On Celestia's orders, Twilight recieves a new protege. Twilight begins to teach the young unicorn, only to realize that her powers are, just maybe, greater than hers. Twilight becomes jealous, and teaches the filly a spell, beyond her current abilities. When the ponies come over for a party, the unicorn attempts the spell, letting each pony wonder who they are meant to be. Suddenly, each ponies purpose in life changes, for better or worse.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I want to see where this goes.
I WANTS MOAR!
I like, it, but chapters are a bit short, as I can read this on one screen, given I count 2 screens as one since they are hooked together, but the fact that I dident even need to scroll is what i'm getting at, aaaaaaannnnyway, I do hope you make the chapters longer, as they are very well written.
Yeah, I'm still working on it. I want them to be longer too XD They'll be longer, I'm just trying to get a clear picture right now
I'm gonna lay down a small dilemma for you: A pony suddenly finds herself awe struck in the presence of an all powerful being, she knows compared to this god, she's all but an ant. Although this god has never actually done anything to hurt her subjects, her subjects still fear her and her power.
How is it possible that a pony in the presence of Celestia suddenly becomes less afraid because Celestia said "I'm not going to hurt you."? With these magic words, suddenly your character no longer fears Celestia.
I think your characters need work. Write up some character sheets. Write down every little detail about your characters personality to the smallest detail you can. Maybe even write up some info on how other characters see this character. Then don't EVER stray far from it. You may have to even rewrite your plot direction to suit your characters, but that's ok, it makes your story even better.
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Misty also has appeared to have gone from honoured/excited to arrogant awfully fast. Other than Misty's apparent personality shifting, and that these 3 chapters could probably be consolidated into one, seems like a decent opener. The summary seems like the story's gonna be interesting though. I'll track it and see where it goes from here
I'm just gonna say Twilight is not the pony to get jealous of anothers abilities she even says so in the trixie episode she dosn't like show offs and I don't think Twilight would be cruel enough to do that to her own student
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Look, I haven't published that part yet. I understand what you think, and I'm working on it.
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Thanks for tracking
I'll make the changes to her personality, and Steben(guest), thanks for pointing that out
yay, glad you started this again
nice I wanna know what happens next