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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Pfft! Bwahahahaha! That's just too funny!
I enjoyed your inner monologue here, I smiled quite a bit reading this.
There were a couple of errors here and there but it wasn't anything that could ruin my day
Onto the next chapter!
"Feel free to criticise."
Well, okay.
You need an editor. Or at the very least a proofreader, if only to stop you from getting "soup" mixed up with "soap", or from using "women" when you mean "woman" or all the weird ways you form certain sentences.
That aside, there are some parts that seem forced, like the part where the character is afraid of Spitfire just 'cause, but otherwise it seems like you've got a plan. So that's good.
"Soup molestation" I lel'd, hard.
My earlier assumption was correct i do love this story
Now I'm really curious what exactly is the Twin incident.
Nice intro, good work.
I died laughing. Mainly because I've also been known to use this line on people trying to wake me up. xD
404 likes not found
His name is Soarin, not Soran.
Why is the main character of this such an idiot? There is absolutely no rhyme or reason to how he behaves in this chapter. It's completely railroaded to create a conflict where there wouldn't have to be one.
What is the twin incident? Something from the character's backstory?
7621130 if you woke up in a different body and gender, then suddenly had a lady screaming at you and shoving soap in your mouth, you'd be a bit scared/ pissed too
So I'm not the only young sophomore that does this.
This.... I can already tell is going to be good
Well... you have my attention...
Shit three sentences in and you got me like, damn that true though, need to let others know it.
Edit:
And now that I'm done with the chapter, let me just like follow and *starts making coffee* sleep is for the weak
These would be the same parents that put her in a cage, and dangled said cage on top of a ravin in the middle of nowhere
8171806
Same thing from me
8171806 Locked in a cage over a ravine doesn't tend to make one think 'runaway'. One would tend to think kidnapped (foalnapped?). How, exactly did ANYBODY with even a single brain cell come to the conclusion that someone in a cage ran away from home? I mean, no child is going to see a cage hanging precariously over a ravine and think to themselves 'gee that looks like a safe place to sleep.'
Secondly, if you encounter any youngster who immediately lashes out with vulgarity, that is NOT the time to discipline! You have next to no information about the situation and any immediate action would, invariably, cause said situation to worsen. Furthermore, who would just barge into somebody's room after a likely traumatic experience (such as being locked in a cage overhanging a ravine then falling nearly to their death) and expect anything other than an unwelcomed response? Instead of immediate aggression TRY SOME FUCKING SYMPATHY! Cripes! How stupid do Wonderbolts have to be!?
And lastly, how in the world can anybody going faster than the speed of sound survive any head-on collisions? You are traveling faster than terminal velocity. Your brains would be splatered all over the place.
im going to be honest ,i came in after reading the summery thinking hmm ok so theirs going to be a human who has wings awesome, got to reading the first chapter to the point hes trying to stand and then the moment i read he finds out hes not human anymore my my hopes sort of died i came in for a"Human" in equestria fic not a human turned pony fic might wanna consider saying weather their human in eq or human turns pony in eq.
not trying to be rude just saying you should put it in the disc so people dong get hyped for nothing ,im still going to give the story a shot regardless
I swear like a sailor and I don't even talk like that !
The spelling and bad language make this stor unreadable. Like, I don't mundane curse words but this is like when I was back in middle school and we all heard curse words for the first time. Really excessive
>turned into pegapone
To
>breaking sonic rainbow
Should take far more than a few thousand words
We'll see where it goes, but this is a shaky foundation to start with.