- Member Since 18th Mar, 2015
- offline last seen 3 hours ago
Lon35hadow
A gamer for as long as I can remember, and always willing to help my friends; gamer or non gamer; Xbox, Playstation, or PC: if I can help, I will.
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Hitler-esque mustache? Face? Outfit under the lab coat? Also, double check the schematics request, you mis capitalized the H. Other than that, there are no major errors, and I approve of it so far. Now just need to describe the base set up once that is built, and set up various defense points for anti personnel assault, at least until mechanized units become a thing. Also, do you want him to be trading with other nations for currency, or do you want him to upset the world economy? Because, once force is proven useless, they still have diplomacy to fall back on. Of course, anti aircraft guns would probably be cheapest, followed by auto turrets, then a refinery, then all three varieties of armor factories, and so on.
For Brackman, I just described how I remembered his hologram from the first two games. Spelling error is fixed, base is next chapter, and, well, read the story description. Diplomacy will be used, but until they come in, he'll try to be as isolated as possible, using air scouts and spy planes to keep an eye on the military, which, when combined with the radar in a few chapters will reveal the threat. And I just put a pic in showing Brackman.
Awesome chapter dude cant wait for the next one
You've gotten my attention!
I approve this and love the idea of this.
6845508 Thanks. I hadn't seen a SupCom displaced, and I figured it was a crime and decided to rectify it.
I saw this was going to happen.
There is a 'slight' issue if he builds within Equestria, it'll be found sooner or later. How would he react if the ponies made their magical version of his tech?
6845728 Access build cue. Accessed. Construct Tier three Strategic Missile Launcher Designate: Liberator. (near half an hour later) Construct missile. (neat thirty minutes later) To any and all Equestrians, if you steal my tech, I shall make you taste oblivion! (Read last bit in O'Mally's voice from RvB.)
6845751 Also him building on Equestrian land could be taken as a war provoking action, they wouldn't sit idly at that. They would fight him cautiously by indirect actions to learn what actions he'd do by studying him, Twilight and her obsessive levels of study and alicorn traits may make her best at this and the other princesses. (having heightened Pegasi senses.)
Though even if talks could be done they will likely want him to divulge his secrets or get him out of his suit long enough to keep him down and asleep.
6845808 That is assuming A: He doesn't use a stealth and cloaking field so they don't know he's there; B: he builds near settled land to be found near; C: he doesn't keep an eye on stuff, which he will, and, finally D: he attacks Equestria, which he hasn't. He defended them, and some with common sense would press not to fuck with him.
6845935 They will wonder where this 'metal giant' came from since he's not from tartarus, also perhaps not having any information on him will make the leveled heads bring caution to the others. Also add onto the fact Twilight is for now referring to him as a 'demon' will not paint him in a good light or how he handled Tirek, though Luna might get his reasoning from a previous time. though the ponies have higher senses then a human, buildings require power correct? Pegasi could pick up on the static charge in the air from one area generally and be confused by the lack of storm clouds. Discord would likely pick him up because, technically this human is now the representation of Order polar to Discord. Also the likely one to pick up the most of how deadly 'this guy' can be, but he might or might not be willing to fight a mutual destructive outcome.
Though his killing Tirek will earn him ALOT of attention, a immortal evil of known reputation being quickly slain while the Ponies might be smudged in the international stage while the country is recovering from Tirek's rampage, there had likely been collateral damage from when Discord helped him out and ponies/others died say those in hospitals or unlucky to be buried under buildings.
6846013 Discord? You mean the guy who is the God of Chaos who isn't fully reformed yet? And for the static charge, he's in the desert, which is hot, and electricity gives off heat. And Luna won't be the only alicorn to understand his point of view. Give it some time.
6846045 Discord is reeling from Tirek's betrayal and he had recognized that Fluttershy put her trust in him as her friend, he might work for that again but if he doesn't the ponies will punish him anyway either normally or to be stoned again if he doesn't flee.
When is the next chapter coming out? Not saying you should rush it.
A merchant who is honest in telling you he is going to send to to a different dimension...
Did not see that one coming, I like it.
Liked, Faved and Tracking.
6846587 Thanks. I realized that if any brony who had read a displaced went to a con, they would be suspicious of those guys. The way I see it, this is more realistic (can't believe I said that describing a displaced story) than others.
I hope he makes his own empire to live and rule over and not become the ponies new protector
6846608
I just hope you don't kill off Chrysalis, I would be sadden if you do.
I'm preaty damn sure that Celetsia/Luna would NOT survive this kind of Nuke or anything else in Equestria.
imagizer-cv.imageshack.us/a/img845/2681/procyon.jpg
to you info the biggest one is size of Australia and this was done to planet when UEF was takeing out kid gloves and gone to MAD.
oh my favorite faction from that game. ill be following this to see where you take the story.
It is one thing our main character handled the whole another world ordeal suprisingly well (he seems genre savy, maybe you can explain why he could just shrug off getting into another world in the next chapter), but the Mane 6 had some ridiculously mild reaction for a skyscraper size robot shooting laser beams. I mean they should at least freak out a bit (or just try to get the hell away from it) after seeing something "from tartarus" that defeats Tirek-with-all-magic-in-him AND kills him, which should not be done by the good guys.
t in their lifetime, but at least a "What the heck is that?" should be uttered by one of them.
And what about the princesses? I guess they must've seen some s
Though you still get a follow, since it's interesting.
6848631 Planned, noted, and they arrived after he teleported away.
Huh. I was wondering when someone would have the idea of Supreme Commander. But by the Gods of Chaos, you kinda made him OP 0. Maybe, I don't know, have Seraphim units belonging to UEF and Aeon Turncoats and capturing them? But eh, it's your story. Though I may have to do a crossover at some point..... I mean, Supcom technologies would come in handy for my guys.....
Good job so far, besides a few spelling errors.
I have never played supreme commander, but i think i may need to get it.
This story is an instant fave, and like
When is the next chapter coming out?
6851720 working on it now.
6851882 Nice
Okay, not gonna lie, I want to crossover with this, two primary reasons. First, Cruger would like to know about various things Josh knows, primarily about Josh's foreknowledge and how his Displacer's a decent guy. Second, ACU vs Delta Command Megazord, like this comment if you think that would be awesome.
6852049 Possibly.
6852283 Just don't forget about the Duelist in Equestria one either, I would like to crossover with that and this.
6852283 Are you almost done with the next chapter?
Well, the Prophecy thing is kinda cliche, but other than that good start! Nice foreshadowing by the way.
Dang, that's dark!
The switch between point of views fourth wall anyone?
6853515 You'll find out why later. There is a reason.
6854018 Ok and according to my calculations you should have another chapter out in three to four days.
6854047 The third, maybe, but I have school, and with most stories, I work on the first few chapters back to back. After that, at least once a month.
6854050 Wow dude i hope your holding up with you writing stories for your followers and writing documents and other school realted things that needs to be written.
6854070 If I wasn't. do you think I would make this story?
6854071 Touche
But how long is the next chapter gonna be?
6854077 No idea.
6854086 Ok
I know this a weird question from a guy you just wrote too but would you like to become my friend? Its just because i dont have that many friends on this site and i thought you would make a perfect friend.
6854090 Not at all.
6854109 Thank you Loneshadow
6854112 No problem.
6854050 You didn't message me...
Did I miss something? Or are you going without a prereader past the first chapter?
6854132 Sorry. Once third's is done, I'll send you a link.
The entire story is.... I don't know..... Not bad per se, but maybe .....weird a bit? Yeah let's go with that opinion.
But more importantly! Quips for stuff I think might be changed.
I'm not sure Josh's description is necessary to be so accurate or he just went off a tangent.
The plural for pegasus is pegasi.
Change that "Twilight-1st", to POV, or point of view, it seems a bit off currently.
Also, somehow separate the storyteller's comments (maybe italic and new line?), this way it's a bit confusing.
I find the prophecy a bit too to the point. I mean we need prophecies more vague and cryptic! Maybe instead of the "black and red being with no qualm of killing" You should say "A dark demon bathed in blood" or something like that. That should be cryptic enough for ponies to freak out and come up with any number of theories. Also you can say it refers to Josh, since his ACU has red and doesn't worry about killing.
I'm too lazy to look up all of the typos, but you have a few.
Let's do this. Second run. Brace yourselves it's long.
The way you wrote it it's like the button is a middle finger :D. Try: "Pressed the button at/with/under my middle finger".
Switched to present tense.
queued
I'm not sure how startegic zoom works in the game, but even if it's linked to certain units you should say "to be able to use" or somesuch.
Four factories of [...] each. At is unnecessary
That entire sentence is a bit of a "what?" I literally don't understand which direction are you pointing the factories.
queue
Again a bit of a "what". You had engineer one finish the array?
comma after "five" and "which"
Either "handle what is the most important..." or "handle the most important thing..."
for which I would....
I like this guy.
I think it is "set to build"
Shotgun, one word. (though for air targets a shotgun is rather useful, but not important here)
pegasi (From what I found actually "pegasuses" is correct as well. Huh.)
This part is entirely unnecessary, as you just started talking about them in the previous sentence. And "Aeon's (i think), or Aeon units'. (Chrome should be a bloody awful camouflage, even with different colors. Armies use matte for a reason. But meh, videogames)
Everything
"Set", "ordered", or similar. "Put" doesn't really makes sense here.
Anti-air. Also Flak means anti-air (the German word for it, shortened), so one of them is unecessary.
He just planned this whole thing to this extent and this was not the building part? Holy cow.
I think you should go with "as she has"?
"From what he had said" (I am on really bad terms with this tense, so it might be wrong)
"Still, it didn't excuse him." If you are referring his killing Tirek being a baaaaad thing.
Comma at wrong place. Also, he did What later?
Umm conspiracy? Should I grab my tinfoil hat?
What's that auntie?
"I believe it's clear that what you all saw " or "it to be clear"
Oookay, so I feel like coming up with a better prophecy, mind if I PM you the results? No offense, but even if it's just Celestia talking about the gist of it, it's rather flat.
Some of your senteces could also be broken apart to some smaller ones.
Also when I'm not studying, I can do some prereadin' (haven't done one in my entire life, but you need to start somewhere).