Twilight Sparkle finds herself busy playing a dangerous game. Will she find her way through?
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Bureaucrabrony
Joined 22nd Dec, 2015 ·
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Bureaucrabrony · 3.3k words · 192 views
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This is all new to me. Any constructive criticism is welcome. I could use any advice that might make my storytelling Better.
Sorry for the fave followed by the negative review. I'm doing a lite night run while I auto-play a game. The fic...well, it isn't bad. You got a good concept, you got some decent puzzles, the problem is...
It lacks an ANCHOR. Something to keep it going on. Something to create tension. Without that, it's just Twilight going through the motions. Which, while vaguely interesting, isn't compelling.
Have you ever heard of 'The tiger in the living room"? It's a writing principle. Basically, have two characters give exposition. Now...have them give exposition while...there's a tiger in the living room with them. The latter is more interesting then the former, as the tiger provides tension. This story lacks a "Tiger" in the living room.
Still...You ain't half bad. (I saw this from Game Night 2...which might very well have fixed the issue)