Ken just lost a bet with one of his buddies so he had to dress up as a cute character for their next convention; too bad that a certain merchant was visiting the same con as he was. Now not only was he stuck in a world full of colorful ponies that are mostly female, he's also been changed into a cabbit of all things. Good thing he made a quick friend, too bad that friend is a tree. Now all he wants to do is explore the lands of this world and maybe one day it's galaxies. Too bad he knew that any Tenchi character will always find trouble coming after them, minor character or not.
(Displaced fic) Hate them, don't read this then
Chapters (1)
A rather amusing and quirky story, thus far. I will watch this to see how it pans out.
more
Congratulations, you are now a star ship with the capability of shape shifting, eating just about anything and looking cute in your smallest form.
You will now also ravage any carrot garden you see (Poor Carrot Top, AKA Golden Harvest), spew homing lasers out of your rear end as a convenient defense mechanism while in flight mode (Or wherever else you please) and in general will end up causing a domino effect of ascending chaos (No need for Mihoshi to moth and flame space pirates, when a cabbit can do just as good).
If Washu appears, then multi-verse skipping is bound to happen even without another 'Displaced' involved.
6819056
Maybe, maybe not
I love cabbits and Tenchi muyo anime. I hope u write more as I wait with baited breathe.
The premise and descriptions alone are most promising, as is the quirky writing style, but there are some things that need to be fixed. For one thing, you may want more commas and exclamation points on average to separate thoughts and intensify emotional impact (it may help your quirks too, make them even funnier). However, like I said, the premise, descriptions, and unusual writing pattern are giving this story a good start.
cabbit... Klonoa?
6821632 nope cabbits from Tenchi series
6821708 bah.
6821750
Meh you are entitled to your opinions. I just wanted to write shenanigans.
6821759 Klonoa is best Cabbit. That's all I'm sayin.
Sounds really interesting! I look forwards to more!
This is great all the moar!
Alright, so you want a review. I'll try to keep it brief.
First and foremost, love the description, but the lack of a title card threw me. Have https://derpiboo.ru/304935?scope=scpebc90dacc1ba70e41bcc186a525b638c520f1fa06 or https://derpiboo.ru/853898?scope=scpebc90dacc1ba70e41bcc186a525b638c520f1fa06 as a suggested pic. I realize they have Ryo instead of a male cabbit, but you're kinda restricted by what other people draw.
Uh... that first... 'paragraph'. I guess it's fine, but it feels rather large. I would suggest going back and seeing if you can't break up some of your larger paragraphs. Nothing is more annoying than wall-o-text.
Small grammatic errors here and there, missing punctuation, but they're easy to ignore for the joy of reading the story.
Giving Harmony/Tsu an actual personality was nice. I hope you have a lot more of her in the future.
Overall a great start, but there isn't much here for me to comment on. Looking forward to future chapters.
Oh yeah, some people might not understand that thing at the end. You might want to have that text be a link to a youtube clip, with the sound playing.
6824690
cool I'll keep that in mind
Yeah I wasn't really proud of the first paragraph myself but it was the best out of what I could manage that felt 'right' in some sense.
Grammatical and miss punches come from the fact I transfer it from Microsoft words 2010, to Online, to Google Doc, to here and had to make fixes each time too so I figured I'd miss some of them.
I plan on having more chapters added soon for a better review later on, just kind of wanted to get SOMETHING out before it fell to the wayside.
Plus thanks for the title card suggestions, I know I'm really limited since Ken-Ohki is a minor character in one of the( ....would alt universe series be right?) So I'll look in to what I can do for it.
Thanks for the honest review, we authors need those to better our craft.
Quick someone hide the carrots!
Oh man, this could be good!
I agree with 6824570
What is this see?
A Tenchi Muyo fiuc starting a cabbit?
media.giphy.com/media/amkxRknWsbWtG/giphy.gif
I usually avoid stories with anthroed ponies.... but i think ill give this one a go
Anymore?
6825524 To late, she's already smelled them.
And once again tia is a bitch that when she's finally dead and gone the
ponworld will be free of her stagnating manipulation.Very interesting idea, good work.
Ps: Why did you put an AN at the end with nothing inside?
I hope this isn't one of those displaced stories that only ever gets the first chapter made.
Please tell me if my hopes are true.
when's the next chapter
7128781 Finally able to work on it now that I finally managed to find a new job.
So except it soon
7129345 fantastic to hear
7036418
It's not. Just had to go through a TON of hoops to land a job for better pay. Though it's a 7 days in 7 days off, 12 hour shifts gig from 5:30 PM to 5:30 am.
This is going to be good
This is wonderful, I can't wait for the next chapter.
Oh boy ... This will get interesting and fast. Looking forward to more chapters.
7130249 That's good to hear. Those hours sound like a factory or contractor work.
(Sorry I read the comment awhile ago, but forgot to reply.)
7201810
Actually I am working for a contractor for a state Lottery, the irony is the country home office for all state lotteries is in the same building.
Loving this so far. Faved, Thumbsed up, and keenly watching. I had to go look up that Cabbit's nyah's just coming across this story, and i love it!
I especially loved the touch of the 'end of intro' 'yoooo' thing. that made me grin so hard, my face hurt for about half an hour.
I hope this gets another chapter soon. *squee*
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still going through my training at my new job but it does allow me more time to write cause it's no longer retail at least. Plus I have to transfer the chapters through three writing programs (word, google, here) which means I have to check it over every time and correct any errors that pop in due to incapability between them. So please bare with me on this and thank you for enjoying it. Always open to any ideas my readers have and will add them in if I like them a lot.
Don't become a stranger!
Be an update ranger!
A very good idea for a displaced fic.
I wonder how long it'll take Ken to figure out how to access the other three forms?
7475473 Three? I know has been over 10 years since I watched anything Tenchi, but I only recall two additional forms, the child form and the ship form. What was the third again?
7492118 there was also a adult form. She just didn't like using it because she had trouble adjusting to the massive change in her center of gravity. Basically she couldn't walk.
Though as far as I know the transformations were only available to the greater cabbits (main body and personality)
7492765 Now.that you mentioned. It I think I can recall it. But as I said, it has been so long that I forgot most details about the show.
Exempt Washu, I'll never forget her.
7492902 agreed. Out of all the girls my two favorite were Washu and Mihoshi.
7493111 Have you ever played the SNES strategy rpg?
7510949 no I haven't, why?
7511013 It is a good game captures the early Tenchi casts spirits very well. Plus it is a fun game in general.
You can have a group of 4 per battle and I always use Tenchi, Washu, and Katsuhito. The 4th changed every playthrough.
7511200 I'll see if I can find any playthroughs to watch. I don't have a computer that works so I don't think I could play it online. And There probably isn't a Xbox version of it.
6896517
I want to do the same but really can't bring myself to, but it is a good story from my impression of it, just not my cup of tea, still you get a thumbs up Author.
MLP needs more cabbit stories.
YESSSS A UNIQUE FIC. Can not wait for more chapters.
I love this story so far and I can't wait to see the next chapter, any chance that Ken-Ohki could get in touch with Twilight to tell her not to even cast the unfinished spell of Starswirls that sets off the events that lead up to her becoming an Alicorn.