one pony and so on. It's also unnecessary here, I think, and make Sunset's failure much more of Celestia's oops and Twilight's alicornness more of preferential treatment by Celestia.
5875553
Celestia can't take Sunset back as a student because she expelled Sunset. She can't just undo something like that. You get expelled from one school or school system, you have to go to another one.
As for getting/having a student to get a 'Princess of Friendship'...that's something that's going to come up in the follow-up to this story, currently in progress, and (amazingly) backed by official sources (or at least semi-official, depending on how you view the comics). Same with Celestia's ability to make alicorns. I won't spoil it, but I will say that Celestia saw a lot of the same things in Sunset that she saw in Twilight and all of her other students. Twilight didn't become an alicorn because she was Teacher's Pet; there was a lot more at play than that. She wasn't the first pony to ascend, after all, and she won't be the last, either. Take that as you will.
5875615
I see. Although, seeing as it's her school, expulsion is in some sense temporary even if rescinding it would be bad policy.
5875799
Perhaps, though I tend to think that breaking into secure areas and making unrealistic demands would constitute a rather strict punishment.
5875866
Perhaps, but as I think about it, I'm not ensure sure being Celestia's personal student/protege/etc is intrinsically tied to the canterlot school for gifted unicorns or whatever it's called. Additionally, in forgiving Luna, Celestia potentially forgave more than any pony deserves and thus makes any case where she punishes someone for less a double standard, particularly if they've paid an adequate or excessive degree of suffering.
Depending on what Sunset was really after in the first place and the relationship between her and Celestia, Celestia could be either shrugging or rather harmful here.
5883476
So far as my works are concerned, being Celestia's personal student or protege is tied to the school - Twilight applied to attend, and it's only due to doing so that she became Celestia's student. I've got no reason to assume otherwise for Sunset.
As for Luna, there's enough evidence that there were mitigating factors behind what she did - it was hinted by Faust herself, and outright confirmed by the comics, that Luna was manipulated and possessed, in addition to being severely depressed. Those are mitigating factors that, so far as we know, weren't a factor in Sunset's case.
In both cases, however, Celestia and Luna/Sunset agreed that mistakes were made on all parts. Exactly what Sunset wanted is something I'm delving into with the follow-up, however, so feel free to debate that there.
This was pretty well put together. I like the idea of the third area, even if as Csqured said, it got a bit crowded. Really sweet; something I could see occurring in-show. Nice work!
6062307 Thanks! I'll admit, it did get a bit crowded at the end, but I like to think it was counterbalanced by some of the more touching moments.
6062365 Indeed so. You did a good job!
The writing here flowed, and there were no technical issues that drew me out of the experience. That 'spare room' idea was nice stroke of creativity. Though I'll also go along with the other notes about the crowd at the end getting a bit pressing on the emotions going back and forth. =)
6349001 Yeah, that seems to be the single biggest issue folks have with this story. I'm happy with it, but I might just have tried to do too much at once. Live and learn, yes? But folks like it regardless, so I'm going to take that as a win.
nice. I'm working on a tale where the EQs meet their Mane 6 counterparts in Equestria.
very well-done and entertaining.
6375926 Thank you! I hope your tale proves as popular as this one has been.
"Her expression softened, and Rarity knelt before the dragon and drew him close in a hug, standing up and holding him in her arms as if he were still the cute puppy that she’d met barely two days previous. “Well, dog or dragon, you are still absolutely adorable.”
“Oh, I agree.” Fluttershy approached and joined them. “I’d have never thought a dragon could be so cute.”
Sunset Shimmer laughed. “Well, he is a baby dragon. Trust me; the full-sized ones aren’t nearly as cuddly"
SO ADORABLE!!!
7691627 Aw, thank you. That part just flowed perfectly out of my head and onto the proverbial page, and I'm really glad that folks like it.
This has been reviewed by The Reviewers' Cafe. You can find the review here:
https://www.fimfiction.net/group/211585/reviewers-cafe/thread/308771/reviews#page/5
8472813
Thank you, I'm glad that you approve of the story.
I have to say, I've always rather liked the idea of the "third realm" in between CHS and Equestria. ^^ It nicely gives Sunset a place to stay without having her resort to some rough or immoral means of getting by in the human world.
People have talked about the issue of crowding in this story, and I do see that a bit here. But at the same time, I feel that you did a good job of dealing with it through some nice character interactions (the two versions of Twilight's friends meeting never fails to make me smile
)
8613842
I'm surprised and pleased at the fact that no one seemed to come up with it before I did, to be honest. And while I've managed to come up with all sorts of backstory to go with it since, when I conceived of it at the start, it just seemed like a good idea at the time.
And while it was a bit crowded, I will never be ashamed of the human-pony interactions.
8614092
Heck, some of my favorite ideas for story material have been because of "it seemed like a good idea at the time". And hey, points for uniqueness!
Indeed! Be proud of the pony-human interactions, friend - they were a blast! (Oh, Rarity... XD)
8614411
Nice to know I'm not alone then.
This was way more reasonable than I remember it being. Hm. Splitting it at least made the first chapter enjoyable enough.
There it is. There's the giant crowd I remember. Waaaaaaaay too crowded. All the conversations just jumbled together. And while that makes sense because that's what would likely happen in a crowd like that anyway, it doesn't make for the best reading experience.
9384317
In hindsight, the large crowd was probably not the wisest idea, but that's just how things worked out with this one. In any case, thanks for giving it another look.
9654302
Oh, how I'm looking forward to the payoff for that line.
9655182
Since when are you so formal AJ LOL
9915968
Well wouldn't you try to be formal in the presence of royalty?
9916436
Me? no I don't give my respect to anyone freely they have to earn it
That’s true. Next time, keep your past in the past, unless there’s a chance of it coming back to bite you in the flank.
Are you kidding me?
I’m surprised they’re actually looking after her.
I’d like to point this out. Just because someone else gives her a chance that doesn’t mean anyone else does.
I’m surprised they’re not ganging up on principle celestia, because principle or not I would have to fight her.
What does that mean?
Aww. That’s nice that she’s including him.
So the portal they took lead to her house?
Fluttershy, shut up.
How would them being together stop her from winning?
Past? I’m I’m pretty sure a year hasn’t even past by.
Never have I ever wanted to beat up a child as i do now.
That’s true.
That is also true.
I don’t even know her and I can’t agree with that.
I’m not 100% sure that’s how it works, but I guess it’s based on perspective.
Didn’t they already see her cry before?
What is that about?
I feel like she has forgotten about a few of her subjects and students.
Aww. That’s adorable.
What business?
She’s gonna break that promise.
Yes, yes you did.
10786412
Let me preface this by saying that I wrote this story a long time ago, back before Season Four had even premiered. A lot, obviously, has changed since then, but what hasn't changed was that this story was meant to help plug a lot of plot holes that I thought existed in the original Equestria Girls film. That was the primary reason for the bridge realm - Sunset needed a place to live. Various other bits of justification came later, and I don't regret any of it.
Now, taking this point by point...
Celestia has a bad habit of not bringing up an issue until it becomes an issue, and from a certain point of view, tends to just dump everything on Twilight and expecting her to solve it. It's something that I thought was worth addressing.
Twilight did ask them to do it. They did it in canon. Why not do it here?
True, and most people aren't giving Sunset a chance. That's kind of the point of Sunset's storyline, that her actions won't be forgotten and probably won't be completely forgiven. Just how things work.
...and in what world is it a good idea to gang up and attack an authority figure? That's a good way to get yourself locked up.
...I swear to God, I've explained this too many times. Pony!World has a portal that leads to Human!World. In both Pony!World and Human!World, there exists a portal that leads to the bridge realm. You can enter the bridge realm from either world, but you cannot use the bridge realm to get from one world to the other save by very specific means.
Spike got shafted a lot by the writers. Not by me.
No, the portal took them to where Sunset lives. Tiny distinction.
...okay, I'll give you that one.
Think about it for a second. Rarity and Rainbow Dash are representatives of two of Canterlot High's social groups - fashion-lovers and athletes. Applejack, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy, meanwhile, are all generally liked. The five of them all together could work together and, metaphorically, rule the school. Sunset broke them up so that they couldn't knock her off her perch. It's childish, it's petty, and it's me doing the best that I can with what canon gave me.
Six months at most so far as this continuity goes.
...I'm sorry, you want to give two foals grief over saying stuff out of fear? That's going a little too far, I'd say.
Yes, but those were tears of remorse and pain. These are tears of joy.
Hints of stuff to come. I'm big on foreshadowing.
Not on purpose.
Read the second part of this story.
Eh, kinda.
Oy! They saved the world, a lot. That's got to count for something.
10786561
The bridge realm is in between the human and pony world, right?
That is definitely true.
Wait, did she ask them? Because, I don’t think I remember that part.
Hey, if sunset can break multiple laws and get minimum punishment the most I better get for beating principle celestia into a bloody mess is a week detention.
Specific means like what?
I’m pretty sure there was an interview explaining that about spike.
Give me which one?
Oh sorry. I didn’t have popularity at my school. And if I did I didn’t notice.
Six months? Time went by that quick?
Oh it was out of fear? Sorry, you know how snips and snails love to do stupid things even if they aren’t scared so I got a little confused.
Which part is the foreshadowing?
True, but one I’m less likely to forgive compared to twilight and CHS and two, those haven’t happened yet so those don’t count.
10786675
Correct, yes.
Twilight asked the HuMane Five to look after Sunset at the end of the first film, yes.
Again, I'm working with what canon's given me.
Particular spells that Twilight hasn't figured out yet but is inclined to not use simply because they aren't necessary.
Fluttershy being a little too nice for her own good, or anyone else's. That can and will be a problem.
I might've misinterpreted your initial question. Sunset derailing Rarity's bid for the Spring Fling was six months prior to this story, while the events of the first Equestria Girls film ended the previous evening.
Twilight's expression of realization was meant to be foreshadowing.
10787110
I may have to go back and watch the movie.
Nice to know that fluttershy’s kindness is gonna be the cause of trouble.
That might have happened with a few of the questions, but I’m not sure. I may need to number my comments next time.
Oh ok.
We’d never know.
That I would love to see.
Wait, really?
That’s facts.
Candy?
So she’s not talking about her and sunset?
Oh no.
You didn’t really go through much.
Whack her over the head?
It’s not like she was flirting, was she?
I wanna say she’s lying, but I got no proof.
So they knew sunset was from another world? Now I want to send them to their graves.
What?
You know what? I’m almost surprised.
You didn’t tell the truth.
I have to much of anger problem so if I was one of the CHS students and I heard this, there would be nothing but cussing coming out of my mouth.
Lyra knew, too?